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Well, they're in a laundromat, so I might hazard a guess that these are fairly young people, probably not financially well off enough to have a baby. And maybe not that educated either. They just don't understand that discipline like that is inappropriate at that age. Plus, they are probably afraid that other people will get annoyed with them if the baby touches something. It's not really so easy to keep a baby that age occupied with toys - they just aren't that into toys at that age. Or maybe they don't have many toys or couldn't carry them, who knows. They obviously think that being strict and punishing is the way to raise a child, even a small one. I know people like that, too. It's a shame, but there is nothing we can do. People are free to be bad parents and it's not like you have to take a course or anything to have one.
No excuse.
Okay, I know that's not reality, and I am not disagreeing with your post, but I get so sick of seeing it.
I was a young single mom. I was a college student and I got "knocked up". I never pretended otherwise, I was at a party, got drunk, there ya go, he wasn't even a "boyfriend" and he didn't help me at ALL.... but once I decided to have my son, I made it my business to do the best damned job possible. I read books. Took classes. Talked to moms I admired, sought their advice. There were plenty of times with no money, waiting in a depressing laundromat, making "toys" out of everyday objects, waiting eternally for public transportation, entertaining him while waiting at a neighborhood clinic that had two hour waits because it was the only one we could get to. Times where he was cranky and crying and all I wanted to do was go lock myself in my bathroom and cry just as loudly.
I just tried to remember every single day that he did not ask to be born and that my job as his mom was to make sure he never wished he'd been born to someone else in any kind of serious way, ya know? I made all kinds of mistakes.. (don't we all?) but I always tried so very hard for my parenting to be thoughtful and intentional.
People are free to be bad parents all over the place and that's what seems to be common, but it is still depressing and I hate that poverty, youth, ignorance, or all three is often the "excuse".
No, it's hot. No, it's not safe. No, it makes a mess. No, it hurts. No, it's rude. etc.
........
We need to be safe. We need to be gentle. We need to stay clean now. We use our manners. etc.
I remember when I was still in a baby crib! AND I remember that I understood quite a bit of what was being said! The only thing was I could not talk.
So from a previous toddler, I would have understood most of the above. (Maybe not the word rude though.)
But also I remember looking at people when they were talking to me. There was also the tone of their voice and the expression on their face. I understood that too!
So do explain things with limited words like the above.
Of course, you LOVE your children and patiently teach them the things they need to know to survive and enjoy life.
I've learned, though, that it's tricky to judge people after only a short interaction.
They were trying to accomplish a task in less-than-ideal circumstances, i.e. with a toddler. I'm sure they were making less-than-ideal decisions. Toddlerhood was the WORST. I had twins. It's just exhausting and scary. They have all the mobility and no judgment - a terrible combination.
Even so, you NEVER ever say, "Good baby/baby." That's, like, -100 points in my ledger. Observing bad parenting sometimes tells you what not to do so you can be a good parent.
Sometimes, though, you just get through the moment with toddlers however you can.
Of course, you LOVE your children and patiently teach them the things they need to know to survive and enjoy life.
I've learned, though, that it's tricky to judge people after only a short interaction.
They were trying to accomplish a task in less-than-ideal circumstances, i.e. with a toddler. I'm sure they were making less-than-ideal decisions. Toddlerhood was the WORST. I had twins. It's just exhausting and scary. They have all the mobility and no judgment - a terrible combination.
This. Between 1 and 2 is absolutely the hardest age, DS is now 3 and it's finally been getting easier in the last six months or so. But once they're walking and still don't understand much, it's incredibly hard - they're into EVERYTHING, they're constantly on the brink of hurting themselves - bumping their heads, sharp corners, getting fingers stuck in places, getting things in their mouths etc etc, it's absolutely exhausting and draining, I felt like I was working to keep him safe every second of the day. And yeah, I became extremely jumpy and would always be on him to make sure he's not into anything dangerous, and very often it's just easier to say no than to constantly be on check. It's one thing to think you can entertain or distract a baby for half an hour at the laundromat, but when it's half an hour of the ten hours of the day it's a whole other story. Also I don't think it's ever too early to teach them the concept of being allowed to play with some things but not with others, that not everything is appropriate to be played with and explored, especially outside the home. I think at about 18 months they start being capable of getting that and understanding 'no'/
Oh, and my son could never be distracted from something he really wanted, unless it was with some real bribe like a treat or a phone to play with, lol.
The general school of thought I followed with my kids is that "no" doesn't tell them what you want. Kids want parents to be pleased with them. Tell them what TO do - let's walk over here, let's touch all the machines, let's play patty cake, let's see what we can make out of this empty box - and NEVER leave the house without drawing supplies, even if its a stumpy pencil and a scrap of paper.
Distraction seems to be the best thing for a young toddler. Although they understand a lot long before they can speak they have no impulse control so even though explaining is good (it will eventually stick in their head when they are older) it isn't effective until they develop impulse control so you need to distract/remove them from the danger they are exploring (I always let my toddler explore anything that wasn't dangerous or that she couldn't break) and find something more fun for them to do instead. My daughter has always been very curious about things and was walking since 9 months so she was a nightmare to take anywhere in public! But since about 25/26 months she has learnt to control herself her impulses and listen to me (most of the time!)
I must admit though, I find myself disciplining in a different way from what I usually do (generally stricter, saying no more, saying naughty more) when I'm around other people than when I'm just with my daughter/family/close friends. I think maybe its because I fear being judged for being a "lax parent" so maybe that was the case with the OP's friends.
But if both parents were in a laundromat, I suspect they were having a bad day for some reason. It takes a lot of energy to plan ahead and bring stuff and then be 100% on to keep them amused.
Okay, I know that's not reality, and I am not disagreeing with your post, but I get so sick of seeing it.
I was a young single mom. I was a college student and I got "knocked up". I never pretended otherwise, I was at a party, got drunk, there ya go, he wasn't even a "boyfriend" and he didn't help me at ALL.... but once I decided to have my son, I made it my business to do the best damned job possible. I read books. Took classes. Talked to moms I admired, sought their advice. There were plenty of times with no money, waiting in a depressing laundromat, making "toys" out of everyday objects, waiting eternally for public transportation, entertaining him while waiting at a neighborhood clinic that had two hour waits because it was the only one we could get to. Times where he was cranky and crying and all I wanted to do was go lock myself in my bathroom and cry just as loudly.
I just tried to remember every single day that he did not ask to be born and that my job as his mom was to make sure he never wished he'd been born to someone else in any kind of serious way, ya know? I made all kinds of mistakes.. (don't we all?) but I always tried so very hard for my parenting to be thoughtful and intentional.
People are free to be bad parents all over the place and that's what seems to be common, but it is still depressing and I hate that poverty, youth, ignorance, or all three is often the "excuse".
Great post. My sister had my niece when she was 18. Missed her high school graduation ceremony because she gave birth the night before. The father stopped in to see his daughter exactly once, said, "Oh no, she has my nose, I'd better get plastic surgery" and that was the last time he showed his face. Which turned out to be a good thing when we saw his drug arrests and whatnot in the newspaper over the years.
My sister was adamant that she never wanted anyone to say, "Oh look at that messed up kid who had an unwed teenage mother." She wasn't perfect, either, but my niece was raised with good manners, good study habits, was well-behaved and sociable, and is now a 33-year-old woman with a great career and a fulfilling life. Money was always tight, and my niece was an adult before my sister finished college, but being young and broke didn't translate into bad parenting in her case either.
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