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I agree about taking the high road - in most situations - but I would not allow my children in that home. I don't think all of the posters here know the family history and what they have all tried to do to you and your family over the years - as well as to each other
I realize that you are trying to get a fresh perspective here - but there is more to the story than just a "normal" divorce.
My children don't go to their father's because he won't stop drinking and driving and won't go for anger mgmt - so they haven't seen him for almost 2 years. It hurts them - but I have to pick the lesser of two evils - he's their father - but that doesn't mean that he gets a get out of jail free card.
Divorce is emotional and everyone out there is gonna have their own two cents. When abuse is involved - if you haven't dealt with it - it's hard to say what the person should do.
OK, I'm a step-mother so this is where thid question is coming from..and I'll follow up why I'm asking...I truly don't mean any disrespect...
When they are having there "Father" time, how many times do you call?
I'm not saying it's not ok..but every time we got hubby's son, his ex made up reasons to call two or three times every day. Since we only got him on the weekends it really cut into our time. In the summer it was even worse.
When she would call, he was expected to drop anything he was doing and talk to her. We never asked what they talked about but as he got older he shared that she always wanted to know if he got fed, bathed or got attention.
If we took him anywhere we'd come home to 5 or 6 messages.
Now that being said, there was no abuse on either side and no in-laws were involved so I'm sure it's a different situation.
OK, I'm a step-mother so this is where thid question is coming from..and I'll follow up why I'm asking...I truly don't mean any disrespect...
When they are having there "Father" time, how many times do you call?
I'm not saying it's not ok..but every time we got hubby's son, his ex made up reasons to call two or three times every day. Since we only got him on the weekends it really cut into our time. In the summer it was even worse.
When she would call, he was expected to drop anything he was doing and talk to her. We never asked what they talked about but as he got older he shared that she always wanted to know if he got fed, bathed or got attention.
If we took him anywhere we'd come home to 5 or 6 messages.
Now that being said, there was no abuse on either side and no in-laws were involved so I'm sure it's a different situation.
I hope you get it all worked out.
Wait - are you married to my husband cause I swear that happens in our house with my stepson!!
In my husband's agreement it says that the person w/o the child can call everynight from 7 - 7:15 pm and speak for up to 10 minutes. That is to keep that from happening - it doesn't work though!
Playing devil's advocate because I'm a mom that has sent my son to his dad's for the last 12 years.
When he was younger I called once a day- as he got older I called every other day and I still do that now. However, if something interesting is happening- him doing something special or a holiday, I might make an extra call to see if he had fun or what he got from santa......... and as he got older, if there was a certain football game on I might call him after to talk about it. It's never been about interfering or keeping tabs as much as it is about keeping a connection.
I don't think once a day is too much but I do think that what CaptNemo & ILTB describes is excessive and obsessive.
There are almost always issues when my son visits his dad- and we've learned to communicate in a way that he can let me know if things aren't great. If there's no privacy and he can't elaborate I don't dig- but if he needs to unload, he knows he can pick up the phone and call me any time. And I've made it clear to him that if he wants or needs to come home all he has to do is say the word and I'll either travel there (about 800 miles) to get him or make arrangements with his father to get him home.
He doesn't exactly deal with abuse- but there is a younger brother in the house who is given free reign to act out against my son. He's permitted to be violent but since my son is older, he's not allowed to defend himself. If he pulls the little brother off of him or pushes him away, he gets punished. If they are playing together and the little one gets dirty, my son gets blamed and punished.
And when I say the little one, he's actually 11- so he's not that little, and in my opinion, old enough to be expected to act right.
Sorry for the rant..................... but some of us moms have valid reasons to be concerned. My son has had a cell phone for about 3 years now and he uses that to call me if he needs me.
OK, I'm a step-mother so this is where thid question is coming from..and I'll follow up why I'm asking...I truly don't mean any disrespect...
When they are having there "Father" time, how many times do you call?
I'm not saying it's not ok..but every time we got hubby's son, his ex made up reasons to call two or three times every day. Since we only got him on the weekends it really cut into our time. In the summer it was even worse.
When she would call, he was expected to drop anything he was doing and talk to her. We never asked what they talked about but as he got older he shared that she always wanted to know if he got fed, bathed or got attention.
If we took him anywhere we'd come home to 5 or 6 messages.
Now that being said, there was no abuse on either side and no in-laws were involved so I'm sure it's a different situation.
I hope you get it all worked out.
At bedtime to say good night, and in the am to tell them I hope they have a great day...and of course that i love them
At bedtime to say good night, and in the am to tell them I hope they have a great day...and of course that i love them
I hope you do realize that I know it's not the same situation. If what happened to you happened to me, I'd be wanting to open a can of whoopa.....
Stay strong!!
I know how you feel being a single mom. All your questions are normal and I have gone through the same things with my ex.
My ex got remarried to the woman he was having an affair with. My youngest son Tyler lives with them. They are so controling every time I call there his father and stepmom listen in on our calls. I have to ask permission to see my son from his father and so does my son. My ex was abusive but still got custody. Somedays its very hard to get up and know my children aren't with me. I left my ex because of what he did and now I don't have the children anyway. My oldest son, who is 16, lives with my parents so he can go to the school he wants to. I get depressed and blame myself everyday. I don't ever feel happy like I used to. So I know how hard it can be to feel like your the one to blame or punished. Now my ex even had enough nerve to double cross me and tell my oldest son bad things about me. Now, my family is torn apart and I have no idea what to do. My oldest son was told that I am no good by my ex and my son will not even call me. These are good children from a good family with a loving mom who just got hit by abuse once again. My mother will not talk to me either she's taking my ex's side! It's just a nightmare. I wish I could find someone who I can talk to who understands what I am going through. If anyone out there is willing to talk I would greatly appreciate. No one in my community talks so imagine how isolated I feel. I live with my bf, but its falling apart, he can't handle all the stuff going on. He is even getting verbal with me. Constantly putting me down to other women, being sarcastic, controls my spending and whereabouts, doesn't take me out or have sex with me. Its just as though the one's we love can be very cruel. I would like to get my own home again without a bf so I can at least have a safe haven to go to and be in. I have dated men but all they want it seems is sex. Just feeling really sad and hope there is someone out there who cares.
You need to speak to your attorney and do what you can to get an emergency hearing banning him from seeing the kids unless he is supervised.
This is exactly what you need to do. If you question your children's physical or psycological health they do not need to be there in that situation. I don't know why they were there anyway if he was having to move. He should have just said. "I'm sorry but I'm moving in with my sister this weekend and I will be unable to keep the kids."
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The other side.
Hi There
