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My mom and he boyfriend just broke up. It was a long time coming and no one is entirely surprised. Her boyfriend is the only man that has been in my daughters (18 months) life on a consistent basis. I went over to help my mom pack her stuff up when they broke up (not planned) and as I was leaving I told Trinitee to say bye bye to Papi and he burst into tears and I did too and I told him that I would still bring her over to visit and my mom cut her eyes at me and later told me that I was NOT to bring her to visit.
I am so torn about this. Yeah hes not her "real" grandpa but he's been there through my pregnancy and he loves her so much.
Oh my. Why are you even wondering about such a thing? This is NOT a permanent person in your child's life and you are thinking about dragging this out, rather than just letting people move on with their lives? Your child is only 1 1/2 years old. You evidently taught and encouraged her to call him "Papi" - mistake # 1.
Live and learn. Anyone else who comes into your mother's life is NOT your child's grandfather. He is your child's grandmother's friend.
You are really the one who would be pursuing the relationship and it sounds like you have grown fond of "Papi." If you feel it is appropriate to continue a friendship with him - you are an adult and can certainly do so! But if it were me, the whole thing would just be much too awkward. I would also assume it would be seen as hurtful by your mother.
Don't forget. "Papi" will doubtless find another woman to spend his time with. And she is going to have her own family members who will be in his life. You are just setting yourself up for 2 goodbyes instead of 1.
I didnt encourage her to call him anything. That was all my mothers doing. The only reason im thinking about it is because he is the only man that has always been there and I think its really important to have a positive male role model in her life.
I am of the opinion that children should not suffer because adult relationships end when the adults have the power to prevent that from happening.
If this guy was not an abusive boyfriend, or a druggie, or something else along those lines, I WOULD allow a relationship to continue and would explain to my mother that I was doing the best thing for my kid. If he is a good guy, I would think your mother could put aside her feelings and see the benefit to this as well?
I am not a fan of removing adults from a child's life when those adults are good people who have bonded with a kid. I think that every child benefits by having another person who loves them and wants the best for them and behaves in a loving manner. I think more is better in this respect.
I don't know... my mother had a long term boyfriend that she was going to marry, back when I was 10, 11, 12. When they broke up (I realize I was older so it's a bit different) I remember her telling him that he could visit me and she would not interfere and he swore he would but he never did. I was heartbroken.. I viewed him as a father figure and didn't understand why he wouldn't still want to see me just because he and my mom were no longer together.
Maybe it's better to make a clean break now while she is still young enough to forget him. It will be worse as time goes along and he gets involved with another woman. The visits will dwindle and eventually stop. The older she gets the more it will hurt.
Short of this guy being an abuser or drug addict or treating your mother exceptionally badly, there is no reason not to include him in your child's life. I'm of the opinion that the more loving adults in a child's life, the better off they are. And if the relationship fades out, it fades out. No big deal. I had plenty of relatives and parents' friends I saw only from time to time - some are still in my life, and some have just faded to nonentities. My parents made it clear they were nice people to have in my life but that they were not necessarily permanent.
If your mother objects, that's her problem. She's the one who encouraged the relationship in the first place - so that's on her.
But have an honest conversation with this guy about what he wants to happen. My mother would cheerfully have remained a presence in the lives of her boyfriend's grandchildren, as she had developed strong bonds with them and his children, but he demanded that his children cut ties. It was mainly about his ego. The amusing part is that now he wants her back.
lots of opposite views here. Mine is that you are not doing your daughter a service by having men in her life who are not permanent. This relationship with her grandmother's friend was pleasant but it is over and he will move on and you and your daughter should as well. To keep him in her life will only delay the inevitable hurt she will feel when it becomes apparent he is not permanent. What happens with the next boyfriend? or your next boyfriend?
I think women make the mistake of bring too many men who are not going to stay into the lives of their children .
I didnt encourage her to call him anything. That was all my mothers doing. The only reason im thinking about it is because he is the only man that has always been there and I think its really important to have a positive male role model in her life.
But I dont want to hurt my mom either.
Have you thought about maybe having her get to know her dad or dads family? Maybe her dad had a dad and he would be her grand father.
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