Kid's school has some odd "rules" (single mom, children, classes)
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I want the rules across the board for everyone. I also want the dress code sent home PRIOR to the school year starting, not a couple months in. I don't think that is expecting too much.
I agree, that is more than reasonable.
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Originally Posted by Flamingomo
And don't let some kids come to school looking like homeless people but make my kids change his nice collared shirt because it has three stripes on it. These kids show up wearing sweatpants, hair looking like it hasn't been washed or brushed in days, but that is okay? My son looks great EVERYDAY. Stripes or not.
This is a separate issue. If the dress code says, "No striped shirts," and your son is wearing a striped shirt, then he is breaking the dress code and deserves whatever infraction he has earned. If the dress code says, "Students must wash their hair daily" or "Sweatpants are forbidden," and other students break the rules, they should receive the same consequence (receiving demerits, changing clothes, going home, etc.). If those rules do not exist, then there is nothing for them to be punished for. What other people look like or do is not an excuse for one's own behavior anyway.
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Originally Posted by Flamingomo
I think dress codes for public school are ridiculous anyway and having to put out money for these clothes is expensive. There is no reason my son shouldn't be allowed to wear jeans and a t-shirt like my middle school child does. He also looks nice everyday. And truthfully, I wouldn't care if my kid wanted a $50 pair of jeans, let alone a $100 pair, I wouldn't buy them. But I taught my kids better than to ask for such expensive items.
A third issue. This is something to take to your school board. We haven't had to deal with uniforms since the kids were in preschool. I see the pros and cons of it. But you chose to live there. If you disagree with policy, work to change it. Surely you are not the only parent who feels this way.
I love being a teacher, but I don't like people who believe that because they are taxpayers they have some sort of power over me.
I know that you are a taxpayer, but guess what? So am I. I guess that makes us even.
I don't know what whims you refer to, but what I really want is to do my job, without interference, in the manner that I was trained to do (I have eight years of post-secondary education) while making decisions honed from 16 years of experience. I don't go into anybody's workplace and tell them how to do his or her job, I don't expect anyone to come into my workplace to tell me how to do my job.
This thread has made me so appreciative of the fine private school that my child attends. Teachers, parents, and students all see education as a joint effort. We value the teachers' training and expertise, they value our input as parents and the role that the home environment has in learning, and the child is encouraged early on to take responsibility for their learning. There doesn't seem to be the wall between school and home (or church, for that matter) that I see in this thread.
Certainly there are differences of opinion, but I cannot imagine a teacher thinking they could work with our children "without interference," nor can I imagine parents lawyering up before they discussed a matter of concern to the administrators.
I've heard people say they can't afford private education, but our school gives a fair number of grants and other assistance, and I often see these same people who say they can't afford a private school spending money on things our family does without. In the end, we decided that we couldn't afford not to give our child the opportunity to be the best she can be.
And I'll tell you that she doesn't spend her day fooling around with a bunch of silly CYA rules either.
This thread has made me so appreciative of the fine private school that my child attends. Teachers, parents, and students all see education as a joint effort. We value the teachers' training and expertise, they value our input as parents and the role that the home environment has in learning, and the child is encouraged early on to take responsibility for their learning. There doesn't seem to be the wall between school and home (or church, for that matter) that I see in this thread.
Certainly there are differences of opinion, but I cannot imagine a teacher thinking they could work with our children "without interference," nor can I imagine parents lawyering up before they discussed a matter of concern to the administrators.
I've heard people say they can't afford private education, but our school gives a fair number of grants and other assistance, and I often see these same people who say they can't afford a private school spending money on things our family does without. In the end, we decided that we couldn't afford not to give our child the opportunity to be the best she can be.
And I'll tell you that she doesn't spend her day fooling around with a bunch of silly CYA rules either.
I never said that a parent who who contacts me about their student is interfering in my job. That was something that you and others inferred from my post. I work with students, counselors, special ed case managers, administrators, and, yes, parents, all the time.
Parental interference is when a parent comes into my office without an appointment (would you do that to your doctor?) and expects their child to receive unwarranted special treatment from me or the school. Some parents expect me to change a grade because their child "worked so hard" on the assignment. In their minds hard work = A+. Or maybe, they hope to get the grade changed by buying supplies for my class (as an earlier poster claimed to do). Very few parents are proactive about their child's grade; they are reactive, and they want things done at the last minute to save their child's grade.
I do agree with you about private school. If you can afford day care, you can afford most private schools (at least religion-based schools). It is about sacrifice. My own kids went to private school for a while, and, at least their schools, there were many rules that I considered trivial. However, in the spirit of professionalism, I deferred to their judgement. The teachers there were the ones who had to deal with the children on a daily basis, and if my children learned the curriculum, then I was happy.
Not everyone is in a position to homeschool or send their kids to private school. The parents have every right to have a voice in the school rules and to have their opinions heard.
Also, if your daughter is so much in charge of the household that you are afraid to tell her no to a $100 pair of jeans, that's pretty sad. I guess we can blame parents like you for these silly dress codes. All because you are more interested in being your kids' buddies than their parents.
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I am not my daughter's friend and I do not believe in private schools unless you are in a really bad area. As indicated in the parentheses my kids would never think of asking me for the $100.00 pair of jeans because I would say "NO!".
I have to laugh I said for the parent to voice her opinions to the school but go up the chain of command. My only issue is this parent is breaking rules that the school is putting in force and complaining not to the school but to other parents and not asking how to handle the situation. It is like a broken record. Look at original posting then look at the one I quoted and look at my end response I told her to go up the chain of command.
Now she is complaining about school supplies and not asking about how to handle but just airing her problems with us and it appears she is breaking the rules. Her original post said the same thing and is now putting additional issues and how she is resolving it herself instead of taking it up with the school. Get on the pot and sh** or get off is the saying I have to say.
If she is questioning the amount the school authorities are getting paid as one poster said to do then do it. If she is questioning the school policy on dress codes then get a petition. If she questioning the school supplies issue then she doesn't have to worry about it because she isn't doing it anyways.
The other thing I have a problem with this particular elementary school is the school supply list. They expect the parents to supply the classroom with paper towels, tissues, hand sanitizer, liquid soap, dry erase markers (no chalkboards anymore), crayons, glue, colored pencils, etc. If I buy my child crayons or pencils, I do not expect them to be put in one big bucket for everyone to use, they should be in his desk for him only. I'm not paying for other kid's supplies. I refuse to supply the school with everything that should just be there to begin with for the class or teachers to use. I send him in with his own tissues and hand sanitizer in his bag and make sure he keeps his crayons and pencils with him. And really, they expect the parents to supply dry erase markers for the teachers to write on the board? And papertowels and tissues for the classroom? I never once purchased these items and never will. They should be supplied by the school, just like they used to be and like they are in most schools I know of.
Great sense of community there. Due to the across the board cuts, unfunded mandates, and mandatory spending, MOST schools no longer have the money they used to. Personally, I would hope that a parent would understand that but apparently not. I hope that your son never runs out of tissues, has a nosebleed, and has someone point out that his parents never chipped in for the classroom tissues. But if he does, maybe he will understand how far a $1 box of tissues can go.
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20 minutes is certainly not enough time for lunch. Especially when that 20 minutes includes waiting in line to buy your lunch. My son usually brings his, but does buy every once in awhile. And the ten minutes of quite time and head down is ridiculous.
Than talk to your legislators. Expecting the school to ignore state or federal mandates is ridiculous.
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And I stated previously about the dress code... they created this solid color shirt thing after school had already started for the year and after we had already purchased clothes big enough to fit for a couple of years. If they were going to change the rules, they should have done so beore the end of the previous year to let us know it was happening. I think dress codes are silly for public schools anyway and it is only for kids on the elementary level which makes no sense. Once they hit middle school, they can wear whatever they want as long as it isn't vulgar and fits properly, so why the grade school kids can't is beyond me. And the fact they let kids show up there looking like homeless people but make my kid change his shirt for three stripes on it is insane. As I said, he is always clean, hair neat and clothes clean and fitting properly.
Bologna. I have never seen a public school that did not have a dress code. If there exists public schools without dress codes they are clearly NOT the norm.
I never said that a parent who who contacts me about their student is interfering in my job. That was something that you and others inferred from my post. I work with students, counselors, special ed case managers, administrators, and, yes, parents, all the time.
Parental interference is when a parent comes into my office without an appointment (would you do that to your doctor?) and expects their child to receive unwarranted special treatment from me or the school. Some parents expect me to change a grade because their child "worked so hard" on the assignment. In their minds hard work = A+. Or maybe, they hope to get the grade changed by buying supplies for my class (as an earlier poster claimed to do). Very few parents are proactive about their child's grade; they are reactive, and they want things done at the last minute to save their child's grade.
I do agree with you about private school. If you can afford day care, you can afford most private schools (at least religion-based schools). It is about sacrifice. My own kids went to private school for a while, and, at least their schools, there were many rules that I considered trivial. However, in the spirit of professionalism, I deferred to their judgement. The teachers there were the ones who had to deal with the children on a daily basis, and if my children learned the curriculum, then I was happy.
Yes, I did infer that from your post, so I think it's positive that was cleared up. I think the proactive/ reactive observation ties into what I was saying, in that we have frequent, close communication with the teachers ( not always by appointment but certainly so if it required a more formal meeting rather than touching base) so we've not been taken by surprise by things.
And I didn't want to suggest that our child's school didn't have it's rules- there are many- but I think they are largely seen as the school's and children's business and not the parents'.
^^^ Certainly NOT the case. I want the rules across the board for everyone. I also want the dress code sent home PRIOR to the school year starting, not a couple months in. I don't think that is expecting too much. And don't let some kids come to school looking like homeless people but make my kids change his nice collared shirt because it has three stripes on it. These kids show up wearing sweatpants, hair looking like it hasn't been washed or brushed in days, but that is okay? My son looks great EVERYDAY. Stripes or not. I think dress codes for public school are ridiculous anyway and having to put out money for these clothes is expensive. There is no reason my son shouldn't be allowed to wear jeans and a t-shirt like my middle school child does. He also looks nice everyday. And truthfully, I wouldn't care if my kid wanted a $50 pair of jeans, let alone a $100 pair, I wouldn't buy them. But I taught my kids better than to ask for such expensive items.
^^^ EXACTLY THIS.
As said in the parenthesis for anyone that cannot read my children would never ask for them but there are children that would and this makes it easy on the parents. My kids are my kids and I am the parent gotta luv when things are written out and people still read only what they want to read or twist the words out of context.
As indicated you want the rules to apply only when they are beneficial for yourself. EX School supply- you do not like so you just won't do-but the rules to the school are you supply them-instead of talking to the school and communicating with them.
Communication is key and setting the rules at the beginning as I said in previous posts. My only concern is the OP is now not just complaining about dress codes and lunch period but now included issues with supplies. Ask what other people have done to resolve issues within their schools and if they had success, instead of posting a complaint and then adding onto it or letting us know if you did talk to the school and what was the outcome.
I think it's important when discussing these issues to clarify whether we are talking about Kindergarten or a Sr in High School. I personally will take a much different approach based on my child's age. If they are in 3rd grade or lower, I will be much more involved usually. When my kids are in high school, I expect them to be able to handle their own issues.
My older son had a complaint about a teacher when he was a Junior in HS. He wanted me to set up a meeting with the principal. I told him that if he really believed that he was right and it's serious enough to escalate, then he should set an appt between himself and the principal himself, but only AFTER he had exhausted his efforts with the teacher. We discussed the issue, what points he should make and how he should present his case. After all that, he decided that it did NOT warrant escalation (big surprise - I've seen this in the corporate world as well, lol).
But then, months later, when there was an incident that he felt he did want to escalate, he did take these steps. I think it was a very valuable experience for him.
They have to put on their big-boy/girl pants sooner or later!
I think it's important when discussing these issues to clarify whether we are talking about Kindergarten or a Sr in High School. I personally will take a much different approach based on my child's age. If they are in 3rd grade or lower, I will be much more involved usually. When my kids are in high school, I expect them to be able to handle their own issues.
My older son had a complaint about a teacher when he was a Junior in HS. He wanted me to set up a meeting with the principal. I told him that if he really believed that he was right and it's serious enough to escalate, then he should set an appt between himself and the principal himself, but only AFTER he had exhausted his efforts with the teacher. We discussed the issue, what points he should make and how he should present his case. After all that, he decided that it did NOT warrant escalation (big surprise - I've seen this in the corporate world as well, lol).
But then, months later, when there was an incident that he felt he did want to escalate, he did take these steps. I think it was a very valuable experience for him.
They have to put on their big-boy/girl pants sooner or later!
Good point. I am talking about an early elementary grade.
I agree that the school should have told you about dress code changes well before the start of the year. But they gave you a waiver and let him wear the striped shirt. However, to expect your son to be able to wear the shirts you bought prior to the change until not only the end of the year, but until he outgrows not only HIS shirts, but also outgrows the ones his older brother passes down, is a bit ridiculous. The exception should only apply for this school year, since they didn't give proper notification. Anything beyond that would completely undermine the dresscode. After all, the kid with the sweatpants should also be allowed to wear those until he grows out of them, and then his brothers old sweatpants once those are passed down.
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