Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
b). Do you wish you had them in your 20s whenever you think of how old you'll be before they're independent?
Nope. In my 20's I was living it up. Do I wish I had them in my late 30's, yes, but nature took its time.
c). How do you feel when you come across those who are younger than you whose kids are older than yours?
I feel bad that they will be all alone for the second half of their life. I spent the first half of my adult life doing what I wanted, when I wanted. Now I get to grow old with my husband and kids as a family.
This is a question with a lot of back story. Women usually ask me as a woman this question, Where we live now virtually all local first moms are in their 20's. When I lived in a city, I didn't know many women who had children before late 20's or early 30's and almost no men with children under 30.
We adopted 2 children when my husband was in his 40's and I was in 30's, my first birth child was born in my 40's.
Don't wait for $'s sake. If you are pregnant , you can make it work at any age. You have to find a peer group that works for you as a couple. There are always people who disagree with your choices.
On what the kids think, my birth child was last - he wanted another baby because his classmates were firsts and had younger siblings, he was a last.
Having more would have been fun. If I had started earlier, I probably would have had more birth children. Regret can be a part of starting later. Financial and career challenges are definitely part of starting early but I know many couples who make that work, usually with family help and good childcare. I also have friends who adopted or had multiple birth children in their 40's.
b). Do you wish you had them in your 20s whenever you think of how old you'll be before they're independent? Not even a little bit. I was way too immature and selfish in my 20s and would have just used them as an excuse to never accomplish anything in life.
c). How do you feel when you come across those who are younger than you whose kids are older than yours? Doesn't make any difference to me.
b). Do you wish you had them in your 20s whenever you think of how old you'll be before they're independent?
No way! I am soooo glad I didn't take on this huge undertaking in my 20s. I traveled the world and worked hard and studied hard and dated and partied and lived. I am so glad I didn't waste my youth on someone else's youth. I've gained a lot of wisdom and patience over the years and now feel like I can parent responsibly.
Quote:
c). How do you feel when you come across those who are younger than you whose kids are older than yours?
I kind of feel bad for those that are younger. I mean, like people who are under 25 with kids. They will never ever know what it's like to work hard and blow their whole paycheck on a pair of shoes or something equally frivolous. Or know what it's like to go out to a party and just come home whenever you feel like it. These things seem trivial when I type it out, but I really think that part of being young is acting like a kid and being able to experience freedom. I think parents should be adults, so I feel bad for kids who are raised by kids. I don't mean any offense to anyone, it's just my first reaction. I know very well that there are people who are crap parents at any age, and others who are awesome parents at any age.
I am 34. My girlfriends are 32 and 26. We have our first child who is now 2.5. So you can do the math on what age we were when we had them. The plan is to keep having them. The end target is that the girls want to have 2 kids each. The younger of the girls does not want her first until she is 30 at the earliest. So I will be 38+ when I have my third I guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pathseeker
b). Do you wish you had them in your 20s whenever you think of how old you'll be before they're independent?
No it was the right time for us. I do not think people should have an "age" in mind when to have kids. They should have them when they feel ready. Not before.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pathseeker
c). How do you feel when you come across those who are younger than you whose kids are older than yours?
I have no opinions or feelings on the matter at all. I just hope with everyone I meet with kids - be they younger or older than me - that they - like me - had theirs when they were ready and not before - and if not then I hope things go well for them despite this.
No way! I am soooo glad I didn't take on this huge undertaking in my 20s. I traveled the world and worked hard and studied hard and dated and partied and lived. I am so glad I didn't waste my youth on someone else's youth. I've gained a lot of wisdom and patience over the years and now feel like I can parent responsibly.
kind of feel bad for those that are younger. I mean, like people who are under 25 with kids. They will never ever know what it's like to work hard and blow their whole paycheck on a pair of shoes or something equally frivolous. Or know what it's like to go out to a party and just come home whenever you feel like it. These things seem trivial when I type it out, but I really think that part of being young is acting like a kid and being able to experience freedom. I think parents should be adults, so I feel bad for kids who are raised by kids. I don't mean any offense to anyone, it's just my first reaction. I know very well that there are people who are crap parents at any age, and others who are awesome parents at any age.
As long as you assume that the young generation has a GOD-GIVEN RIGHT be as immature and frivolous as they have come to be in the modern world (partying, drinking, blowing an entire paycheck on a pair of shoes...seriously?) ...and act like kids until they are in their 30's...then yes.
After all, what child would deserve to be raised by such creatures?
However, if you think that there's nothing to be missed out in life by being mature and responsible from the beginning, and that includes adolescence...then having children early can be a tremendous advantage - both for the parents and for the child. The energy nature ensured we have in our 20's is boundless. Keeping up with the children is a breeze then. If you are mature and have some extended family help nearby, I would definitely advocate having children early rather than late. As for "affording" them that young - that's another artificial problem created by our modern society, because in reality, when you strip off all the modern, commercially-driven frivolities - young children need EXTREMELY little.
I had my children in my 30's, AFTER I finished long years of grad school. I am 40 now with two 4 and a 7 year old bouncy, noisy, fidgety, chaotic Duracell bunnies...at an age where I no longer have the patience or the nerves to put up with so much noise, chaos, disorder and useless crafts in the house.
The crafts thing drives me up the Holly Wall as I am deeply convinced this intense practice is exacerbated by commericial interests as it constantly requires buying some kind of crap - een if it's only construction paper, scissors and glue. If you refuse to buy such things for them, they will come back with junk from school and you will still end up with mess all over the place - guaranteed.
By no means do children end up more "artsy" than they were genetically programmed to be, just by constantly cutting out and gluing some crap. But this DOES ensure you will always live in a dirty, chaotic house - unless you're slaving away behind them at all times, which at 40...many people no longer have the energy to do.
a. My oldest was born when I was 25, my youngest when I was 31. Not our intention - we had two misses in between.
b. There's a difference in the time it takes for your body to bounce back in your 20's versus your 30's. At 25, after my oldest was born, I was back in all my pre-pregnancy clothes in a few weeks, and was wearing a bikini that summer. With my youngest, the weight just hung on and on, and I had a heck of time finally getting rid of it. The age gap was great, though - my oldest was a big help to me with the youngest (still is). The oldest is now 27, married, runs the family business, and has a beautiful home of her own. The youngest is a 21-year-old art student who works for her sister. DH and I feel like we're living in an art gallery, but that's okay with us.
c. All of my school friends are grandparents now, but my oldest daughter and her DH are working on it. They'll have one when they're ready. No hurry. The youngest has no interest in a husband/kids now. She just wants to be a famous artist.
I am 34. My girlfriends are 32 and 26. We have our first child who is now 2.5. So you can do the math on what age we were when we had them. The plan is to keep having them. The end target is that the girls want to have 2 kids each. The younger of the girls does not want her first until she is 30 at the earliest. So I will be 38+ when I have my third I guess.
WTF?.... Utah, by any chance?...Or maybe I read your post wrong.
But hey, sounds like fun!...
If you need me to sign any petitions for the legalization of this lifestyle, I'll be right with you. Sometimes I am so exhausted I could only dream of my husband brining another one in the house so we can be a team of three on all the work that needs to be done instead of just the two of us.
b). Do you wish you had them in your 20s whenever you think of how old you'll be before they're independent?
c). How do you feel when you come across those who are younger than you whose kids are older than yours?
I had my child in my late 20s, but I thought I was young! I know a lot of people who are older than me and who have kids younger than mine. I know that's not your question, but in some contexts, being a first-time parent in your 30s is the norm, not the exception. Among my friends, 32 or 33 seemed to be the magic number where all of a sudden everyone started to have babies.
I think we'd have been fine having a child either a few years earlier, or a few -- or more -- years later. I don't think 20s is too young, and 30s is definitely not too old. There are just so many variables. If you're in your 20s and married and stable, then it can be a great time. But no need to rush.
And as far as the travel question goes -- just take the kids with you! Sure, it costs more (mostly because of transportation), but if you can swing it, traveling with kids is great. Obviously it's going to shape the kind of trip you take, but just enjoy it for what it is. And traveling with a kid gives you a new connection to places that you might not so easily get if traveling as an adult.
WTF?.... Utah, by any chance?...Or maybe I read your post wrong.
I am not even in the US no.
Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa
If you need me to sign any petitions for the legalization of this lifestyle, I'll be right with you. Sometimes I am so exhausted I could only dream of my husband brining another one in the house so we can be a team of three on all the work that needs to be done instead of just the two of us.
While I am happy - I also realise this life is not for everyone. It has its own unique challenges like any other relationship. I am happy - but I do not go around _recommending_ it to anyone either.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I spent the first half of my adult life doing what I wanted, when I wanted. Now I get to grow old with my husband and kids as a family.
Utah, by any chance?...Or maybe I read your post wrong.
