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Absolutely no bedroom, that's just asking for trouble.
I don't allow dating until age 16 and discourage it even then, it's better for kids to have a fun childhood without all the drama of break-ups and pressure to have sex.
Don't forget that most teens and young adults in their 20s believe that oral sex IS NOT actual sex and do not consider it a behavior to be concerned about it. The article that was mentioned was referring to intercourse and not other forms of what many parents consider intimate sexual behavior.
I have discussed this issue with my children and they can not understand why my husband and I consider thatoral sex IS sex and we certainly can not understand how they DO NOT consider it sex (heck it even has "sex" in it's name). I have discussed this with other parents over the years and they have had the same disagreement with their children. I think, in part, it goes back to Bill Clinton and his denial to Congress and the American public about having sex with an intern (because he claimed/felt that oral sex is not actually sex)
Openly discuss this issue with your teens and be prepared for some sleepless nights.
You can nitpick all you like but the bottom line is that young people are NOT having sex earlier than they used to.
My daughter is preteen I dont think it really has too much with trusting her right now. I'm think more along the lines about setting a precedent where she can hang out with boys in a room alone at 11 then all of a sudden at 14 she cant be alone with boys. My daughter is not at that stage just yet but when she does have her guy friends over for a visit it will be in the livingroom/diningroom and/or kitchen. So that way I wont have to all of a sudden change the rules on her and also make her feel like I dont trust her and I can easily "spy" on her whenever I want and dont need to look for more "laundry" to do so. LOL
Don't forget that most teens and young adults in their 20s believe that oral sex IS NOT actual sex and do not consider it a behavior to be concerned about it. The article that was mentioned was referring to intercourse and not other forms of what many parents consider intimate sexual behavior.
I have discussed this issue with my children and they can not understand why my husband and I consider thatoral sex IS sex and we certainly can not understand how they DO NOT consider it sex (heck it even has "sex" in it's name). I have discussed this with other parents over the years and they have had the same disagreement with their children. I think, in part, it goes back to Bill Clinton and his denial to Congress and the American public about having sex with an intern (because he claimed/felt that oral sex is not actually sex)
Openly discuss this issue with your teens and be prepared for some sleepless nights.
See if you can explain to us why you "consider it sex", perhaps.
If it is a real tween (11 or 12) I would only allow them in common rooms with a lot of traffic such as the livingroom.
I would agree with this, even up to age 16 or so, depending on the level of maturity and trust. Kids don't need to be in tempting situations that they can't handle. That's why it's parents' jobs to set appropriate boundaries and safeguards.
You can nitpick all you like but the bottom line is that young people are NOT having sex earlier than they used to.
I have three teen boys.
I agree with you. high school sex seems far less prevalent than when I was in high school (1978-1981). Yes it still happens, but based on observing the classes of our five kids (one not yet in high school), it appears no more than half are sexually active. It seems that is more the boys being less so. In my time, a few girls (maybe half the class) were sleeping with pretty much all of the boys. Most active girls had sex with 3-5 different boyfriends by graduation. Some had a lot more. One gal had multiple (6?) abortions by the time she graduated.
Maybe it is more a class thing. We currently live in a mostly upper class area. I think they have had one high school girl pregnant during the 7 years we lived here. The high school I attended was a bit more rough around the edges (no longer, not it is a high faluting school). We had six in our class and every class was about the same, except one class had 8 or 10. Of course part of that is the better availability of birth control, but it was not hard to come by then. They did not hand it out in school, but you could buy it in any convenience store, pharmacy, or rest stop bathroom. I think more kids are waiting, especially boys (maybe it is all the estrogen laced water they drink these days ).
I think you should "do the laundry" as often as you'd like. It's your home and you have a right to monitor what is going on under your roof. We don't allow friends of the opposite sex in bedrooms or secluded areas of our house. Honestly I don't have any friends that allow their tweens/teens to be in their bedrooms or basements alone with a boy/girl friend. We have a nice backyard and allow kids to swim in the pool and hang out in the yard where they can easily be seen. Our home is open for the kids to have friends over, however they are only allowed in the common areas of our house. There are seven people living here so privacy is hard to come by anyway. Our children can start dating at 16 but that means going bowling, the movies, out for pizza, a local amusement park or community event. Anything before that would have to be in a large group of friends.
We always stick a sibling in the room with them. Still we check on them regularly.
LOL...
Conveniently, we have an ADHD 8 year old around to pester the two preteen DDs. He pops his nosy self in about every 10 seconds on average to annoy just about everyone, all the time. No one has had a private, uniterrupted moment since he joined our family. Nothing, and I mean nothing, including your time in the bathroom is off limits with the little guy around.
Can't wait to put him 'on the job' when the dates come to visit!
For the past few weeks, my tween daughter has had her male friend over the house, and she spends time at his house as well. When they are at our house, how much supervision is needed? If they are in a visible room of the house that is one thing, but if they are in the the (finished) basement watching TV or whatever, how often is a check in needed? You can only go downstairs to "do laundry" so often without looking like you do not trust your kid. Does anyone else have this issue with that age group? Also, is the consensus that bedrooms should be off limits completely or is the door open acceptable? I am new to all of this and I do not want to come across to her that we do not trust her. We have had the "discussions" and so forth with her and we do trust her, but then again kids are kids and can be impulsive too. I want to add that she has never shown us any reason to not trust her. She does partake in things that people here were concerned about like Instagram but we did ask her to show us what she does on it and we have searched her mp3 player and did not find anything that would indicate she is being irresponsible.
I personally would have them in common areas. Although it sort of depends on the type male friend imo. Some guys are just buds, some are boyfriend material...You'll know the difference.
If you are concerned enough to be asking, you already are on alert. Just discuss with your daughter your rules, i.e. downstairs only for company... and if she follows them, no worries. They can do homework at the table, if that is the purpose. Unless there is a pool table or something to do downstairs besides TV, maybe they should be upstairs. But, hey...nothing wrong w/ monitoring until she has earned your trust, so keep that laundry up
At my house no boys were in the bedroom. Downstairs was the primary place any friends visited, large open den area, other kids playing in the area also.
Last edited by JanND; 03-13-2013 at 07:44 AM..
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