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One of the recent threads got me thinking of some acquaintances/friends of my parents. They have 2 teenage daughters that seem to share an uncomfortable amount of stuff with their parents and their friends. This will range from sex to drugs to drinking, ranging in extremity.
Example 1: The 17 year old daughter openly told a story of how the night before she was so high (smoking weed), that she couldn't remember a thing. This was told to her parents and friends of theirs (including my parents).
Example 2: Both the 17 and 19 year old will often have friends over, and the parents will set up beer pong tables and drinking games for them.
Example 3: The 19 year old daughter once called home from a vacation with friends saying she had met a bartender and wanted to have a 1 night stand, but since she had a BF, she didn't know what to do. She asked for advice on whether to break up with him for the rest of her vacation so she could sleep around. (In this example, they reminded her to put herself in her BF's shoes... in the end she decided against breaking up).
Some of these seem too far in my opinion. I definitely want to be close with my future kids and do not want to turn a blind eye to what happens in their teens. I will be the parent that puts their daughter on birth control proactively, for example. But I feel like the line should be drawn somewhere!
One of the recent threads got me thinking of some acquaintances/friends of my parents. They have 2 teenage daughters that seem to share an uncomfortable amount of stuff with their parents and their friends. This will range from sex to drugs to drinking, ranging in extremity.
Example 1: The 17 year old daughter openly told a story of how the night before she was so high (smoking weed), that she couldn't remember a thing. This was told to her parents and friends of theirs (including my parents).
Example 2: Both the 17 and 19 year old will often have friends over, and the parents will set up beer pong tables and drinking games for them.
Example 3: The 19 year old daughter once called home from a vacation with friends saying she had met a bartender and wanted to have a 1 night stand, but since she had a BF, she didn't know what to do. She asked for advice on whether to break up with him for the rest of her vacation so she could sleep around. (In this example, they reminded her to put herself in her BF's shoes... in the end she decided against breaking up).
Some of these seem too far in my opinion. I definitely want to be close with my future kids and do not want to turn a blind eye to what happens in their teens. I will be the parent that puts their daughter on birth control proactively, for example. But I feel like the line should be drawn somewhere!
Thoughts?
Obviously those parents have no rules or restrictions for their daughters behavior, and encourage and approve of that behavior, so the girls are quite comfortable sharing those things because they, and their parents, see nothing wrong with it. My mother and I were very close, but I knew she disapproved of certain behaviors and had not one problem expressing her disapproval. If I had told her something about smoking weed or being drunk, it would not have been a laughing or joking conversation. I would joke around with my friends about stuff like that, but I would TALK with my mother, and get an honest response and good guidance with the conversation. Parents are supposed to parent, not be friends.
One of the recent threads got me thinking of some acquaintances/friends of my parents. They have 2 teenage daughters that seem to share an uncomfortable amount of stuff with their parents and their friends. This will range from sex to drugs to drinking, ranging in extremity.
Example 1: The 17 year old daughter openly told a story of how the night before she was so high (smoking weed), that she couldn't remember a thing. This was told to her parents and friends of theirs (including my parents).
Example 2: Both the 17 and 19 year old will often have friends over, and the parents will set up beer pong tables and drinking games for them.
Example 3: The 19 year old daughter once called home from a vacation with friends saying she had met a bartender and wanted to have a 1 night stand, but since she had a BF, she didn't know what to do. She asked for advice on whether to break up with him for the rest of her vacation so she could sleep around. (In this example, they reminded her to put herself in her BF's shoes... in the end she decided against breaking up).
Some of these seem too far in my opinion. I definitely want to be close with my future kids and do not want to turn a blind eye to what happens in their teens. I will be the parent that puts their daughter on birth control proactively, for example. But I feel like the line should be drawn somewhere!
Thoughts?
Since the drinking age is 21, not just allowing drinking but encouraging it is definetly wrong. When my children were teens I told them a white lie. I said that if the police ever came to our house because of an underage drinking party I could be charged with a crime and have my teaching license revoked. They told this to their friends and everyone was extra careful about teens not getting drunk at their parties. I knew that there was sometimesa little drinking going on (especially after they graduated from high school) but they never let anyone get drunk and never let anyone who was drinking drive a car.
I think that it is irresponsible parenting to encourage drinking esp. drinking games.
Since I was the "understanding" mom my daughter and her friends would frequently ask me relationship questions, but no one would ever consider it OK to ask Mom for advice on a one night stand. OMG
Depending on what state they're in, it may be legal for the parents to give their children alcohol in their own home. It's not legal to give it to the friends of the children, though. In TX you can give alcohol to your kids if you want to, at home or at a restaurant or bar.
As for the rest of it, you have to find the balance between being a role model, authority figure, and friend to your children. These people have obviously focused only on the friend aspect. It's great to have that kind of communication with your kids, but you need to teach them right from wrong at the same time.
The second example is grossly irresponsible on the part of the parent. Giving a child's friend alcohol? Bad idea.
The first and third examples show open relationships... maybe too open. I wouldn't be laughing over my 17-year-old being high the night before, and if s/he told me about it, we'd be having a serious talk. As for the 19-year-old, it's not something that I'd share with my parents at that age (or any age!), but I don't see it as necessarily a bad thing; the parents gave her decent advice and she ended up doing the right thing.
Example 2: Both the 17 and 19 year old will often have friends over, and the parents will set up beer pong tables and drinking games for them.
Thoughts?
My thought is someone needs to tell parents of the friends (of the 17 and 19 year old) that their kids are at a house where the parents are idiotic enough to set up beer pong and drinking games.
I'd drop a dime on those parents pronto if they're serving underage juveniles. If they're serving juveniles they're breaking a law that's in place for a reason. I've known a few stupid parents but this is off the charts.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 07-20-2012 at 02:41 PM..
Since the drinking age is 21, not just allowing drinking but encouraging it is definetly wrong. When my children were teens I told them a white lie. I said that if the police ever came to our house because of an underage drinking party I could be charged with a crime and have my teaching license revoked. They told this to their friends and everyone was extra careful about teens not getting drunk at their parties. I knew that there was sometimesa little drinking going on (especially after they graduated from high school) but they never let anyone get drunk and never let anyone who was drinking drive a car.
I think that it is irresponsible parenting to encourage drinking esp. drinking games.
Since I was the "understanding" mom my daughter and her friends would frequently ask me relationship questions, but no one would ever consider it OK to ask Mom for advice on a one night stand. OMG
You actually could have been charged . I mean the first 2 i'd say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree since chances are the parents have addiction issues that just transferred to the child. But um as for the 3rd i don't see what the big deal is as i share details like that with anyone who want's to listen.
Obviously those parents have no rules or restrictions for their daughters behavior, and encourage and approve of that behavior, so the girls are quite comfortable sharing those things because they, and their parents, see nothing wrong with it. My mother and I were very close, but I knew she disapproved of certain behaviors and had not one problem expressing her disapproval. If I had told her something about smoking weed or being drunk, it would not have been a laughing or joking conversation. I would joke around with my friends about stuff like that, but I would TALK with my mother, and get an honest response and good guidance with the conversation. Parents are supposed to parent, not be friends.
^^ I agree with this for the most part!
I want to be the parent that my children and their close friends can talk to, for the reason of guiding them in the right direction. NEVER would I allow a party in my house with any illegal things going on (ie: smoking, drinking or sexual things ). Example #2 is the reason why parents need to be extremely careful of whos house their children are spending the night or even spending a lot of time with, b/c if I found out that my kids were allowed/given drugs, alcohol or the opposite sex their I would have a fit and definitly cut off their time outside of school with those friends and turn in the parent. I make sure I know the parents of my children's closest friends and know that they will help guide them in a positive way before they are even alloed to hang out at the friend's house!!
By all means, my kids and the kids in the neighborhood talk with me pretty openly about things they think, do and experience....but they also know that when they talk to me, it's not going to be like talking to a friend...I discourage wrong choices, make them think about consequrnces that could arise, etc. BUT they also know I do it b/c I truely care about them and want them to be successful, responsible adults/citizens!!
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. I mean the first 2 i'd say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree since chances are the parents have addiction issues that just transferred to the child. But um as for the 3rd i don't see what the big deal is as i share details like that with anyone who want's to listen.
). Example #2 is the reason why parents need to be extremely careful of whos house their children are spending the night or even spending a lot of time with, b/c if I found out that my kids were allowed/given drugs, alcohol or the opposite sex their I would have a fit and definitly cut off their time outside of school with those friends and turn in the parent. I make sure I know the parents of my children's closest friends and know that they will help guide them in a positive way before they are even alloed to hang out at the friend's house!!
