Essential reading for parents of 13 year olds! (method, teens, baby)
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Hilarious, well written and insightful take on why we parents are so "ridiculous, embarrassing or annoying" to our barely-teens.
My favourite bit:
Quote:
No parent can hope to eliminate all three, but what every parent is capable of doing - and all that any parent is capable of doing - is to eliminate exactly one of the three as an accurate descriptor. "I may be ridiculous and annoying", you can say, honestly, "but I am not embarrassing". Or, "I know I embarrass you, but you cannot accurately call me ridiculous." One out of three is the game of life.
This makes me sad. I know it's probably a right of passage, but it still makes me sad that one day my kids will think I am ridiculous, annoying and embarrassing. I enjoy our companionship and it makes my stomach knot up to think of them being so indifferent towards me.
"I only want to have friend over when you are not home"
"Could you please just sit there and not say anything"
We do not get a lot of that. We remind them daily it is our job and our goal to be ridiculous, embarrassing and annoying. Any attempt to repress our efforts will result in yelling out the window of the car "Bye Bye schmookie wookums, we hope you have a good day, you look so big and grown up, don't foreget to eat yur sandwich before you cookies, be nice to the tacher, we loooooove you (loud kissing sounds)."
At that age, it is our job to be as embarrasing as possible. THe failure to do so, is failing as a parent. You should paint oyur car pink, wear your underwear outside your clothing, wear mismatching shoes . . .
That is how they learn to deal with and avoid the whole keep up with the Joneses thing.
Plus it makes a great persuasion tool. "If you get all As, I will not come to pick you up dressed in my cape anymore."
IF you have girls, it is the time for dad to start cultivating the all important crazy as a loon reputation.
As a parent it is essential to have a plan to use this to your fullest advantage. I can recommend a trip to the mall with your teen and a stop at the kiosk that sells the wigs and false hair pieces. Take the parent of another teen with you. The parent of your teen's closest friend works the best. Be sure she brings her teen. Always do this at the mall where all the kids from their school will be. Try on as many as possible and comment loudly on the merits of each one.
Each parent should then buy the one that makes their child most uncomfortable. If they try to escape to Jamba Juice while you are admiring something in bright pink that is the one you buy.
Keep it at home in a box on the kitchen counter. Take it out every once in a while and look at it lovingly. Pat it and say, "Honey, remember the day we bought this?"
Put it on and wear it around the house if their friends are over and they start telling you how much you don't know and they are making that weird heavy sighing sound and their eyeballs are rolling around loose in their skull.
I don't relate to this at all. I have boys, though, so maybe it's different with boys? They are 12 and 17. All their friends know me because I'm very involved in the schools. In fact, when they do field trips at the schools they ask to be in my group. They prefer to have sleepovers at our place - even though we only rent a 3 bedroom townhome and most of their parents have big $400K+ homes - I think this is because our home feels cozy and comfortable. It is definitely not a "show home" or "model home". Everything is mix-and-match and some things (couch) are kinda worn and somewhat "beat-up". The kids can do whatever they want so long as they are respectful and clean up after themselves, they don't have to worry about breaking anything or stains or whatever.
I dunno why my kids aren't embarrassed of me, or think I'm a retard or whatever. I totally remember hating my mother at this age, but perhaps that was for different reasons. I was a young mom (18 when we became pregnant and 19 when oldest son was born) so maybe that helps me in the staying "cool" dept.? I'm also a full-time SAHM, so I've always had a lot of time for them. We've always done things together, and we've always been the ones to have their friends over because most other moms/parents both work. I am also pretty strict with my kids, too, though... so it's not that I don't set rules or expectations. I dunno. But I just don't relate to this at all. I mean, my boys give me hugs AND kisses in front of their friends, and when I drop them off at places. Bizarre, huh? I'm not complaining!!
So - there is hope, Magritte25! You know what? I just thought of something: I don't lecture. I don't give out the long schpeals (sp?). Sometimes I don't even use words. I use a love & Logic cause & effect type parenting method. I think maybe that helps. I think spanking also causes a lot of backlash later on, the kids as they get older start to resent you for disrespecting them that way, even if it has been a year or more since you spanked them - they remember. It all comes full-circle.
Also, when I do dole out a verbal form of discipline, I clearly state to them that "because you chose to do ____, then ____ needs to happen" or something along those lines. I take the "I" out of it... so ME isn't the reason they face discomfort or irritation, they have grown up knowing that their level of comfort and enjoyment and access to privileges is directly related to the choices they make for themselves. It's really something I think you have to start when they are very, very young. Way, way back... you know when they discover gravity? And they start tossing crap down onto the floor when they should be eating instead? Or tossing their toys and stuff out of the stroller, etc.? I've watched other parents pick it up... again and again and again. I never did. If it went down, it stayed down. (Or if we were out in public we'd pick it up and put it in the diaper bag.) That's just one example. They learned very early on that their actions have consequences - good and bad. It has very little to do with how cool or annoying or whatever mom or dad are. If they do this, that will happen. Mom's just a peacekeeper.
Anyway - long rambly reply. Sorry! I'm so annoying, gosh! lol
Last edited by haggardhouseelf; 07-10-2012 at 11:56 AM..
When my son was much smaller, he thought I was the bees knees. He looked at me one time and said Mom you know EVERYTHING. I looked at him and said, wait until you become a teenager. I will get a lot more stupid then. He was baffled! What is going to happen to you, Mom!??!!? Nothing, love. It is going to happen to you. He is 11 now and insists he will never think I am dumb. We shall see.
We do not deal with this very much. They like us and like to do things with us. Once we ran into our oldest at a restaurant and he asked his friends if they minded if we sat with the kids. I know it is normal and that it happens regularly but we have been lucky. Our kids never complain about us being ridiculous, lame, or embarrassing. They may very well find us to be that way but they don't verbalize it.
Anyway in my case i had an OLDER SISTER who loved to embaress her young tween little sister ugh. In the drug store yelling across the story for everyone to hear "Hey megs, i found that vaginal itch cream you were looking for!".
"I only want to have friend over when you are not home"
"Could you please just sit there and not say anything"
We do not get a lot of that. We remind them daily it is our job and our goal to be ridiculous, embarrassing and annoying. Any attempt to repress our efforts will result in yelling out the window of the car "Bye Bye schmookie wookums, we hope you have a good day, you look so big and grown up, don't foreget to eat yur sandwich before you cookies, be nice to the tacher, we loooooove you (loud kissing sounds)."
At that age, it is our job to be as embarrasing as possible. THe failure to do so, is failing as a parent. You should paint oyur car pink, wear your underwear outside your clothing, wear mismatching shoes . . .
That is how they learn to deal with and avoid the whole keep up with the Joneses thing.
Plus it makes a great persuasion tool. "If you get all As, I will not come to pick you up dressed in my cape anymore."
IF you have girls, it is the time for dad to start cultivating the all important crazy as a loon reputation.
We get told we can only use the front door when she's hanging out with her friends in the back yard.
If I walk into the living room, and she's there with her friends she contorts her face (I really need to get this on video to show at her wedding ) and says in a nasal tone "GO AWAY....YOU'RE EMBARASSING".
This is my "baby angel" who said she'd NEVER get old enough to stop hugging me or think I was embarassing only a couple of years ago.....I have to bribe hugs now.
Thanks for the laugh about the cape...and the idea.... THAT could work....
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He is 11 now and insists he will never think I am dumb. We shall see.
) and says in a nasal tone "GO AWAY....YOU'RE EMBARASSING". 
