Troubles getting 5 month old to sleep... help! (breastfeed, method, milk)
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My wife an I have a wonderful and happy little 5 month old girl. When it comes to putting her to sleep we have a real hard time. We get her nice and calm but as soon as we lay her down she starts getting fussy. The fussyness escalates and soon she gets so upset that it's tough to calm her back down again. We've been told that it's okay to let her cry but letting her cry is what leads to her being extremely upset. Am I just being a little over sensitive or is there something other parents have done that really helps their baby stay more calm once laid down?
How have you gotten her to sleep in the past? I don't think that most 5 month old babies will just lay down and fall asleep on their own. Can you pat her back and shush her? Can you rock her? Nurse her? Lay down with her?
I have done this with three kids. We call it going through the tunnel.
It will not be easy for you, but it works.
First, you need a regular bedtime routine that generally includes feeding, then bath then bed.
During this routine, your demeanor should be very calm, quiet and soothing. Do not play with her and get her all riled up then try to lay her down. But you don't have to soothe her to sleep in your arms. You want her to be a little bit awake.
Then comes the hard part. She may cry when you lay her down, but that's OK. ONE PARENT should go into the room to put the baby to bed. Having both in the room is too distracting and stimulating. Pat her, LEAVE the room, then wait 3 minutes outside the door and out of her sight. If she is still crying at that time, go back in and lay her back down, pat her then LEAVE the room. Do not lay down with her, DO NOT pick her up and cuddle her. Just reestablish the routine and leave.
This time wait 5 minutes before you go back in and repeat the steps.
The point is to gradually lengthen the time that you go back in, and to teach the baby that long crying will lead only to a quick check from you. It's based on the Richard Ferber method. He has written a book if you want to check it out.
The reason we call it "going through the tunnel" is because it is VERY hard, but it does work. In fact, with one of mine the third night was pure H*LL - he cried for a 45-minute interval one night - but the next night he cried for 5 minutes, then went to sleep and never had another issue.
This is NOT a "cry it out" routine. You always are checking on your baby, but you are training them to soothe themselves to sleep, which is what they are supposed to do.
If you can stick with it, it will work. My husband had to talk me out of giving up one time, and that's when we started calling it "the tunnel." He actually said, "We're almost out of the tunnel. Why would you wnat to turn around and go back??"
Just resist the temptation to introduce bottles of milk in the crib or bring in other crutch items for her to rely on. Don't put her in your bed, don't get in hers. Just try to "get through the tunnel."
I have heard of people using electric toothbrushs to calm their child down. I don't know if it would be any different, but we started using a sound machine at one point, and it makes a huge difference. We had our daughter in our room with us for the first 18 months, and with the sound machine, we no longer had to tip toe and worry that our sounds would stir her. We ALL slept more soundly!!! My daughter is almost 3 and we still use it for her. The sound carries over the monitor so we still sleep soundly as we listen to it.
But I agree with the routine as well. I never had the whole bath thing as a routine necessarily... or much of one at all. But crying it out and slowly extending the time between checking on her is good. If you're at your breaking point, go ahead and rock her to sleep. But definitely go as long as you can without doing that. Give in early a few times, but when you've been practicing it for a while you need to wait longer and longer so she realizes you are still always there, and it's all okay. Try to soothe her while she's laying down. Brush your hand over her cheek and hair, rub her back. Sing her a lullaby while she's laying down and let her hear your voice as she starts to drift off.
Are you laying her down before she is fully asleep? At 5 months, I think we were rocking her to complete sleep before we put her in her crib. She was out like a light and wouldn't wake up before we tried to lay her down. The idea of sleep training may sound a lot nicer than it actually is to make it work this early. As the previous poster said... it's very hard and takes patience and dedication, but if you're persistent, you can do it. Find something that soothes her that you can leave her with. (Sound machine!)
(ps - this is our sound machine. Fairly cheap, and not 'perfect' but I like it. My one real peeve is that when you turn it off, it doesn't remember what you had it set to and always reverts to the default. We always combo the ocean waves with the thunder at full volume, and I have to hit 2 buttons, then repeatedly increase the volume every single night, rather than just turning it on... Amazon.com: DEX Products Sound Sleeper SS-01: Baby )
My wife an I have a wonderful and happy little 5 month old girl. When it comes to putting her to sleep we have a real hard time. We get her nice and calm but as soon as we lay her down she starts getting fussy. The fussyness escalates and soon she gets so upset that it's tough to calm her back down again. We've been told that it's okay to let her cry but letting her cry is what leads to her being extremely upset. Am I just being a little over sensitive or is there something other parents have done that really helps their baby stay more calm once laid down?
I don't believe in letting babies cry. There's no good reason to let them give up on getting consolation which is what letting them cry is. Either rock the baby or walk around with the baby.
If you really need your sleep, there's nothing wrong with just letting the baby cuddle with the parents in their bed. It's more natural which is why a baby sleeping with the parent sleeps happily and contently. Attachment versus dettachment is what co-sleeping is about.
I thought I was fully responsible for the soothing of my 1st baby. I walked with her in our forest (fresh air) in circles and circles for what seemed like miles. She would watch the tops of the trees but never fall asleep. I would jump at her crying and go through the list of all her needs: warm? - check. not hungry? - check. no pain? - check. Then I would still feel responsible and rock her/breastfeed her/walk round the room. By 5 months, I was exhausted, and finally said, - no more. I had to let her cry it out at night and start spacing out the feedings.
With the 2nd baby, I knew that CRYING is ONE of the NEEDS. It develops lungs and vocal cords. His crying didn't bother me much. Unless it was clearly a distress crying, going on for hours, I'd let him cry.
How have you gotten her to sleep in the past? I don't think that most 5 month old babies will just lay down and fall asleep on their own. Can you pat her back and shush her? Can you rock her? Nurse her? Lay down with her?
5 months is too young to leave a baby alone to cry herself to sleep.
I read the book and used the method. It's recommended for 6 months and up.
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5 months is too young to leave a baby alone to cry herself to sleep.
