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I'm not surprised she was mortified. She will probably start deleting everything now. Kids learn quickly to cover their tracks, if only to avoid embarrassing encounters like that one. The one thing you can be glad about is that her reaction did not appear to egg on the boys.
My high-school boys didn't have phones in 5th grade, but they did message friends online. It was much easier to track than texting.
I can't tell you that it gets better. All it takes is one kid who is overtly sexual to expose your child to stuff you, much less they, are not ready for. One of mine had a classmate, a girl who, in 6th grade, was basically trying to sext him. That has not been the norm, though.
I personally think 5th grade is too young for a phone or texting because the boys, especially, think they are real bad-*sses at that age. Often they are the oldest kids in their school, and they know just enough to get in trouble. They don't have the judgment to handle texting because, emboldened by the keyboard and "safe" behind a screen, they write things that they would NEVER say on the phone or in person.
You know your child, and it sounds like her instincts are in a good place. I'm sure you have given her the phone to communicate with you, so if you continue to allow her to text, you will have to completely trust her or else start checking her messages openly, which would make her feel untrustworthy. I would encourage her to listen to that "uncomfortable" feeling, that is her conscience telling her that situation is wrong.
You are so smart. Thank you. You are right about so much. She will be more careful with what she leaves on her phone. That was my dilemma when mentioning what I saw. I have asked to her stop with all of the texting, and she agrees that it was too much.
She did get a phone for practical reasons, but the texting has become out of control. You were right about the boys being on the older end of the spectrum. She is as well. I doubt the 10yos are as "advanced".
Sounds like you have a bright little girl that is mature for her age (in a good way!) Honestly in 5th grade I think it should be OK for you to look at her phone, (You are still paying the bill right?) but she does need to know that you trust her. Keep the conversation going as she gets older and continue to boost her confidence at home and she will probably make good choices.
In response to the other post about pop culture having nothing to do with it because it was in the 60's; There was quite a culture going on then too! And I didn't say that pop culture had everything to do with it, but even kids who are not thinking of those things on their own yet are confronted with them (by kids their own age) quite early now. This could be part of what's helping the OP's boys to be so bold and smooth talking.
You too are so right!! All the kids watching the Twilight movies and The Titanic remake and not to mention all those freaking Disney Chanel shows. All about being in love and romance...
As a mom, I feel like this year has been too much (for me): her developing, her wanting to wear skin tight jeans, just watching her spending more time grooming... it's as if she's in a rush.
I told my husband that maybe I'm not spending enough time with her. I feel like when we are together I am nagging. I used to think that the girls who were seeking love outside the home weren't getting enough love in the home. My husband assured me that it wasn't the case, but of course, I think I can do more.
His biggest concern is that all this drama will be a distraction from school. He feels that the kids are just play acting/ pretending to be grown up and that it's harmless.
Anyway, thank for your advice and for "listening".
My response won't work for everyone, but my approach to kids + technology comes from my own upbringing with parents who had NO boundaries with me and were constantly convinced (based solely on their own fears and insecurities) that I was always participating in slutty behavior. Even at age 11 and 12.
Back then, my friends and I passed notes at school. I, being a romantic and pack rat, kept all the notes in a shopping bag at the back of my closet. So clever, right??
Well, I swear their contents would make today's kids yawn, but I found out later that my parents used to read all those notes regularly. That feeling was sickening. It continues to impede our relationship today.
So I am not one of those, "I pay for the damn phone. Hand it over and let me read every single thing!!!" kind of parents. Based on my experience, that kind of approach tells kids they are untrustworthy and makes them go underground, if you will. It teaches them to lie, to be secretive, to cover up, but not so they can do "bad" stuff. It's usually just to avoid the hassle and disappointment from Mom and Dad.
I prefer to try to teach my kids how to handle the very powerful technology they have. I finally told my 15-year-old, "Look, porn is out there, and it's free. I could look at it every day, all day if I wanted. But I don't because I know that would be bad for me and those around me. There is nothing magical to stop me from viewing it. I have to make that choice. And you do too." I try to teach them about how other people's responses will NOT always match yours and will not always be OK. I try to empower them.
this is exactly why I don't want my 10 yo to have a phone and when she does get one I will not allow texting feature. They don't need it at that age. I can see need for phone for rides etc but we set up things before they go out and if emergency happens she can always ask to borrow a friends phone.
this is exactly why I don't want my 10 yo to have a phone and when she does get one I will not allow texting feature. They don't need it at that age. I can see need for phone for rides etc but we set up things before they go out and if emergency happens she can always ask to borrow a friends phone.
near impossible to not have these days unless you can lock them down from dling anything, and even then... The issue is there are lots of free apps that allow free texting between phones. Or say with iphones and i think blackberries as well the texting is free of charge. Better to get her a prepaid limited minute phone over a smart phone
I found out this morning that my second-grade son gave a note to a girl in his class telling her that he loved her.
LOL! It's very sweet when it happens in 2nd grade. Later, not so much. I also have to wonder if these things are harder when you have daughters. I would be so much more relaxed if I had a son... I think.
LOL! It's very sweet when it happens in 2nd grade. Later, not so much. I also have to wonder if these things are harder when you have daughters. I would be so much more relaxed if I had a son... I think.
I don't know ... my son has always loved the ladies. His teacher asked him why he wrote the note. She said he sighed and said, "Because she is so beautiful."
I don't think I'll be that relaxed once the girls start liking him back!
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