Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No matter what the age of your child, it is true, imo, that you need to consider discipline. It helps if you have a philosophy of child rearing or parenting. The importance of consistency cannot be overstressed. It helps to have knowledge of how children develop and of their various ages and stages.
Babies and toddlers are naturally curious. So it's wise to eliminate temptations and no-nos — items such as TVs and video equipment, stereos, jewelry, and especially cleaning supplies and medications should be kept well out of reach.
Quote:
And don't forget that kids learn by watching adults, particularly their parents. Make sure your behavior is role-model material. You'll make a much stronger impression by putting your own belongings away rather than just issuing orders to your child to pick up toys while your stuff is left strewn around.
I don't believe that you have to punish children, but I do agree with what is said about explaining the rules here. In the example below, cleaning up the mess does not seem punitive to me, but it is an important idea that can be used to instill the fact that when you make a mess, you take responsibility by cleaning it up.
Quote:
Ages 3 to 5
As your child grows and begins to understand the connection between actions and consequences, make sure you start communicating the rules of your family's home.
Quote:
Explain to kids what you expect of them before you punish them for a certain behavior. For instance, the first time your 3-year-old uses crayons to decorate the living room wall, discuss why that's not allowed and what will happen if your child does it again (for instance, your child will have to help clean the wall and will not be able to use the crayons for the rest of the day). If the wall gets decorated again a few days later, issue a reminder that crayons are for paper only and then enforce the consequences.
Quote:
It's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. For example, instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch," try "Please sit on the furniture and put your feet on the floor."
Natural consequences work well for most ages actually. What is said here for 6 to 8 year olds also goes for 9 to 12 year olds and for teens.
Quote:
Ages 6 to 8
Timeouts and consequences are also effective discipline strategies for this age group.
Again, consistency is crucial, as is follow-through. Make good on any promises of discipline or else you risk undermining your authority. Kids have to believe that you mean what you say. This is not to say you can't give second chances or allow a certain margin of error, but for the most part, you should act on what you say.
Imho, discipline for our older kids needs to be implemented *with* them rather than simply through giving them orders. If you sit down and talk to your kids about why things are important and allow them to see what the consequences should be, they will often be harder on themselves that you would be.
I think this is a CRITICALLY important topic though it is true that there is too much there to discuss in a forum thread. As parents our main job should be teaching them how to live; self control, empathy, judgement, character, integrity, work ethic. You cannot get there through anything but good, positive, sensitive discipline.
It's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. For example, instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch," try "Please sit on the furniture and put your feet on the floor."
The authors of the book How to Talk... speak about the language of cooperation. That put together with the why, in a concise sentence would be couches are for sitting, it would be helpful if you did not jump on it."
But yes please sit on the furniture is good too.
Another way is "I am concerned about damaging the couch. Please sit on furniture and jump on trampolines."
The one thing I disagree with is that the use of Please confers optionality. It is polite and caring. But in my opinion, in no way sends the message that my request is optional.
Quote:
Imho, discipline for our older kids needs to be implemented *with* them rather than simply through giving them orders. If you sit down and talk to your kids about why things are important and allow them to see what the consequences should be, they will often be harder on themselves that you would be.
AND on the flip side, allowing them to their point of view and troubleshoot possible options is helpful as well. Modelling and role playing troubleshooting skills is important and, in my opinion, should not wait until the kids are older. TELLING them why is not as useful as exploring all the possible consequences and solutions.
Status:
"Enjoying Little Rock AR"
(set 3 days ago)
Location: The New England part of Ohio
24,139 posts, read 32,552,007 times
Reputation: 68432
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
I think this is a CRITICALLY important topic though it is true that there is too much there to discuss in a forum thread. As parents our main job should be teaching them how to live; self control, empathy, judgement, character, integrity, work ethic. You cannot get there through anything but good, positive, sensitive discipline.
I agree completely with this poster! I want these characteristics in my children, and I will mold, hone, reward and take away, and YES DICIPLINE, until THOSE TRAITS are their nature.
I agree completely with this poster! I want these characteristics in my children, and I will mold, hone, reward and take away, and YES DICIPLINE, until THOSE TRAITS are their nature.
Anyone with me on this?
The Child Centered Carnival is ENDING!
There is more to discipline than punishment and reward. The biggest part of discipline involves modeling good behavior. The root of the word discipline is from the latin word “discipulus,” which means student or pupil.
The problem may not be the kids so much as the way parents define discipline. Childhood health experts say many parents think discipline means meting out punishment. But often the punishments parents use end up reinforcing the bad behavior instead of correcting it. Surprisingly, the most effective discipline typically doesn’t involve any punishment at all, but instead focuses on positive reinforcement when children are being good.
Quote:
Many parents’ discipline methods don’t work because children quickly learn that it’s much easier to capture a parent’s attention with bad behavior than with good. Parents unwittingly reinforce this by getting on the phone, sending e-mail messages or reading the paper as soon as a child starts playing quietly, and by stopping the activity and scolding a child when he starts to misbehave.
That sounds like the battle cry of the kids should be seen and not heard and strong armed into submission. Not what I am talking about. While I will cede that I think there are big pockets of entitlement, wanting to appease kids' upset that is to the detriment to said kid's disciplinary education, I think that swinging that pendulum over to punitive and top down attitudes is every bit as unhelpful.
No matter what the age of your child, it is true, imo, that you need to consider discipline. It helps if you have a philosophy of child rearing or parenting. The importance of consistency cannot be overstressed. It helps to have knowledge of how children develop and of their various ages and stages.
I don't believe that you have to punish children, but I do agree with what is said about explaining the rules here. In the example below, cleaning up the mess does not seem punitive to me, but it is an important idea that can be used to instill the fact that when you make a mess, you take responsibility by cleaning it up.
Natural consequences work well for most ages actually. What is said here for 6 to 8 year olds also goes for 9 to 12 year olds and for teens.
Imho, discipline for our older kids needs to be implemented *with* them rather than simply through giving them orders. If you sit down and talk to your kids about why things are important and allow them to see what the consequences should be, they will often be harder on themselves that you would be.
Totally agree! Especially the natural consequences part. Case in point, and this might be a bit lengthy but it really sums what we do as parents in this household.
As mentioned previously, my son is 13 and for many years has been involved as a helper on various projects. I have, for many years, got him involved with simple wiring- replacing light fixtures, adding an outlet, changing outlets- things like that. The majority of this time or experience is set in teaching the discipline of working safely with electricity. For example-
Step 1- Have tools and supplies necessary for the job on hand and ready
Step 2- turn off the breaker for the area your working on
Step 3- verify the circuit you are about to work on is not hot with a tester
Step 4- remove the old fixture
and so on.. you get the point. During this whole process he is asking questions about electricity and I do my best to explain why we follow safety protocols, how electricity works and how the device works, etc.. He knows not following protocols or 'discipline' can be dangerous. So fast forward a few years. This past Christmas he receives an electronics build set- a kit to experiment with various motors, switches, devices (radio, lights etc). The kit is entirely designed to work on battery power, not household current. He gets to the final experiment which is building a radio. (He is doing all these experiments on his own, BTW). The instructions state "For best signal reception, try attaching the antennae wire to a grounded metal screw, such as found on the back of your computer". So my son knows he is not supposed to mess with the computer (taking it apart etc..) So he extrapolates "Hey- the electrical outlets are grounded, and I know our outlets have 3 prong receptacle for grounded plugs, so I'll just stick the antennae wire in the outlet".
Pzzzzzt!! He got whacked with 110 household, fried the outlet and tripped the breaker.
He KNOWS not to mess with electricity without Dad around, and he is AWARE of the protocols to follow if you are going to do something out of the ordinary with an outlet or fixture. I did not raise my voice. I did not yell. I did not scold. There was no grounding, or loss of t.v. or some other crap like that. I let him know I was disappointed in his judgement because I felt he knew better, and that he knows first hand through working with me how serious dealing with household current is.
So my attempt to 're-discipline' my son is as follows:
1. Immediately check the damaged outlet. Repeat all safety protocols.
2. Made a list of new supplies needed (outlet, outlet cover, new tester for my son)
3. He went out that evening with me to the hardware store and purchased all supplies at hs expense.
4. With my instruction, he replaced all damaged items following appropriate protocol.
5. We sat down and discussed the seriousness of the incident, and I asked him to relinquish all devices and equipment that I entrusted to him because I had felt he was responsible enough to own and handle. This included;
a) camping knives and tools
b) backpacking stove and fuel
c) his personal handtools
d) other devices where a degree of common sense is required to operate
This was devastating for him. He lost a lot of items that had real meaning for him. He understands that I have to feel confident with his 'common sense' before I will return some of these items to him. The length of time this takes is completely on him.
So in short (and thanks for reading if you're still with me ) the consequences of his actions drove my decision. Is this 'punishment', or an attempt to re-instill a sense of discipline when dealing with matters such as this? Some parents may say- "Well you are letting a child have to much responsibility, it's the parents fault" Some would yell and banish kids to no t.v. or being 'grounded.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
