How hard do you push your kids? (prodigy, average, support)
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I'm curious to know how much is considered too much. If you have a child who is particularly talented at something, do you make them pursue that talent? Or do you let them decide if they "want" to or not?
My dd is only 5, and on one hand, I hear a lot of "let a kid be a kid, let her enjoy her childhood, don't push her" comments, which I agree with to a certain extent, and I do make sure she enjoys all aspects of her life, whether it be having play dates, spending time with family, or just having time to do whatever she feels like doing. But another part of me feels I would be doing her a huge disservice to allow her to simply "be a kid" and not push her to do her best, try her hardest, and live up to her full potential. Typically, kids never "want" to do anything besides play and have fun. Any kind of practicing, rehearsing, studying, etc. is not considered fun. They have to be made to do it. Some people are horrified at the idea of a 5 year old being made to do something they don't want to do. Others feel it's the case of a parent living vicariously through their kid. I know there must be a line between Tiger mom and don't-really-care mom, but where that line is is the big question.
None of the things my kids were "passionate" about at age 5 remains their passion today. The best thing you can do for your child is let them be a kid but also listen to what they want to do. If they want to sign up for soccer because their friends are, sign them up. If they happen to be good at it, great, if not, so what. If they don't like it, however, do not let them quit until the season is over because that is a good lesson to be learned as well.
We have signed the kids up for some things that we felt would be good for them and they had no opinions in that matter--swimming lessons, Tae Kwon Do, but for the most part we let the kids pick what they wanted to do and try all kinds of different things.
My daughter is a very talented artist. We don't have to push her to pursue the talent. She draws all the time. Sometimes it's hard to get her to stop drawing and do her homework or other chores. She also gets really mad if I make suggestions to improve her artwork, things like perspective or shading.
I (once again) agree with golfgal. Learning discipline is fine, I think committing to a sport or instrument is great. But, I'd be careful to not become a stage mom. Let your kid try lots of different things, just make sure when they make the commitment they take it seriously. If there's something that you feel strongly about (for me learning to swim) then that's part of life...sorry kiddo. But, I wouldn't try to create a prodigy just because your child shows some talent in a particular area. Play is so important.
I'm curious to know how much is considered too much. If you have a child who is particularly talented at something, do you make them pursue that talent? Or do you let them decide if they "want" to or not?
My dd is only 5, and on one hand, I hear a lot of "let a kid be a kid, let her enjoy her childhood, don't push her" comments, which I agree with to a certain extent, and I do make sure she enjoys all aspects of her life, whether it be having play dates, spending time with family, or just having time to do whatever she feels like doing. But another part of me feels I would be doing her a huge disservice to allow her to simply "be a kid" and not push her to do her best, try her hardest, and live up to her full potential. Typically, kids never "want" to do anything besides play and have fun. Any kind of practicing, rehearsing, studying, etc. is not considered fun. They have to be made to do it. Some people are horrified at the idea of a 5 year old being made to do something they don't want to do. Others feel it's the case of a parent living vicariously through their kid. I know there must be a line between Tiger mom and don't-really-care mom, but where that line is is the big question.
Thoughts?
You let them peruse it on their own. If you push them to do something they might have talent for you risk them ending up hating it down the road.
I'm curious to know how much is considered too much. If you have a child who is particularly talented at something, do you make them pursue that talent? Or do you let them decide if they "want" to or not?
My dd is only 5, and on one hand, I hear a lot of "let a kid be a kid, let her enjoy her childhood, don't push her" comments, which I agree with to a certain extent, and I do make sure she enjoys all aspects of her life, whether it be having play dates, spending time with family, or just having time to do whatever she feels like doing. But another part of me feels I would be doing her a huge disservice to allow her to simply "be a kid" and not push her to do her best, try her hardest, and live up to her full potential. Typically, kids never "want" to do anything besides play and have fun. Any kind of practicing, rehearsing, studying, etc. is not considered fun. They have to be made to do it. Some people are horrified at the idea of a 5 year old being made to do something they don't want to do. Others feel it's the case of a parent living vicariously through their kid. I know there must be a line between Tiger mom and don't-really-care mom, but where that line is is the big question.
Thoughts?
I think that you have to pay attention to your child, allow them to figure out what they like and let them pursue what they enjoy. However, most pursuits, even enjoyable ones, have aspects that are tedious. It is at that point, that you have to consider a little push a positive thing.
You also have to be age appropriate. If you have a musical child that is 6 years old it is appropriate to require the child to practice on a daily basis. It is not appropriate to require that child to practice hours a day.
If a child really likes something they will eventually come to understand that hard work is required to excel at it. It is your job to guide them to that point (usually not until they are older). I think that the hardest thing for parents to do is figure out whether their child really likes an activity or not. If child really does not like an activity there is no reason to force them to do that one thing.
One thing that I think parents should do is to make their child finish the season, month, class, whatever. When my kids were small we allowed them to try many different things. If they didn't like the activity they didn't have to do it again, but they had to finish the season that they started. We did not allow them to drop out although we did not require that they sign up again.
It is entirely possible to push them a little and still allow them time to be kids. I would recommend limiting activities to one at a time so that they do not get overwhelmed by being so busy that they don't really get any time to just hang around and be a kid.
My point was, when a kid is truly talented in a particular area, you don't have to push them to practice it. They just want to.
I know some parents who decide that their child is going to be good at a certain thing, and then push them to do that one thing. For example, I know a woman who has two absolutely average-looking daughters. She has decided they're going to be models, and pays for classes and an agent for them. She says she's helping her daughters to succeed in their dream to be models, but I've never heard either girl say they wanted to be a model.
I think that you have to pay attention to your child, allow them to figure out what they like and let them pursue what they enjoy. However, most pursuits, even enjoyable ones, have aspects that are tedious. It is at that point, that you have to consider a little push a positive thing.
You also have to be age appropriate. If you have a musical child that is 6 years old it is appropriate to require the child to practice on a daily basis. It is not appropriate to require that child to practice hours a day.
If a child really likes something they will eventually come to understand that hard work is required to excel at it. It is your job to guide them to that point (usually not until they are older). I think that the hardest thing for parents to do is figure out whether their child really likes an activity or not. If child really does not like an activity there is no reason to force them to do that one thing.
One thing that I think parents should do is to make their child finish the season, month, class, whatever. When my kids were small we allowed them to try many different things. If they didn't like the activity they didn't have to do it again, but they had to finish the season that they started. We did not allow them to drop out although we did not require that they sign up again.
It is entirely possible to push them a little and still allow them time to be kids. I would recommend limiting activities to one at a time so that they do not get overwhelmed by being so busy that they don't really get any time to just hang around and be a kid.
I don't think it's bad to push a kid a little.
Exactly! My dd loves to dance, and often spends her play time in her room, playing music and dancing the way SHE wants to. But when it comes time to practice her teacher's choreography or exercises, she doesn't want to do it. That's the aspect of it that is tedious and boring to her, and that's when I step in and make her. I would never force her to practice for hours (the story of the Tiger mom lady who wouldn't let her dd go to the bathroom or eat until she got her piano piece perfect comes to mind...that would never happen!) and if I didn't feel she liked it or had an interest in it, I surely wouldn't waste my time or money. But dance is the one activity, out of soccer, cheerleading, karate, swimming, that she has stuck with consistently and shows a real passion for.
I think when she gets old enough to know the hard work she'll have to put in if she wants to pursue dance professionally, and she decides it's not worth it, that's one thing. But for right now, I feel I need to give her a chance to succeed in it, if that is what she wants to do, and with that means a push here or there. My concern is overdoing the pushing.
You've gotten very good advice here. I don't always practice what I preach, but I have learned a thing or two. One thing is that if your child wants to take a class or join a team and decides they don't like it after the first two times you have to insist that they finish what they started. Then you don't sign up again if they really didn't like it, but they have to complete their obligation.
When they are 5 it's good to expose them to all kinds of things and find out what they love most, then you support that interest in any way you can. Pushing a child to play tennis when they have zero eye hand coordination never works. But if you want them to play a sport find something that they can do that is enjoyable for them.
I would love for my daughter to get into Fencing, but she has made it clear she doesn't like it. I realize that I would be making a mistake to insist she takes classes in this area. However, she doesn't like math, but we do insist that she does occasional extra math before the state tests. See the difference?
Most kids will find a passion or two. It's more likely to happen if you don't choose this passion for them.
My point was, when a kid is truly talented in a particular area, you don't have to push them to practice it. They just want to.
I know some parents who decide that their child is going to be good at a certain thing, and then push them to do that one thing. For example, I know a woman who has two absolutely average-looking daughters. She has decided they're going to be models, and pays for classes and an agent for them. She says she's helping her daughters to succeed in their dream to be models, but I've never heard either girl say they wanted to be a model.
I thought this at one time too, but I'm beginning to see more and more that it's not always true. A kid who is talented in any area may enjoy practicing in their own way, on their own time, but not in any structured way that may improve their abilities. Teachers and instructors have a particular way that they want students to learn, and even a talented child will want to do it their own way or not at all.
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My dd loves to dance, and often spends her play time in her room, playing music and dancing the way SHE wants to. But when it comes time to practice her teacher's choreography or exercises, she doesn't want to do it. That's the aspect of it that is tedious and boring to her, and that's when I step in and make her. I would never force her to practice for hours (the story of the Tiger mom lady who wouldn't let her dd go to the bathroom or eat until she got her piano piece perfect comes to mind...that would never happen!) and if I didn't feel she liked it or had an interest in it, I surely wouldn't waste my time or money. But dance is the one activity, out of soccer, cheerleading, karate, swimming, that she has stuck with consistently and shows a real passion for. 
