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So your son hits you and you do what exactly??? And how would your husband react?
I can pretty much guarantee that it isn't going to happen because I have a gentleman for a husband who sets a non-violent example for our sons. The 14 yo in the previous post raised his hand to his mother. The poster didn't even say that he actually hit her. In that case, I'd grab his arm and prevent him from hitting me. I wouldn't beat him up, and I wouldn't have my husband come home hours later and start in on him all over again. There might be counseling, grounding, all kinds of things, but not a parent beating up a child.
Some of you may think it is normal or just because he's a teen boy. It's not. I have known lots of teen boys, and I've never known one to punch his mother or in turn be beat up by both his parents. This is not normal. It is not healthy. It isn't something that happens in normal healthy relationships.
At this point, it's my opinion that this thread should be closed. The OP has no intention of doing anything about his deadbeat sons or helping himself. He's either a troll or... well, he's not going to get it.
OP, quit wasting everyone's time.
Yes, this thread has been a waste from the absolutely terrible advice I have received so far. I can't believe that some people would be willing to be so rude to their kids. I guess no one has any idea what it is like to have adult children living with you. These are not teenagers.
This has been an extreme waste of my time and my wife's time. We will consult other outlets for our issues.
Yes, this thread has been a waste from the absolutely terrible advice I have received so far. I can't believe that some people would be willing to be so rude to their kids. I guess no one has any idea what it is like to have adult children living with you. These are not teenagers.
This has been an extreme waste of my time and my wife's time. We will consult other outlets for our issues.
I never tell a father this, but I have to. Grow a fricking pair and kick those two you call "sons" out, if you ever want a solution. Otherwise, you're at the wailing wall for the rest of eternity.
Yes, this thread has been a waste from the absolutely terrible advice I have received so far. I can't believe that some people would be willing to be so rude to their kids. I guess no one has any idea what it is like to have adult children living with you. These are not teenagers.
This has been an extreme waste of my time and my wife's time. We will consult other outlets for our issues.
I hope by that you mean real professional therapists - your family is in major need of it.
A family this screwed up did not happen overnight, so don't expect a quick fix.
I can pretty much guarantee that it isn't going to happen because I have a gentleman for a husband who sets a non-violent example for our sons. The 14 yo in the previous post raised his hand to his mother. The poster didn't even say that he actually hit her. In that case, I'd grab his arm and prevent him from hitting me. I wouldn't beat him up, and I wouldn't have my husband come home hours later and start in on him all over again. There might be counseling, grounding, all kinds of things, but not a parent beating up a child.
Some of you may think it is normal or just because he's a teen boy. It's not. I have known lots of teen boys, and I've never known one to punch his mother or in turn be beat up by both his parents. This is not normal. It is not healthy. It isn't something that happens in normal healthy relationships.
The boy deserves one slap at least. You need to be a parent, not a Buddhist friend
Hmm, our sons are 23 and 27. We live in Atlanta, not New York. Our sons degrees are not in finance either. I explicitly said that one of our sons had a job I think online poker is a popular way for young men to make additonal money nowadays. Our kids have no desire to move out, where it seems the guy in that post wants to leave. What in the world would I get out of being dishonest?
And by playing online poker to make additional money to party in your home, eat your food and could give two pennies about how they treat you instead of investing that money into getting their own place? Sorry but you are digging your own grave here and making excuses
Anyway we do not want our sons living on the streets. We were thinking of offering to rent them an apartment to get on their feet, then slowly require them to start paying their own way. As far as cutting off cable and internet, they make their own money and would be able to pay for their own service. My wife and I refuse to compromise our comforts to squeeze our sons out of the house. We are not going to turn off our electricity, cut off cable and internet, remove doors from our home, live with an empty fridge, and live in a home where we play other passive aggressive games. We are aging and trying to enjoy our retirement.
You are thinking about offering to rent them an apartment to get them on their feet? My sympathy for you and your wife is waning. You are enabling them and not allowing them to get off of their butts, take responsibilty and get jobs and apartments like 'normal' twenty something year olds. Trying to enjoy your retirement by spending your hard earned retirement funds on two twentysomethings is not enjoyment.
We are good parents with kids who just need an extra push. They are college graduates, did well in school, and can be helpful at times. We just need our home back and we need to do this without ruining our relationship. The physical attacks stopped about five years ago after my wife and I signed up for self-defense classes. We want to enjoy our golden years without our sons inviting themselves on our vacations, using our vehicles without our permission, and interrupting our dinner parties with their foul-mouthed, drunk and high friends coming by.
The mere fact that you just admitted that the physical attacks stopped once you and your wife signed up for self defense class makes me wonder if your story is bs. I as a parent would never ever ever and I swear ever raise a child that I would have to be so fearful that I need to take self defense classes. Who are the parents, you or your sons?
We are incapable of being cold and shunning. My wife and I are in counseling about this and feel we are making some progress. I just wanted some advice on how to get my kids out without destroying our relationship. These are our only kids and we love them very much. Cutting our relationship ties is not an option. They will have families and we want to be a part of our future grandchildrens' lives.
It is clearly that you equate parental abuse with love.I think you and your wife should continue counseling but consider getting a very good attorney and try to imagine life without your sons for now. The relationship you have with them is not healthy for all parties involved and sometimes you do have to cut someone off until they get the 'picture'. Do not worry about grandchildren or the future. Worry about what is going on in your life NOW.They need to change and sometimes one cannot change if the status quo continues to remain the same. The more you allow them to do this to you, the more you enable and the more you make excuses the worse it will get.
I hope by that you mean real professional therapists - your family is in major need of it.
A family this screwed up did not happen overnight, so don't expect a quick fix.
Thank you, Dr. Phil. We are very aware that this didn't happen overnight. We just want them out of our house without involve the police, making our home unlivable, and leaving our home to our kids. This is not an unreasonable desire.
Thank you, Dr. Phil. We are very aware that this didn't happen overnight. We just want them out of our house without involve the police, making our home unlivable, and leaving our home to our kids. This is not an unreasonable desire.
Why not do it right now?
Transfer all property and get out. Join the Buddhist monastery or something.
Final act of love.
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