Potentially relocating without son (divorced, weigh, parents, married)
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I potentially have an offer to relocate to Colorado - one that includes a buy out of my current home which is negative about $40K.
The relocation is a minimum 1 year committment but could go longer based on how hard it is to get back to California. I would expect the actual timeframe would be abotu 24 months.
My child is 14 and is a freshman this year and I enjoy being a parent.
He has always lived with his mother (primarily). I had him every other weekend and about 45% of the time for the last 4 years.
This opportunity will be great work experience and would help me reset my financial standing due to the real estate buy out.
Not delinquent on my mortgage or anything but am interested in getting a larger home as my son gets older. Hoping to provide him a place for when he is in college - one that doesnt feel cramped. Current place is 890 sq ft 2 bed.
I figured I could fly him out once a month and summers and breaks.
I spoke with him about it and he seems fine but you never know. Both his mother and I have new relationships (married) so he technically has 4 parents.
The 10 year plan decision seems to say move due to the work experience and financial set up.
The 3 year plan stinks because I am not here to experience the high school stuff with him. At least not like now.
IMO the benefits of the move for you are strong enough to make the move. As long as you have the means to see your son regularly, he will adjust. It stinks, but this economy stinks.
We moved out of state and left our son behind the summer he graduated from high school. He could have come with us, but he chose to remain behind with his friends before leaving for college. It was tough to drive away (and granted, it was only a few months before he would have left us), but a job promotion made it the best decision for our family.
You do have to go where you need to and so sad to leave a loved one and not be involved face to face. My children are 21 and 26 and I will be relocating in 6 months and I'm torn because I will miss them too.
If you can communicate often and use Skype and fly him out for a visit, he will be fine. I know that there is no substitute for being there in person but he is in High School and even though I was with both my children during their high school years, they were rarely home and I had to make special "dates" to even see them.
The guilt at times is over whelming (believe me) but you are thinking of his future too trying to get a bigger home etc. but there will always be the separation. You are a caring parent and seems you will make sure he is always included in your life. Good luck OP...
It sounds like the reasons to go are strong enough to do it. Since your son's primary residence is his mom's, and that won't change, I think the disruption in his life would be minimal. You can talk on the phone and skype. It isn't the same as being there, but it sounds doable to me. Good luck.
I guess I am the voice of dissension here. What a shock. I would not move away from my minor child for anything short of dire need. Kids need their parents over everything else, including a larger domicile. Skype is not the same. Not even close.
I guess I am the voice of dissension here. What a shock. I would not move away from my minor child for anything short of dire need. Kids need their parents over everything else, including a larger domicile. Skype is not the same. Not even close.
I can't say if I would do it or not. I've never been in that situation. But people DO do it. I know several. I've always paused and wondered why, but it is done, especially when the child primarily lives with the other parent.
I can't say if I would do it or not. I've never been in that situation. But people DO do it. I know several. I've always paused and wondered why, but it is done, especially when the child primarily lives with the other parent.
Sure people do it. I wouldn't. I would want to be able to chaperone dances, go to sports events, be available to bail them out in an emergency... The fact that the child did not live with me doesn't make me any less their parent. For ME being divorced would not remove my obligation to be a full time parent.
My father worked away from home during my high school years and I hardly ever saw him. Strange as it may sound, it did not affect our relationship negatively. Each situation is different but distance doesn't mean the ruin of a relationship.
I guess I am the voice of dissension here. What a shock. I would not move away from my minor child for anything short of dire need. Kids need their parents over everything else, including a larger domicile. Skype is not the same. Not even close.
You're not alone here Somebody. I would choose my child over all else ~ unless I absolutely had no work and had to face destitution.
A 14 year old son needs good parenting more than ever and, yes, you will miss out on so much in high school. First varsity letter, prom, girlfriend, band concert . . whatever . . . those are things that I personally would not give up.
They say that older kids actually need you more than when they were younger, they just don't let you know how much they need you. I couldn't do it, but if you will be in dire straits if you don't make the move then you have to weigh the pros and cons. If moving will give you a few bucks more than you need to rethink it. Your son may not mind your small apartment.
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