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There is an interesting-sounding documentary that is going to air this Sunday (11/27) on OWN called "Extreme Parenting". It compares "Tiger Parents" and loose parents --- parents who have their kids totally structured, in school all year, lessons, etc and parents who "unschool" and are looser with rules and have no structure.
Looking forward to watching this! Lisa Ling has been putting out some great documentaries on OWN.
Will watch this show, curious how extremely controlled kids handle life on their own later when their mom is out of the picture, unless she is still in it, controlling the rest of their lives. lol
Should be a interesting show.
I worked with a little girl who had an "extreme parent". This little girl took piano, violin, dance, gymnastics, voice. The Mother demanded perfection in everything, and attacked me when her child did not get straight A's, and this was in Elementary School.
I felt bad for the kid. And the Mother was a B#*ch. Dealing with her was beyond me. I declined working with her child again. That was fine, the Mom did not like me, and thought I was stupid because I was overweight. I am sure a thinner teacher met her "standards".
I worked with a little girl who had an "extreme parent". This little girl took piano, violin, dance, gymnastics, voice. The Mother demanded perfection in everything, and attacked me when her child did not get straight A's, and this was in Elementary School.
I felt bad for the kid. And the Mother was a B#*ch. Dealing with her was beyond me. I declined working with her child again. That was fine, the Mom did not like me, and thought I was stupid because I was overweight. I am sure a thinner teacher met her "standards".
That seems to be the case with most of the ones I've encountered over the years. The grade is what they want, the out come, they don't seem to care if their child actually learns anything.
They also seem to try and control everyone, like the teacher, the father, the instructor, anyone within reach is in danger of being micro managed to fit the plan. I'm sure this show will shed some insight into that issue, you can't help but notice it.
Did she actually tell you what she thought of your weight? My goodness, talk about a control freak, that's a bit much. You seemed to handle it with more control than I could have. lol
The Mother was rail thin, always dressed fancy. Her daughter, age 8, also rail thin, she was not eating candy or treats at a class party, and I asked her if she was okay, she told me she was not allowed to eat candy or treats at school because she would get fat. And fat people were "stupid and lazy". Out of the mouths of babes. This poor baby was afraid to eat a cookie at school. Talk about control. Geez, this little girl was immaculately dressed, not a hair out of place, I felt like she was really mistreated. She was always stressed. I mean, when you are stressed at age 8? There is a major problem. Poor kid.
That seems to be the case with most of the ones I've encountered over the years. The grade is what they want, the out come, they don't seem to care if their child actually learns anything.
They also seem to try and control everyone, like the teacher, the father, the instructor, anyone within reach is in danger of being micro managed to fit the plan. I'm sure this show will shed some insight into that issue, you can't help but notice it.
Did she actually tell you what she thought of your weight? My goodness, talk about a control freak, that's a bit much. You seemed to handle it with more control than I could have. lol
Stepford children.
The parents don't want the child as the child truly is, they want a child that is created to a certain perfect model.
If the child gets a C grade, then the child must be hustled off to a psychologist and given a diagnosis and a drug. If the child is messy or active, same thing.
My initial reaction when I read this topic was one of shock horror. Parsnts who completely fill their kids lives. Parents who demand perfection from their kids. Parents who demand perfection from their kids teachers.
Then I figured "hey actually I / we are extreme parents" It is not a term I have associated myself with but upon reflection I am one.
Actually I think that in today's world of what basically appears to me to be non parenting, pretty much any thing else is going to be seen as extreme parenting. In fact I would say that now more than ever, the general sociatal pressure is on being a hands off, non parent because as soon as one tries to parent in any deliberate way, there is someone there to tell you that you are doing it wrong, or that you are impinging on the kids rights, or you are too demanding or abusive. Then when it gets into the media, well that's a whole other story.
So to be a parent today one has to really be determined. One has to think and be clear about ones goals and objectives. Actually that is one of the reasons I participate here at city data is to get an idea of how others think and parent. What things people and do and why and what results they get. I have deliberately tried not to enforce my views on others or tried to convince anyone to take up my style and I have certainly tried not to express negative judgement of others in their styles although I suspect even the comments I have made could be interpreted as that.
OK so let me tell you a little about my extreme parenting.
Now in the OP, the extreme parenting style mentioned was one in which the parent totally fills the child's life with organised structured activity and pushes the child and their teachers to obtain perfection in the child. I am a bit different to that. We are different to that. I say we because both my wife and I parent our kids. We know just how important it is to be united and consistent.
We do not fill our kids lives full of structured activities so in that regard we are not extreme. Actually we feel children need some structured activities like school and some music and some sport. They like adults need un structured time. And time to reflect, meditate, pray. So we structure that. We make sure that their lives are not so full and we also make sure that they do take time just to do nothing. To sit silently, think, pray, reflect, meditate. That in it's self is extreme. No TV, no reading, no running around, no talking, phones off, computers off, music off for an hour each week. (usually Sunday but the time does get moved around and sometimes becomes fifteen minutes each night durng the week before bed). Sometimes we will drive as a family to quiet place and have this time we individually have this quiet time and then have a picnic or a BBQ. - Extreme? Certainly not common or heaven forbid 'normal' but gee it's refreshing. We also give them hands off time. Time to veg out in front of TV or computer or to go over to a friends house or to drop into a friends house on the way home from school.
We demand and obtain respect and obedience from our children. They know anything other than immediate and cheerful compliance means punishment and punishment means the paddle. (please be careful here, lets not turn this into another debate on physical punishment - start a new thread if you want to do that). But certainly the kids can't roll their eyes or go slow or winge "oh daaaad do I haaave tooooo....."
We limit their choices and we require them to ask permission. I know that these days it is the common view that kids should be able select for themselves from an infinite array of choices in every area of life. We deliberately restrict those choices. That is not to say that they do not get to make choices or to voice an opinion but they also learn that they must accept decisions made for them or wait to be asked. So for example, we might ask them what they would like for dinner and they say for example "spagetti bologanise" or on another occasion dinner may be meat and vegies and we will just serve a bit of everything up for everyone. There is no serving no carrots to one child and no peas to another child because they don't like them. On the other hand they are allowed to put anything they do not like quietly to the side of the plate.
We do believe that we should be proud of our gender and that there are differences between boys and girls and that they have different roles in a family. So we dress in gender identifiable clothes. Girls wear dresses, boys wear pants. We teach children respect for each other and for adults. Boys learn to lead and to provide and to protect and respect. Girls learn to accept, support and submit. We do not allow girls to engage in rough wresling compeditive play and certainly not a game of tackle football with boys. That is actually because boys must learn not to be rough with girls not because there is some fear that the girls are somehow fragile and might get hurt.
An early poster mentioned food. We deliberatly restrict our food. Actually in today's society where again the norm is to over eat, I suspect any restriction gets labelled as dieting and thats o so bad when it comes to kids. Well we eat a healthy diet and we eat small meals. The norm is that at the end of the meal one is still hungry but you get used to the feeling. We are skinny and healthy. Our kids would be those kids who when you offer them a cookie would accept one but only one because they know that except when we have given them permission (which does happen usually for special occasions and parties) that they can only have one piece of junk.
We also dress them in what would normally be considered quite skimpy sporty type clothes. They grow up knowing that their body is beautiful. God made it. Others see it. Thqat is not to say that they do not wear longer modest clothing for church, theatre and so on but for general play or around the house it is sports shorts(boys) or skirts (girls).
I have probably said enough to get myself crucified here but anyway that's our extreme parenting....
We demand and obtain respect and obedience from our children. They know anything other than immediate and cheerful compliance means punishment and punishment means the paddle. (please be careful here, lets not turn this into another debate on physical punishment - start a new thread if you want to do that). But certainly the kids can't roll their eyes or go slow or winge "oh daaaad do I haaave tooooo....."
How do you define respect? Keeping quiet out of fear of being punished and paddled? Respect is earned, not demanded. You can demand obedience, but not respect.
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