Selective mutism? (out of control, games, parents, girls)

[cbreeze22]

My 4yo son is a talker. Incessantly, daily, nightly, to the old, young, male, female, sleeping, awake, in stores, malls, hospitals, schools, ball games, museums, movies.... you get the idea.

The other day his preK teacher asked me if he talked at home. I looked at her stunned, and answered yes, all the time, with everyone, everywhere. She said, "Oh, OK, so he does talk." Now I was really perplexed, and she let me know that he doesn't say a word in class. He nods and points answers when she asks him something (and apparently this holds true for the full-time assistant in the classroom also). He doesn't interact with the other kids in class or on the playground, but plays (talkatively) by himself. They seem to think he needs time to adjust to the classroom (not his first school experience, and it's been over 3 months of going 4 days a week) and needs to be in activities/more interaction with kids (he plays soccer and baseball, has regular play dates with boys and girls around his age, and sees cousins 2-3 years older and 1-2 years younger frequently).

In the parking lot going into and out of school, and even in the hallways of the school and in the morning room before school he is his normal self, talking to the kids in his class and in others, their parents, everyone. Virtually no one that's ever seen him since he could talk at all has seen him silent.

I know this is a recent problem because about a month ago I asked his teacher if his speech clarity was on par with the other boys in the class (a class of 90% boys). She expressed having the same concerns about his enunciation and agreed with my suggestion of the local public school system's speech therapy program.

He has become reserved once around an aunt who yelled at her own son while my son was there. It took him a few weeks to get comfortable again. Given that, I told his teacher that I didn't want to blame her, but asked if he'd been disciplined or spoken firmly to. She was as floored by this question as I was by hers, saying "That would really be something, if I ever had to say anything like that to him." Apparently he's a silent angel at school.

He started this year giving both teachers huge hugs, being ecstatic to go, and eagerly showing me his work after each day. He says nothing is wrong, he's not scared, he likes the kids, he says they like him... I don't know what the issue is. I'm ready to pull him out of the school for fear that he's developing a negative view of school because of whatever is causing his silence.

Sorry so long.

Is this what selective mutism is? Anyone been through this or have any suggestions? I so want him to be his normal, happy self at school, and he probably won't like changing schools.
Help?

[AnnaNomus]

You mentioned that it took your son weeks to get over his aunt yelling at her own child, not him. And the teacher said that she has never raised her voice to him. But it is possible, and probably likely, that she has raised her voice to other children in the classroom, and maybe your son is reacting to that. By being absolutely quiet, he never has to worry about her speaking to him like that.

Is there any way you can observe his class and just watch what goes on and how the teacher speaks and behaves towards other kids in the class? Because it sounds like to me, if your son is his regular self with every other person and in every other place EXCEPT his classroom, even in the parking lot and on his way to class, the problem must be IN the classroom.

He sounds like a very emotional child to be so affected by a relative yelling at another child. Either that was some serious out of control screaming going on, or he is extremely sensitive. Maybe you can make his teachers aware of this so that they can take care how they act and speak not just to him, but all his classmates.

[gramirez2012]

He may just be shy or have mild social anxiety.

[golfgal]

Ok, first, not every little thing a kid does needs to have a "diagnosis". Kids act differently in school then they do at home, period. I think parents would be very surprised at how different their children are at school.

At our first parent/teacher conference for our daughter when she was in kindergarten her teacher had the same concern, she didn't talk in school. This is the same girl where we would sometimes have to set a timer at home and tell her she couldn't talk until it went off, the same girl that talked NON-STOP on a 3 hour car ride. We came home from that conference, told her she needs to talk more in school, hasn't been a problem since. She is now a junior in high school and does just fine--and still talks your ear off at home. Some kids are just shy in school. I would not worry about it at all.

[nana053]

Does he talk at circle time? Does he talk to the kids when he is playing at school?

I had a little girl in my preK class who had selective mutism because she was afraid the other children would make fun or her accent (She was from Sweden and spoke English well, but was aware that her accent was very different from that of her classmates). She did not speak at all at the beginning of the year and then began to speak only to one little girlfriend toward the middle of the year. By the end of the year she was speaking up, but she still was doing it very quietly. When she left, the parents were being reassigned to Brazil. I heard from them that she was doing fine in her new school with another new language, so it resolved itself with kind treatment here and with help from her parents.

I had another little one in PreK in a different year who also had selective mutism. She would only talk to one particular teacher and then only one on one. She was a harder case and was still very much mute though she had begun to talk to a few of the other kids.

[AONE]

I wonder if you taking the time to attend a class with him might keep him in the talkative mode. It would be hard for him to change if you are present. maybe he needs a jump start. When the teacher asks him questions she should turn to the board so she can't see his response and force him to be audible... make herself conveniently busy and force it out of him.

Somewhere he has made a negative association.. That doesn't mean he needs therapy or speech classes. or other nonsense. He just needs to be reached and the unusual anxiety overcome.

[woodworkingmenace]

My Daughter stuck to the preK teachers like glue, and would whisper what she wanted, because she was bashful around the other students. (She had gone through many surgeries and was very self concious about them), so, as the years went by, she got more friends and now we cant keep her home, cause she is out with this or that one...

Kids have a way of working things out, even with out our interference...

I wish you well...

Jesse

[20yrsinBranson]

I would think this would be an extraordinarily good thing since, you cannot listen and talk at the same thing and you cannot learn something if you are always babbling.

Maybe he is interested enough in what is going on to be quiet and listen.

I'd leave well enough alone, if it were me.

20yrsinBranson

[hml1976]

My mom was a preschool teacher and had a little boy in her class once with selective mutism. His mother actually tape recorded (this was 25yrs ago) him talking at home because my mom was worried that he really couldn't speak.

Anyway, my sister became friends with him later in elementary school. He remained quiet always at school (although he did start to speak selectively) but was a good student. They are in touch via Facebook now as 30-somethings, he's a successful geologist.

[CharlotteGal]

I'd think if he's overall happy, and not resistant about going to school, there's nothing to worry about. If he says there's nothing wrong, then believe what he says - he's dealing with things in a way that works for him.