What do you think of a parent who does this ? (orphan, babysitter)
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I have no opinion of the mother, but you and your sister sound like busy bodies.
So totally not the case but thanks for your opinion of us when you dont know us . my sister has been working with this girl for yrs and she saw a pattern and she asked me about it and I gave her my opinion of it .
phonelady61....I was taught you "never look a gift horse in the mouth"......Personally I think what this woman is doing is very wrong, and unfair to the recipients as well as the giver....I also don't think it's right to ask the givers(of these gifts) to instead put money into an account...unless they ask to....it's very disheartening to GIVE something to someone and then be told you should have given "this" instead.......the way I look at it...a gift is a gift...there should be NO strings attached.
My sister works with a gal who takes gifts that her kids receive from relatives back to the store to get a money refund and buys more pratical things for them like underwear and socks .
I'm actually half-relieved she's buying something practical. I know someone (and this woman is wealthy) who returns presents to buy something she considers better. Someone buys her child a sweater from Penny's she returns it to buy a sweater from Saks. And I discovered everyone in her circle of friends does this.
phonelady61....I was taught you "never look a gift horse in the mouth"......Personally I think what this woman is doing is very wrong, and unfair to the recipients as well as the giver....I also don't think it's right to ask the givers(of these gifts) to instead put money into an account...unless they ask to....it's very disheartening to GIVE something to someone and then be told you should have given "this" instead.......the way I look at it...a gift is a gift...there should be NO strings attached.
I agree with you Purehuman but it this situation it does not seem to be the case. The woman is returning the stuff and getting her children clothing, underwear, and what nots. To an outsider looking in, she may seem desperate to make sure her kids have a warm coat, new underwear or what not because of her financial situation.
If Phonelady wrote that the woman returned all the gifts to buy herself a Louis Vuitton handbag and a pair of Manolo Blahniks then I can see reasoning in thinking that this woman is selfish and heartless. But we do not know all the fine details to it all and sometimes parents have to make decisions that are extremely hard, at times heartbreaking.
When my parents divorced, my mother was making a good salary and not receiving child support. But her salary wasn't enough to cover four childrens expenses, medical bills, tax debts. One year she had me sell a gold necklace that was given to me by my father just to put food on the table. Her friends and co-workers did not know the all the details of our lives and assumed that everything was fine. It was only until Christmas came and a co-worker who became a good friend found out how difficult our circumstances were. She asked my mother what we would like for Christmas and she just said clothes. We got brand new clothes for Christmas and for that I was grateful.
Each situation, scenerio and life experience is different, who are we to judge this woman who may just be experiencing difficulties and may just find it hard to explain her circumstances to her relatives?
I'm actually half-relieved she's buying something practical. I know someone (and this woman is wealthy) who returns presents to buy something she considers better. Someone buys her child a sweater from Penny's she returns it to buy a sweater from Saks. And I discovered everyone in her circle of friends does this.
You can't buy class.
^^^^^^^ And then there is this! I know someone who does that! Err so frustrating! OMG we must have the same 'acquaintance' Dew! For her wedding someone bought her a particular semi-high end mixing bowl and she returned it to get the high end one! For her baby shower she wanted Petit Tresor and God forbid you bought something from Target! She could not return the Target stuff and got a store credit on one of their gift cards only to sell it on Craigslist! People are freaking unbelievable.....
Yes TheOriginalMrsX...I agree that circumstances play a great part in this....but the OP did say that the woman makes a good paycheck, and does not need to do this!.....You're right though when you say that we really should not judge this woman as we really don't know her situation...I've always believed "judge not lest ye be judged".....my response was geared more to this woman NOT experiencing any financial hardship.
I think I understand how the person probably feels. I get irritated at huge amount of toys my in-laws buy for our kids. I would like to be more in control of what they get. But I think it is one of those things I have to let go of. I think it is rude to look a gift horse in the mouth. So even though I may want to, I don't.
Yes TheOriginalMrsX...I agree that circumstances play a great part in this....but the OP did say that the woman makes a good paycheck, and does not need to do this!
A "good paycheck" is different things to different people. Her paycheck may seem good until you look at her individual finances and it might not suddenly seem so great. There are people stretched to the limit on $200k salaries and there are people who are quite well off on $50k salaries. Without knowing the entire situation, I wouldn't pass judgement here based on the perception of her salary alone.
I think it all comes down to reason and intent:
If she is doing this because she wants to have extra money to spend on herself, then I think she is wrong.
If she is doing this because it is the only way she can afford to buy necessities for her kids, then I don't think she is necessarily wrong, but should probably swallow her pride a bit and admit that the kids could use some essentials more than toys and have those given directly as a gift.
My wife and I have never taken gifts our kids have been given and exchanged them for anything unless it was clothes that were in the wrong size or someone bought X, but the kids really wanted Y and there was a mistake. Either way, the gift is theirs.
We have told our immediate family when we could use essentials more than presents and/or would prefer a contribution to the kids savings accounts over additional gifts. Both sets of grandparents are generous, but we don't always see the point in them spending $500+ on each kid at Christmas to buy them a boat load of toys. Get a couple toys they really want, throw in some clothes they need and put the rest into their savings accounts if you are so inclined works much better than piles of plastic they probably won't play with.
A "good paycheck" is different things to different people. Her paycheck may seem good until you look at her individual finances and it might not suddenly seem so great. There are people stretched to the limit on $200k salaries and there are people who are quite well off on $50k salaries. Without knowing the entire situation, I wouldn't pass judgement here based on the perception of her salary alone.
I think it all comes down to reason and intent:
If she is doing this because she wants to have extra money to spend on herself, then I think she is wrong.
If she is doing this because it is the only way she can afford to buy necessities for her kids, then I don't think she is necessarily wrong, but should probably swallow her pride a bit and admit that the kids could use some essentials more than toys and have those given directly as a gift.
My wife and I have never taken gifts our kids have been given and exchanged them for anything unless it was clothes that were in the wrong size or someone bought X, but the kids really wanted Y and there was a mistake. Either way, the gift is theirs.
We have told our immediate family when we could use essentials more than presents and/or would prefer a contribution to the kids savings accounts over additional gifts. Both sets of grandparents are generous, but we don't always see the point in them spending $500+ on each kid at Christmas to buy them a boat load of toys. Get a couple toys they really want, throw in some clothes they need and put the rest into their savings accounts if you are so inclined works much better than piles of plastic they probably won't play with.
If she is doing this because she wants to have extra money to spend on herself, then I think she is wrong.
If she is doing this because it is the only way she can afford to buy necessities for her kids, then I don't think she is necessarily wrong, but should probably swallow her pride a bit and admit that the kids could use some essentials more than toys and have those given directly as a gift.
Agreed. My first thought was being reminded of Miss Hannigan from the book Annie, which was based on the movie. (I did not follow the cartoon strip.) Every Christmas, the orphans were given piles of presents from wealthy philanthropists, and Miss Hannigan would wrap them all back up and return them to the department store, spending the money on gin and lavaliers. Floozy!
In the real world, though, I would not presume to know what somebody spends her money on. I don't discuss finances with people at work either, but that's me.
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