Why buy them everything? (method, teenager, support, chores)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.
- Socrates
Yep, the world has been going to hell in a handbasket for a long time <g>
I was an only child...My parents told me that it would be easy to spoil me since I was the "only one." But they made a decision to raise me in a "down-to-earth" kind of way so I wouldn't expect the "sun and the stars and the moon and everything under the sun" at Christmas or on my birthday etc...They didn't want me to become a whiny and demanding "spoiled brat." And they didn't want me to become "lost" in materialism etc...My parents didn't rush out and buy all of the latest products that came out on the market. They didn't believe in replacing items that still worked good. (Unless there was a practical reason to replace something.)...Today I enjoy "bonding" with the things I buy. Newer and more technologically advanced products keep coming out on the market all the time but I don't feel tempted to rush right out and buy everything. I wait until I have a darn good reason to replace what I have or buy something new.
I ran into some culture-clashes with my MIL when my kids were small. My MIL loved to "buy out toy stores" at Christmas. And my kids had boxes and boxes of gifts to open under her tree...I didn't enjoy watching my kids turn into "wild animals" as they opened box after box without stopping to really look at what was in each box or say "thank you." It was the total opposite of the way I was raised and it disturbed me. I insisted that my kids "catch their breath" and take time to appreciate every little thing without rushing right on to the next box etc...I don't like it when kids aren't taught to say "thank you." It seems like kids basically only say "thank you" for the big and trendy gifts and discount small items. I've seen this happen over and over again at birthday parties. It's sad. And it doesn't "speak well" of the parents.
No your right, these days the cars sell for $100 more when they are second hand. And out here in the country the cars are well use and not replaced every year.
Wait till they leave home and go to college, that'll change. LOL
Try at least $1K or more.
Here, cars are well taken care of and well used, not replaced every year either.
The list of over generalization in this post is impressive.
First, no one should put their family in financial danger to buy things for their children. I guess that is a bit of a no-brainer.
Second, "everything" is subjective. My daughter has had an iphone since she was 13 but will likely not be getting a car. Some people think the car is a necessity and the phone the luxury.
Additionally, I never allowed my daughter to work. It was a deliberate financial choice and completely paid off in the end. Her "job" was school and the other parts of her education. She needed to get scholarships in order to go to college and she needed her grades to be as high as possible. She did.
Finally, it is completely possible to raise a respectful child without making them work outside the home for their own money or by not buying them things you can afford.
Yep. I second this post wholeheartedly. Two of my cousins did not hold jobs in high school. Their parents made it clear that their job was school. Both cousins have received scholarships to private universities that will cover about 85% of the costs of their entire post secondary education.
Sometimes extra cars are needed so parents don't have to drive their kids everywhere and feel like a 24/7 cab-driver..It would be different if everything was within walking distance and not so "spread out." Some kids are involved in lots of extra-curricular activities...One of my relatives (and her husband) have been super over-protective with their 3 kids. Up until a few months ago they still insisted on driving their 20 year old daughter to her college classes and their sons in high school weren't allowed to drive either...Now they finally let their daughter and 18 year old son drive their cars once in awhile. But the kids have to text and call home all the time. They are on a very "short leash."....My kids had "used cars" and they were responsible drivers. It would have been hard for me to drive them everywhere myself as they got older.
I look around me and listen to my friends as they talk about buying everything for their kids, ie, cars, tv's, atv's and the list goes on, even the adult ones (18+) are catered too at will.
So, the question is, "Why buy everything for them"? Your not teaching them a thing about responsibility, doing for themselves, or working hard for what you want and need. All your teaching them is, that mom and dad are the bank that's open 24/7. And when the bank finally closes its doors, they (the pampered ones) retaliate in all kinds of ways. Especially as a graduation present semms to me as a dumb idea, they're not finacially ready to take on such a big responsibilty without your money backing them 110% on the time.
Even when I was in high school I bought a $50 special car, my own gas, insurance and paid for all of it's Many up-keeps, but mom and dad still had control over how I used it. And if I screwed up, they took the keys away, even though I paid for it myself. And to this day I'm still glad that they maintained that control as a responsible parent.
But today I see parents going into debt buying their kids brand new cars and paying for all the rest as well. Then they sit there complaining that the kids aren't showing any respect for it, misuseing and abuseing it and that they still want more.
Setting themselves up for failure and complaining about it all the time.
I agree with you. I was raised the same way. If I wanted something, it wasn't just handed to me, I had to earn it. If that meant doing extra chores around the house, that's what I did to get it.
We did get an allowance and we learned to save up for what we wanted to do each weekend.
For example, (we were given $5 a week for allowance, that we EARNED from weekly chores), if I wanted to go to the movies and the dance one weekend, I would either have to skip one or I would have to skip all one entire weekend. My parents would not just *give* me the money to do both. My "pay" was from my chores and it was up to me to learn how to budget that pay to do what I wanted.
It taught me how to budget, it taught me that some things are better than others and worth it while other things are just wants and it taught me how to save up for something major. It also taught me how to work harder for what I wanted, (as I said, extra chores if I wanted something major), and I knew that no matter what, they were not giving in just because I wanted something.
"You want it? You earn it. Here's a list of chores you can do to earn it as well as save up your allowance for a few weeks. You want that album? Decide if you want the album more or to go to the movies this weekend because it's not going to be both."
I was also taught that it's better to get everything done right away so that when I did take a break or go to a friend's house or whatever, I didn't have that thought of, "when I get home I have to do this, that and the other" because it was already done. My dad explained it to me one day that made perfect sense and I really WAS able to enjoy my time doing what I liked a whole lot more knowing what I had to do was already done.
This work ethic I carried in to my adult life and that is how I roll, now. I get things done first and THEN I play...so that when I "play", I don't have any lists or chores hanging over me taking even the tiniest bit of joy away from what I'm doing.
I see far too many kids who are spoiled and get whatever they want, NOT because they earned it with good grades, just because they threw a fit and the parents caved or they just demanded it and the parents caved. The thing is, those kids don't tend to truly appreciate what they have and yes, they always want the next best thing.
It's one thing to buy a kid a car because they got straight As in school and are always home on time, never getting in to trouble, are just awesome kids...sure, reward them! Heck yah! It's another to give in to every screaming fit a kid throws because you aren't teaching them anything worthwhile.
And then they grow up to be adults and whine and carry on that they don't get everything handed to them anymore. When they're kids...all I can do is shake my head. But when they become adults? I just laugh at them.
"Welcome to the real world! Sorry you weren't raised right but out here, you're not "special" and "unique". You're just like the rest of us. Now get to work!"
The list of over generalization in this post is impressive.
First, no one should put their family in financial danger to buy things for their children. I guess that is a bit of a no-brainer.
Second, "everything" is subjective. My daughter has had an iphone since she was 13 but will likely not be getting a car. Some people think the car is a necessity and the phone the luxury.
Additionally, I never allowed my daughter to work. It was a deliberate financial choice and completely paid off in the end. Her "job" was school and the other parts of her education. She needed to get scholarships in order to go to college and she needed her grades to be as high as possible. She did.
Finally, it is completely possible to raise a respectful child without making them work outside the home for their own money or by not buying them things you can afford.
I agree...Everything is "subjective." (And not totally "black or white.") It's good to remember this!....My parents were totally against me working when I was in my teens too. But I decided that I wanted to work in our local library when I was 15 1/2...I always loved spending time in the library because I loved to read and write! Working at the library seemed like a "dream come true" for me. In the end I was able to convince my parents to let me work at the library and I did great.
That's not the norm among the families I know. That said, a relative of mine once said that if a parent had the money and could easily do it, that there was an obligation to buy the kid a car; that's as far away from my belief system as one can get, but thinking about that I think that, in some cases, he may be right. I have always lived in areas where kids can get around using their feet, bikes, and public transportation; parents who willingly move their families to places where their kids are isolated without wheels probably do have more responsibility to help their kids have some measure of independence, whether that's giving them access to a family car or even buying them one.
On the jobs issue, I think all teenagers should hold a job at some point, even if it's only in the summer. I think that's just as important to becoming a well-rounded adult as is school or other activities. I think kids can grow up to be fine adults without that experience, but I think parents who do not "allow" their kids to work are unnecessarily holding them back.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
