Found condoms in dd-14 room (method, teenager, baby, play)
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I have found this forum, the parenting one, to be filled with the most judgmental and harshly dealt advise. You came on here with a worry, and tossed some ideas around, and pretty much everyone jumped on YOUR case: from disagreeing about your daughter's ap math status to dissing your disappointment with how schools handle sex Ed. I only saw a handful of helpful, kindly delivered advise.
I wonder why the "parents" on this forum are so quick to spread their mean spirited "advice"??? Me personally, I tend to listen more when someone approaches me with some diplomacy, compassion, etc.
I came on here looking for some advice and feedback about problems with my adult stepdaughter, and many people treated me the same way. Heck you could have been one of them, I didnt keep track of it, but it simply amazes me, the negative vibes here. (and it is easy to get sucked into it and start dishing it back out, as I'm sure I have done--regrettably )
I haven't seen that at all.
Marylee came here asking for advice. She has received some great advice. It doesn't always come wrapped in a pretty package.
Marylee, just to add a word of caution, "Oh, I got these from a friend" is a pretty common teenage excuse. I'm not saying your daughter is having sex; she might just be curious and interested in how condoms look and work. I just remember using that same excuse a few times to hide things from my parents. Planned Parenthood called my house when I was 16 to confirm an appointment. "Oh, that's not for ME. That was probably some kind of prank."
You might take this opportunity to ask your daughter if she has questions about the condoms. She kept them for a reason.
It does provide an opportunity to further discuss sex, etc----its not like we never approached the subject before.Both my kids know "where babies come from", perhaps now is a time to discuss birth control, and how condoms are not 100% effective.
Ohmygoodness! You waited until you found condoms before it occurred to you to teach her about birth control?!?!?!
This is the perfect example of why sex ed needs to be taught at school.
Marylee came here asking for advice. She has received some great advice. It doesn't always come wrapped in a pretty package.
Completely agree! No one is being mean spirited to Marylee and most of us are quite familiar with her posts and her relationship with her children.
This thread has been tame so far and in Marylee's case the best thing she should do is not overreact, thank God that her daughter's school (if they are giving out condoms) gave her condoms or even if the daughter sourced them herself got them, and pray a teen pregnancy doesn't result from it.
As Anonchick and Hopes are right on the money about the length of time Marylee waited to speak to her daughter about sex. Even now she has a chance to talk to her without 'ruining' the relationship they have.
And if you want to have a debate about whether or not schools and the media are to blame for the oversexualization of our children then take it to the POC forum.
Ohmygoodness! You waited until you found condoms before it occurred to you to teach her about birth control?!?!?!
This is the perfect example of why sex ed needs to be taught at school.
EXACTLY. And that is exactly why I posted my last post, which Marylee finds it so incredibly difficult to fathom. She says, herself, that she thinks it -might- be a good time for her to discuss birth control with her daughter. Her 14 year old daughter who already knows about the birds and the bees, but - apparently - never learned -from her own family- about birth control...
So of COURSE she's going to learn it somewhere else. She probably has known about it for a couple of years by now, despite her mom's not being the one to tell her about it. Criticizing the school (which she did) for teaching birth control info to students (which it turns out they didn't), and then criticizing me for pointing out that she should've been the one to teach her own child, so she'd have no reason to criticize the school for doing it - is just backpeddling and justifying the evasion of responsibility to teach your own children before "needing" to know is too late.
Schools teach this stuff because parents don't, and SOMEONE needs to do it. It's that simple.
I have no problem with sex ed in school; my daughter and I have been talking about the birds and the bees for many years now, including discussions about disease, pregnancy, reputation, birth control, etc. But I do think that when to teach that stuff is a decision that belongs to the parents. That's why schools give parents the chance to opt out. If a parent thinks that the discussion needs to wait, then that's what should happen.
We say all the time that each family is different and parents do what they think is best. If Marylee thinks her way is best for her family, then I think we should respect that. It may not work for other people's families, and it may not work for her family either, but it's her decision. "Someone's got to teach her" ... well, no. The school does not trump the parent.
EXACTLY. And that is exactly why I posted my last post, which Marylee finds it so incredibly difficult to fathom. She says, herself, that she thinks it -might- be a good time for her to discuss birth control with her daughter. Her 14 year old daughter who already knows about the birds and the bees, but - apparently - never learned -from her own family- about birth control...
So of COURSE she's going to learn it somewhere else. She probably has known about it for a couple of years by now, despite her mom's not being the one to tell her about it. Criticizing the school (which she did) for teaching birth control info to students (which it turns out they didn't), and then criticizing me for pointing out that she should've been the one to teach her own child, so she'd have no reason to criticize the school for doing it - is just backpeddling and justifying the evasion of responsibility to teach your own children before "needing" to know is too late.
Schools teach this stuff because parents don't, and SOMEONE needs to do it. It's that simple.
Preach it ANON! My sister got pregnant at 16, the mousy quiet one who every one thought she would wear virginal white on her wedding day!
My sister is 32 years of age and has 5 children, 3 who are of age and 1 who is a girl.
Do you know who provides the sex education for the teen girl and two boys besides school?
I DO!
Why because my sister has this idea in her head that oooooh her kids won't have sex before they leave school or fathom the thought of having unprotected sex. She doesn't like discussing it with them and feels they will learn better from friends and school.
Yeah right and over my dead body. I helped raised those kids by putting off college so she could finish highschool and I am not about to do it all over again by helping her raise grandkids.
I have no problem with sex ed in school; my daughter and I have been talking about the birds and the bees for many years now, including discussions about disease, pregnancy, reputation, birth control, etc. But I do think that when to teach that stuff is a decision that belongs to the parents. That's why schools give parents the chance to opt out. If a parent thinks that the discussion needs to wait, then that's what should happen.
We say all the time that each family is different and parents do what they think is best. If Marylee thinks her way is best for her family, then I think we should respect that. It may not work for other people's families, and it may not work for her family either, but it's her decision. "Someone's got to teach her" ... well, no. The school does not trump the parent.
If she thought it worked best for her family, then she wouldn't have been surprised to see her DD with a bunch of condoms. Or, possibly, her daughter would not have -had- a bunch of condoms at all. Obviously what she's doing, isn't what's best for her family, because she is here telling us about something that she feels was -not- best for her family, that occurred to her family, as a result of her -not- doing what was best for her family. Her DD supposedly got this from a friend. Her DD did not feel it appropriate to bring the topic up with her own mother, and her mother had not, until this point, mentioned the topic to her own daughter. Her daughter found this out from someone else. Which - is not "what is best" for Marylee's family, according to Marylee.
So - no. What is best for Marylee's family, isn't best, because if it was best, there would have been no thread here at all, because the issue would have not existed.
We say all the time that each family is different and parents do what they think is best. If Marylee thinks her way is best for her family, then I think we should respect that. It may not work for other people's families, and it may not work for her family either, but it's her decision. "Someone's got to teach her" ... well, no. The school does not trump the parent.
True. But she's posting on an public forum, ranting about the schools and sex ed, when her daughter is getting condoms before she bothered teaching her about them herself. That's noteworthy, especially considering her daughter is 14, old for not being taught about contraceptives. If she didn't want to hear conflicting opinions, she wouldnt' have posted here. It's not like this is her first experience posting here.
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I helped raised those kids by putting off college so she could finish highschool and I am not about to do it all over again by helping her raise grandkids.
