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i dont know what i did on my 12th birthday either, but i do know that i didnt go to bed hungry, my clothes were clean, i had my own bed with clean sheets, hot/cold running water, 4 walls, a roof, and 2 parents that cared enough to give them to me.
I was using the 12th as an example. I really don't remember what I did on any birthday. Yes the clothed, fed and gave me a roof over my head, but that doesn't excuse the abuse I or my sibling suffered. Our childhood was stolen from us because of the abuse and I have been able to forgive my Mom but I won't forget.
i dont know what i did on my 12th birthday either, but i do know that i didnt go to bed hungry, my clothes were clean, i had my own bed with clean sheets, hot/cold running water, 4 walls, a roof, and 2 parents that cared enough to give them to me.
You didn't ask your parents to conceive a baby and for your mom to give birth to you. The things you mentioned above are what they were so supposed to do. Those are not things for you to be grateful for. That is what people do when they have children. However what children should be grateful for is the patience, warmth and kindness in their households. They should appreciate when their parents play dolls or catch with them when they have work to do instead. Children grow up a lot less screwed up when they are treated with dignity and respect. They do the right thing when parents model appropriate behavior rather than threaten to beat them if they do the wrong thing. Parents who hit their kids raise kids who do the wrong thing behind their backs. Hit kids get good at being sneaky. So, to sum it up, I feel bad for you that you are grateful for the roof over your head. That should be a given.
How's this for parenting? My wife just calls me up to tell me that after her ex husband telling her he didnt have enough money to bring the kids down from PA to visit (he hasnt in almost 2 years) that their 16 yr old daughter just posted on facebook that her dad bought her a new android phone and an almost $100 pair of sunglasses and shes currently in NJ with 3 of her friends (no adult supervision). The dad's excuse "Duhhhhh i cant tell her what to do". Well, um why not?
Have you considred the fact that the 16 year old may simply not want to be with you or your wife? Sounds to me like dad is making excuses for the kids so they don't have to visit.
There seems to be a "kinder gentler" parenting philosophy these days. A lot of parents are raising their kids the way they wanted to be raised when they themselves were kids (I didnt like having a bedtime so i wont give one to my kids, i didnt like having to ask permission so i wont require it of my kids, i didnt like having to clean my room so i wont make my kids do it, etc etc etc). Now some people think "My parents didnt love me because they never hugged me". Well, did they put a roof over your head? Did they feed you? Did they encourage you to do better in school? Did they put restrictions on you for your own good? Did they keep you from hanging out with the wrong crowd? Doing stuff like that is what makes a good parent, not how many hugs you give. I know this doesnt have any direct bearing on the question or discussion at hand but I thought it important to say.
Raising kids is about a lot more than providing the necessities. If parents don't do what you listed, than they get in trouble. It's like skating by with C's in school. It's passing, you're doing what you have to, but you could do better.
There are a lot of things I disagree with about aspects of "modern" parenting. I think on an issue by issue basis we would find a lot to agree with. However, I do think it is better to rule with love than with fear. I'd rather my children have confidence that I am there for them regardless of what happens even when they disappoint me than have them fear the repercussions of disappointing me so much they won't come to me for advice and support.
Respect is a two-way street and fear does not equal respect, unless you want to apply twisted logic.
There seems to be a "kinder gentler" parenting philosophy these days. A lot of parents are raising their kids the way they wanted to be raised when they themselves were kids (I didnt like having a bedtime so i wont give one to my kids, i didnt like having to ask permission so i wont require it of my kids, i didnt like having to clean my room so i wont make my kids do it, etc etc etc). Now some people think "My parents didnt love me because they never hugged me". Well, did they put a roof over your head? Did they feed you? Did they encourage you to do better in school? Did they put restrictions on you for your own good? Did they keep you from hanging out with the wrong crowd? Doing stuff like that is what makes a good parent, not how many hugs you give. I know this doesnt have any direct bearing on the question or discussion at hand but I thought it important to say.
Yes and I would guess some abusive parents might try to make up for abuse with hugs.
Some people aren't overly touchy-feely, love can be expressed in various ways.
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