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A neighbor about a block away has two children, one in the early teen years and one that is about five or so and they love to come over to our house and play with our children. The mom is a single mom, so I get that she needs some "me" time, but we're having trouble getting the youngest one to go home once we've had enough of her. By this I mean after three or four hours of constantly picking up after her or keeping her from fighting with the other neighborhood kids.
I don't have any problems with the older girl, but when the younger comes over she destroys things. Kicks sand out of the sand box, breaks toys, throws balls out of the yard and into the street and is generally nasty to all the other kids. I had a talk with the mother a few months ago and asked her for a week or so break from the kid, that lasted about two hours. Then we compromised and asked that her youngest one only come over when there was an adult already out in the backyard with the kids because we're having so much trouble with her. That seemed to work for a week or two but then things went right back to square one. Sometimes I turn around and find this little one in the kitchen helping herself to a juicebox and cookies, or in the family room playing the wii and I didn't even hear her come in. We've taken to locking the doors at all times when we're home just so she doesn't sneak in. Sometimes she tries to get in and we all just freeze like it's aliens or something so she won't hear us
When I call the mom and ask her to come get her child I get a response that seems to indicate I'm the bad guy here, and her daughter should be allowed to play in our house and yard any time she wants because I let other neighborhood kids come over. I've explained that her daughter is a lot younger than the other kids, and a lot worse behaved. She gets a blank expression and says "Oh, well her older sister will watch her". That's not happening!!!!
Short of calling social services the next time we find the little girl in our den coloring on the wall, any suggestions? -- Mostly I just needed to rant, - - but serious suggestions would be appreciated
Part of me wants to just lock the gates and the doors and ignore her, but then 99% of me would be scared to death she would go roam the neighborhood and get hurt, or worse...
I once asked a neighborhood mom for hers sons social security number because I was gonna claim him on my taxes. She laughed but got the message.
I do not allow my kids to go into any neighbor's house unless they are invited, they them come ask me for permission and I give them 1 hour. They are not allowed to simply hang out in the neighbor's house. My kids are still pre teens and I am sure that will change once they get older, but for now it works well.
I do have other neighborhood kids who would simply move into our house and stay all summer if we let them.. argh!
You just have to set some rules up early for your kids and the neighborhood kids. x amount of time in the house then out you go....
You just have to set some rules up early for your kids and the neighborhood kids. x amount of time in the house then out you go....
Thanks, but I've done this. My own kids and the other neighborhood kids do fine and have rules similar to yours. My rule for this little girl is that she is not allowed to come over unless an adult brings her over and speaks to an adult here (me or DH), and an adult has to be at her home ready to get her at the end of the hour, or when she gets sent home for bad behavior, whichever comes first.
The problem is neither the kid nor her mom are following those rules. The little girl quite literally comes over (and in) uninvited. I have to stop whatever I'm doing to physically take the little girl by the hand back to her own home and place her in her mother's care, and half the time, by the time I walk the gaggle of kids back home (I don't want to leave six or eight neighborhood kids and my two home alone!), the little girl has already gone into her house, run out the back door, and is back in my yard (or in my house if I didn't lock the door).
1. I just don't understand how a parent can let a five year old run out and play without knowing where they are at all times, and
2. How the heck do I deal with this short of calling the police or social services.
I can just see how that police call would go "um, yes, there is a very dangerous five year old that won't stop playing in my backyard, send the SWAT team fast".... I'll be laughed off the phone.
In my experience I have found a lot of parents like this. They send their kids outside to bother everyone else because they don't want to deal.
What I would do is lock your doors and if the girl comes over tell her your kids can't play and she needs to go home. As far as being destructive, we had a "friend" that had a kid that would break things all of the time, sometimes by accident, but usually on purpose, I wrote it down with the replacement value and gave it to them. Needless to say, their kid hardly ever came over, lol. Try that, write up an invoice and bring it to her.
If you really don't want the girl over, just walk her back home, tell the mom she can come back and play when she learns to play nice and not break your kids' toys, then walk away and just keep doing it until the Mom gets the hint and keeps the girl home.
I have posted in several different threads and forums about how much I love the fact that our neighborhood kids play together. I will admit that it was tough at first. We were all exhausted. The kids were in and out of houses all day so no one really got a break from them because they were on a circuit. Every time you would think you had a few minutes, the door would open and your house would be filled with kids. 20 minutes later they would all leave and leave a huge mess behind. Just as you get the mess at least moved out of walkways, they would be back. It had to stop. I came up with rules that had to be followed in my house and yard.
I asked all of the neighborhood parents to come together for a meeting and bring with them rules that they would like followed. We all came together and came up with neighborhood rules. One of those is that there is no playing on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. This gave all of the families time to wind down, be together, homework to be done, etc. As new families come into the neighborhood, we tell them that we would love for their kids to play also, but that we have rules that must be followed. It works out much better than the free-for-all that was happening at first.
We are all also much more relaxed with the kids because all of us parents communicate and we know the rules. We know what little Suzie is allowed to do. We have the neighborhood punishment, but the parents may punish on top of that for any rule breakers. It works really well.
^^^ what a wonderful idea! We didn't have many issues with other kids, because the parents were all friends. I knew that my kids were as welcome at other dinner tables as their kids were at mine.
We only had to deal with one destructive child, and since we knew his father was crazy (a beater) we let a lot slide on his behalf.
In my experience I have found a lot of parents like this. They send their kids outside to bother everyone else because they don't want to deal.
What I would do is lock your doors and if the girl comes over tell her your kids can't play and she needs to go home. As far as being destructive, we had a "friend" that had a kid that would break things all of the time, sometimes by accident, but usually on purpose, I wrote it down with the replacement value and gave it to them. Needless to say, their kid hardly ever came over, lol. Try that, write up an invoice and bring it to her.
If you really don't want the girl over, just walk her back home, tell the mom she can come back and play when she learns to play nice and not break your kids' toys, then walk away and just keep doing it until the Mom gets the hint and keeps the girl home.
How about this. Call the Mother and tell her you have decided to keep a few kids in your house, you are charging $15 per hour- or any part thereof- and you need at least 1 day notice by phone to make an appointment. You are also wanting a $50 deposit to cover any damage done to your property.
And the next time the kid shows up - I guarantee this mom won't want to pay for childcare- return her immediately with written invoice for deposit and at least 1 hour of childcare. I'm sure she will get the hint. If this doesn't work then you have no recourse other than calling children's services. Also tell the mother that is what you are going to do.
I like no kudzo's idea. Better yet, notify her in writing via certified mail.
Tell the mother that you are charging babysitting fees for any children under X years old that are left at your house without an adult over the age of 18.
If the girl shows up after that, instead of taking the child home yourself, tell the older daughter she is welcome to come back after she takes her sister home.
We're dealing with almost the same thing...my 9 year old has a friend who lives on our block, and they always want to play together. The parents send their 3 year old along most of the time. (I get the impression that it's the 9 year old's job to watch the little sister.) The 3 year old needs constant supervision because my house isn't childproofed anymore, and because she's a handful. She also picks on my 5 year old, mostly because she's bigger than my 5 year old.
I had to be direct about it..."I'm sorry, but the little one can't come over today because I have a lot to get done, and my house isn't really kid-proof anymore, so I have to watch her every second that she's here."
I do make sure to include her sometimes, and plan an activity that she and I can do together.
Your situation is a little worse, because the mother lets the kid out of the house unsupervised all of the time. I think the solution is to send the older sibling home with the younger one. "Can you take your sister home? I'm afraid she'll get hurt because all the other kids are so much bigger."
I know how you feel...you already served your time with the wall-scribbling, demanding, messy little kids, and now that your kids have grown out of it, you shouldn't have to put up with it. I feel that way too...I'm lucky, my 5 year old has the mindset of a little old lady (for example, she asked me the other day if she could wear a dress that had a few white flowers in the pattern to a wedding, or if that was too much white to be appropriate ) and she's never gone through the messy stage.
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- but serious suggestions would be appreciated
) and she's never gone through the messy stage.
