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I am not talking studies at this point and kids *can* turn out fine when spanked infrequently and not harshly.
However, do you not see that you can have a better relationship with your children if you do not spank? Do you really believe that your children cannot stop behaviors you dislike without it? Do you really think your children will not listen to you if you don't spank?
The payoff is in being kind and humane. Spanking gives out the message that might makes right. Is that really what you want your child to learn? Should he spank children who are smaller than he is? When he gets to be older and has some authority, should he spank those who are in his control?
Every post you make furthers your judgment on people who spank. I know many parents who spank who have better relationships with their kids than I have seen other kids have with their non spanking parents.
I can ask all of the same judgmental questions of non spanking parents.
As I said in a previous thread on spanking.
Our way isn't the right way it's just the way that works for our families.
It is not my opinion that there are other methods that work as well as spanking. It is a fact evidenced by those who were not spanked and turned out just fine.
A person who was spanked may turn out fine also, but that does not make spanking necessary.
Also, you would have to prove that prayer actually worked to cure your cancer and that is not easy. I can prove that there are many kids who were not spanked who turned out to be upstanding citizens.
Are you aware that in the *olden days* when spanking was practiced widely, there was actually a lot more violence? It's true.
There are no reliable statistics on the extent of crime a hundred or a hundred and fifty years ago. From all reports, however, crime in the U.S. was extensive, especially violent crime and crimes among the young. The good citizens of 19th century America were also alarmed. They looked back to the good old days of simple rural life, before the growth of the cities. The crowded
and crime-ridden Eastern cities were contrasted unfavorably with the "wide open spaces" of the West -- the West, that is, of Jesse James and Billy the Kid!
Really your gonna go there? 150 years ago I could call you to a duel in the middle of town and shoot you with very little chance of getting in trouble. Are you seriously making a claim that the violence was due to spanking.
Yeah every couple of months nana brings up this tired old subject, or injects the same tired opinion into someone else's conversation and derails it to create the usual, tired "spanking is bad, time out is good" tirade. The topic gets entertained for a couple of days, and then everyone realizes that the horse has been dead, rotting, decomposing, and maggot-infested for years, and nana is just prodding the maggots again.
Yeah every couple of months nana brings up this tired old subject, or injects the same tired opinion into someone else's conversation and derails it to create the usual, tired "spanking is bad, time out is good" tirade. The topic gets entertained for a couple of days, and then everyone realizes that the horse has been dead, rotting, decomposing, and maggot-infested for years, and nana is just prodding the maggots again.
I'm starting to realize that. I think I'll let this thread sail to the bottom of the list.
One simple question...how does anybody besides me know what the best method is for my child, or anybody's child? All children are different, and there is no one magic formula for raising them.
Yeah every couple of months nana brings up this tired old subject, or injects the same tired opinion into someone else's conversation and derails it to create the usual, tired "spanking is bad, time out is good" tirade. The topic gets entertained for a couple of days, and then everyone realizes that the horse has been dead, rotting, decomposing, and maggot-infested for years, and nana is just prodding the maggots again.
Wrong. I do not advocate any particular other method. And I only brought this up because of the other spanking thread that was going on. I have posted this ONCE before.
Really your gonna go there? 150 years ago I could call you to a duel in the middle of town and shoot you with very little chance of getting in trouble. Are you seriously making a claim that the violence was due to spanking.
As the bit on espn radio says "come on man"
Not due to spanking, but spanking did not prevent it, now did it?
Spanking sometimes works in the short term, but it is ineffective at teaching children right from wrong which is what all of us want them to learn.
In this case, I am fine with the short-term.
I am fine with my child abstaining from misbehaving out of a bit of fear.
His brain is not yet developed to understand my complex reasons behind expecting him to behave in a certain way and being a tad afraid of a consequence is perfectly within the range of healthy.
Maturity will take care of the long-term. They will eventually come to comply based on reason (brought to you by: Maturity, Inc!!).
In the mean time abstaining based on fear is perfectly fine and it DOES teach right from wrong. It is part of a natural, long-term process.
There is no evidence to the contrary, even if the ideology you mentioned above is indeed very fashionable and "du jour".
However, it remains mere ideology and nothing else.
As someone else said, generations of children obeyed out of fear (of spanking or other unpleasant consequences).
The same generations of children ended up maturing and understanding right from wrong just fine.
In this case, I am fine with the short-term.
I am fine with my child abstaining from misbehaving out of a bit of fear.
His brain is not yet developed to understand my complex reasons behind expecting him to behave in a certain way and being a tad afraid of a consequence is perfectly within the range of healthy.
Maturity will take care of the long-term. They will eventually come to comply based on reason (brought to you by: Maturity, Inc!!).
In the mean time abstaining based on fear is perfectly fine and it DOES teach right from wrong. It is part of a natural, long-term process.
There is no evidence to the contrary, even if the ideology you mentioned above is indeed very fashionable and "du jour".
However, it remains mere ideology and nothing else.
As someone else said, generations of children obeyed out of fear (of spanking or other unpleasant consequences).
The same generations of children ended up maturing and understanding right from wrong just fine.
Nice post! It's up to us parents to teach our children what is wrong, harmful, deadly ect.... If a swat on the butt is going to teach my kids not to run out in the street, play with matches or hit other kids then so be it.
The reason for using something positive is that when you say *don't yell,* your toddler hears *yell* and does not really hear or pay attention to the don't.
If you don't like inside voices, use something else like *let's whisper* or *it's time to be quiet.* The wording is not as important as simply telling the child what you want them to DO rather than what you do not want them to do.
The inside voices and walking feet phrases come from teaching in preschools and daycares.
I always say "you may not yell". I hate that "inside voices" thing too!
I do see your point though, about giving positive directives instead of always negative. I just think that sometimes people take it too far. I think at times, there is a need to tell a kid what they CANNOT do!
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