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Hi, Looking for some advice. My youngest daughter lives in the UK and is planning to get married next year in Greece. She has been living with her partner for 10/15 years and they have two children. Her mother and I have been divorced for over 30 years.
The problem I am having is mainly with my ex, although I have no contact with her she considers that I should pay for the bulk of the wedding and she would just contribute for a wedding dress or something else costing similar. I have spoken to my daughter and stated that the cost of the wedding should be shared between the parents of the bride and groom.
Since I have put forward this suggestion my ex has turned quite nasty and has started to tell my daughter that as she has helped her to buy things over the last few years she feels that I should foot the bill.
I have also bought her several expensive items to help her family but would not dream of bringing this to her attention as it has nothing to do with her special day.
I have been told that the grooms Father cannot be asked as he gave them a contribution for a deposit on their house, the grooms Mother has no money, and as my ex has contributed to the buying of items for their house it all seems to be falling on me.
Am I asking to much to expect that the wedding costs should be shared ?
Any help would be most appreciated . . . . . Thank you . . . Steve
Holy crap!!! Living together for 10/15 years? Hell no. You shouldn't be EXPECTED to pay a damn cent. You can only OFFER to pay what you feel you WANT to pay for.
Living together for 10/15 years? HELL NO!!!! YOU'RE NOT OBLIGATED TO PAY A DARN THING. As a matter of fact, they should pay for it themselves withou ANY expectation from ANY parents.
Holy crap!!! Living together for 10/15 years? Hell no. You shouldn't be EXPECTED to pay a damn cent. You can only OFFER to pay what you feel you WANT to pay for.
Living together for 10/15 years? HELL NO!!!! YOU'RE NOT OBLIGATED TO PAY A DARN THING. As a matter of fact, they should pay for it themselves withou ANY expectation from ANY parents.
They're ALL being ridiculous.
Sooooo agree . . . why would anyone be guilted into paying for an adult child's wedding who must be in her 30s (with TWO CHILDREN OF HER OWN!!!) and has been living with someone for at least a decade?
Shame on your daughter for even asking anyone to pay for a wedding and double shame on your Ex for going along with it!
I don't think it's appropriate for your ex to make any demands of you in this situation. IMO, you should decide how much you want to contribute and offer that to your daughter. Then she and her boyfriend can figure out where to go from there.
Holy moly...your daughter is an adult. If she's old enough to play house and have children, she's old enough to have a wedding she can afford to pay for herself.
When I got married, my DH and I told our respective parents our plans, and then awkwardly said something along the lines of "We're capable of paying for it all, but if you want to help out let us know now, please". DH's parents paid for flowers, mine put down the deposit on the venue. We covered the rest. We were 22 though, and had never lived together.
I don't really understand the anger and outrage expressed by some of the other posters. It's as though they think your daughter has been doing something really bad and deserves to be punished for it.
That said, you are not required to pay for the wedding. Especially since they have been together for many years and have an established family, something relatively modest would seem to be appropriate.
I don't really understand the idea that the bride is entitled to make demands about the cost of the wedding, and I'm not sure you're saying that she is. In fact, the entire argument seems to be among the parents, or between you and your ex-wife.
You presumably want your daughter to be happy and to have a wedding that is appropriate to her lifestyle and values, and that she will remember fondly into the future. How about a conversation between the two of you about what she has in mind and what you are willing and able to contribute? If the financial limitations impose limitations on what the wedding will be like, so be it.
I would also at least try to have a discussion about the location of the wedding. I understand that it's probably a lot cheaper to get to Greece from England than from the United States, but the trend of having a destination wedding and expecting throngs of friends and relatives to spend thousands of dollars to travel to a wedding is very troubling and presumptuous. On the other hand, from your post we don't know that that's what she has in mind; it could be that she wants a small gathering of her closest friends and relatives, all of whom can afford it, at an attractive location.
Sooooo agree . . . why would anyone be guilted into paying for an adult child's wedding who must be in her 30s (with TWO CHILDREN OF HER OWN!!!) and has been living with someone for at least a decade?
Shame on your daughter for even asking anyone to pay for a wedding and double shame on your Ex for going along with it!
I agree!
Contribute what you might like, if anything at all... but do NOT be guilted into anything!
I'm on the band wagon that your daughter is a grown adult, with children of her own - they should be paying for their own wedding. Seriously - she should be ashamed of herself for expecting anything, and grateful for anything anyone is willing to give.
I have no issue at all that they have been living together for that long, but to then want a wedding that her parents should pay for after really having an established life? Come on!
Hi, Looking for some advice. My youngest daughter lives in the UK and is planning to get married next year in Greece. She has been living with her partner for 10/15 years and they have two children. Her mother and I have been divorced for over 30 years.
The problem I am having is mainly with my ex, although I have no contact with her she considers that I should pay for the bulk of the wedding and she would just contribute for a wedding dress or something else costing similar. I have spoken to my daughter and stated that the cost of the wedding should be shared between the parents of the bride and groom.
Since I have put forward this suggestion my ex has turned quite nasty and has started to tell my daughter that as she has helped her to buy things over the last few years she feels that I should foot the bill.
I have also bought her several expensive items to help her family but would not dream of bringing this to her attention as it has nothing to do with her special day.
I have been told that the grooms Father cannot be asked as he gave them a contribution for a deposit on their house, the grooms Mother has no money, and as my ex has contributed to the buying of items for their house it all seems to be falling on me.
Am I asking to much to expect that the wedding costs should be shared ?
Any help would be most appreciated . . . . . Thank you . . . Steve
She has two children and has been living with the guy for 15 years? OMG She's a grown woman with children for cripes sakes. It's not a wedding, it's a ceremony to make your grandchildren legitimate. If anything I would give THEM presents to celebrate the occasion.
I wonder if she is going to wear a white dress too. LOL
Tell her you will pay for the trip home to visit you next time. That is your wedding present to her.
I agree with the others. After living together for that long, and having 2 kids, they should pay for it themselves. The parents could offer a gift of cash that they could spend as they please. I think that would be a nice gesture.
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