Would you let your 16 year old have an alcoholic sleepover? (attorney, parents)
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Besides the liability aspect, you're basically telling your child that rules and laws don't apply to her. That she's above the law and you're in full support of that. Not a good road to travel down. Allowing her and yourself to snub the law can lead to other boundary-break downs in the family unit and other snubs at the law if she doesn't agree with them.
Teaching a child to respect the laws of the land is important, even if she doesn't agree with them. Delayed gratification and self-discipline will go a long way throughout her life.
I can't, either. Does the OP have any idea how much he'd stand to lose if one of those kids had an accident and his/her parents sued him for damages? Time to stand up to your 16-year-old. Who cares what she says her friends are doing?
1. Legal liability. In our lawsuit-happy world, you do not want to open your family up to the chance of losing everything if something happened (and I'm not just talking a death, talking about your town/city or parents sueing you for serving to minors, too).
2. You are aiding to instill an air of entitlement in your daughter's moral upbringing. The federal law drinking age is 21 in the US. No matter where you are- at home, in a bar, etc. By allowing this sleepover or allowing her to attend drinking sleepiness at other homes, you are teaching her she's above the law and can break them if she sees "fit". This is how people end up doing drugs illegally, running Ponzi schemes, etc. They think the rules & laws don't apply.
One thing REALLY jumped out in your post. You wrote "my daughter says her friends' parents allow..." Do you not know these parents yourself? Call them and confirm this rumor! Certainly some of the parents may be ok with it, but others might find out they were the unintentional party hosts while being out of town for a weekend. You- the parent- need to know your kid's friend's and their parents. When you discover friend's or parents have different morals/values than your family, it's a great talking point to help complete the upbringing of your daughter before she leaves for college in 2 years. 16 year olds don't have fully formed brains- while they can look like adults physically, the judgement part of the brain doesn't fully form until around 20. YOU are the parent- if you don't want to host this party or have her attend similar ones, be the bad guy. It's your freaking job.
No, I would not allow it, and I would put a stop to any other sleep-overs unless I knew they were being held in the homes of responsible parents who felt the same way I did about underage drinking.
No. For one it's illegal to provide underaged drinkers their alcohol.
I wouldn't even want to take someone else's kids to church without the explicit permission from their parents, much less have them drinking.
I do give my own kids an occassional drink, mostly because I want to be the one teaching them how to drink now and then if they choose, rather than have their peer group teaching them how to drink.
You must be kidding. You would seriously allow other children to drink in your home? I can tell you one thing, if I learned of my 16 year old being served alcohol by other parents, I would raise HELL with those people. What you allow your own child to do is your own business, but it is not your place to make that decision for other parents, and you would be COMPLETELY out of line to do so. Not to mention, as posters have already pointed out, you would be legally responsible for whatever may happen to those kids after they leave your house after being served liquor. Most obviously, serving liquor to minors is ILLEGAL. If another parent complains to authorities, you CAN and probably WILL get investigated by social services. Is it really worth potentially going to jail, losing your children, causing an accident, or at the very least, getting ripped a new one by an angry parent, just so your daughter be "like all the other kids?" I mean, seriously?
No. Not unless you are cool with perhaps losing your house via a lawsuit (you're not really falling for the old "but Jenny's mom lets her do it", are you?) and potential arrest for serving booze to minors.
Look, I'll be honest with you, I'm not sure how many children you have, but generally when it's above 3 and the youngest pulls this, the parents have long since lost their sense of outrage that their 16 year olds might be drinking. The poor eldest has to kind of "break" the parents in. But seriously, this is not a good idea. All you need is one pissed off parent or school official who finds out about this and it will really not go well.
In the same way that you do not appreciate your child lying to you, doing poorly at school, sassing you, etc. - you would never think in terms of aiding and abetting that, would you? By doing what she is requesting, you are in a small way condoning her under-age drinking. Parents are not meant to be their child's friend. They are meant to be their parent. To guide them, to instill sense and morals and to always ensure their safety. You know that. Give this a big NO and take the time to explain to her why it's a bad idea for her to be drinking - and what it could cost her parents if this were to ever take place.
While what the OP proposes bad idea regardless, there's some misinformation floating around in this thread about the law regarding serving alcohol to minors. There is no "federal" drinking age. And it is not automatically against the law in many states for minors to consume alcohol, usually under the supervision of their parents. Minnesota is one such state. So it's OK in Minnesota to let your kid have a glass of wine at dinner -- I promise they won't become the next Bernie Madoff because of it.
In NY state you will most likely go to jail if you are caught. This is a very bad idea. Whether or not you agree with the philosophy, this can land you with too many legal problems to make it feasible. As someone who started driking in college and saw all of the dangers associated in this environment, I happen to agree with the idea of learning to handle alcohol in a safe environment, but that is not what you are proposing. You are propsing group drinking in a peer pressure environment. You are not motivated by thoughts of teaching responsibility and maturity but by ideas of popularity. However, what you may achieve is notarity instead of popularity.
While what the OP proposes bad idea regardless, there's some misinformation floating around in this thread about the law regarding serving alcohol to minors. There is no "federal" drinking age. And it is not automatically against the law in many states for minors to consume alcohol, usually under the supervision of their parents. Minnesota is one such state. So it's OK in Minnesota to let your kid have a glass of wine at dinner -- I promise they won't become the next Bernie Madoff because of it.
There basically is a federal drinking age because states that have a drinking age less than 21 don't get federal highway funding. When that was passed in the 1970's, all states raised to 21.
And yes, most states do allow minor consumption with parent present. If this mom threw the party, her daughter could drink, but all the other girls would be breaking the law as would mom for serving them.
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