Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: where the moss is taking over the villages
2,183 posts, read 5,584,195 times
Reputation: 1270
O my gosh
Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore
I wonder what the lady would have said had he responded with something like.....When people say things like that I always wonder if they've kidnapped the child and are forcing them to keep quiet and not communicate with anyone for fear of being discovered.
If only someone had questioned Phillip Garrido so much earlier when he was out with Jaycee Dugard and wouldn't let her talk to strangers........
Location: where the moss is taking over the villages
2,183 posts, read 5,584,195 times
Reputation: 1270
I haven't read all the posts in this thread, but here's my 2 cents, as a mom. I don't usually interact directly with little children who don't know me. I direct my energy toward the parents. I know I don't want to contribute to making a child respond to strangers. It's just my instinct.
However, I do get where the OP is coming from, a place of innocence. And that innocence doesn't fly anymore... I'm very sorry to say.
I don't know how to explain it & it's probably already been expressed better anyway, since there are so many pages here & I only read 3 of them briefly.
OP, please don't take offense. I totally get what you mean. The guy was innocent. I think the mom probably was a bit over the top. She didn't have to be frosty.
It's just best to defer to parents these days, in my opinion. I make eye contact & smile with children & relay my remarks to the parents, not directly to the children... If a child speaks to me, then of course I'd respond but with a cautious courtesy, out of respect for the parent.
However, if I see a small child trailing away from following a parent, I do admonish them to go find daddy or mommy.
I really like the post where OhioChic tells what she was taught to do - on page 3. Excellent tip!
I found this situation to be what I would call overkill.
I was just in line at the supermarket and behind me was a woman with her daughter who was about 6 or 7yrs old.
Behind them was a man and he said hello to the little girl and made a comment about the Easter display and how the Easter bunny was coming. Looked to be a very pleasant man, probably a grandfather.
Anyway the child said nothing. And then the mother said in a somewhat curt tone "I taught her not to talk to strangers".
Isn't that a bit much? I understand telling a child not to talk strangers, not to get in cars, etc.
But when the child is with a parent standing right there? They can't answer a question or say hello?
I found that to be extreme.
The "curt tone" bothers me more than anything. There is no need for it. An apologetic tone would be more polite along with an explanation of how she's trying to keep her child safe. The man would understand. No need to embarrass him or hurt his feelings because he likes kids.
I think the focus on stranger danger harms far more children than it saves.
My mother was an anxious person when I was young. I heard all the time about the dangers of highways, lightening, fire, and on and on and on.
Guess what? I have a fire ladder under my window- just in case. When there's a storm, I start thinking about the big tree out back falling on the roof. I don't drive on highways. And on and on and on...
Your fears become your children's fears. The media has us trembling and locked away in our houses, terrified of the whole wide world- when violence is down, and strangers are not the ones likely to abduct your child. For every Jaycee that is kidnapped and talking about daily on the news, there are millions of children abused by relatives. And for every one of them, there are BILLIONS who made it through childhood without one bad thing ever happening to them. You just never hear about them! The way the media makes it sound, the only way to get your child to school is to fight off child predators with a stick every morning.
But still, you tell your child 'strangers are danger'. And that teaches them the world is a scary, scary place, because the whole world IS strangers. So they never learn to trust their instincts, or communicate well in social situations. And maybe they never really learn to trust at all, because they've been taught their whole life to hurry home and don't make eye contact along the way, and then triple bolt the door.
NO child has ever been harmed talking to someone in a checkout line. That isn't keeping your kid safe. It's inflicting fear, and some shadow of it will likely haunt them.
Teach your kids to take REASONABLE precautions. And shut off the news!
I think the focus on stranger danger harms far more children than it saves.
My mother was an anxious person when I was young. I heard all the time about the dangers of highways, lightening, fire, and on and on and on.
Guess what? I have a fire ladder under my window- just in case. When there's a storm, I start thinking about the big tree out back falling on the roof. I don't drive on highways. And on and on and on...
Your fears become your children's fears. The media has us trembling and locked away in our houses, terrified of the whole wide world- when violence is down, and strangers are not the ones likely to abduct your child. For every Jaycee that is kidnapped and talking about daily on the news, there are millions of children abused by relatives. And for every one of them, there are BILLIONS who made it through childhood without one bad thing ever happening to them. You just never hear about them! The way the media makes it sound, the only way to get your child to school is to fight off child predators with a stick every morning.
But still, you tell your child 'strangers are danger'. And that teaches them the world is a scary, scary place, because the whole world IS strangers. So they never learn to trust their instincts, or communicate well in social situations. And maybe they never really learn to trust at all, because they've been taught their whole life to hurry home and don't make eye contact along the way, and then triple bolt the door.
NO child has ever been harmed talking to someone in a checkout line. That isn't keeping your kid safe. It's inflicting fear, and some shadow of it will likely haunt them.
Teach your kids to take REASONABLE precautions. And shut off the news!
I agree. It makes sense to teach your child common sense measures to keep them safe, but not to make them believe that there's a child molester behind every tree, waiting to snatch them up.
I HAVE told my daughter not to talk to strangers. But I think she knows what kind of strangers I'm talking about, even though I've never really explained it. I told her this when she developed this habit of striking up a conversation with homeless, drunk men who hang out at the public library. We would just be walking past and she would call out "HI!" and the next thing I know, he's stumbling behind us, trying to have some drunk incoherent conversation with a toddler. At that point, I had to be downright mean and nasty to get him away.
But there are other strangers who smile at her and talk to her, and it doesn't bother me. She is a naturally friendly, exuberant child and adults tend to want to talk to her. I don't see the problem with that as long as it's in my presence, and it seems very friendly and innocent. If I saw someone getting a little too personal, too interested in her, or someone who just gave me the creeps, I would probably react the way the mom in the OP did.
However, I would NEVER want to scare away her natural, outgoing personality by making her think that all strangers are dangerous. She knows the basics--her full name, my full name, our address, our phone number. She knows if she's lost to go to an employee or someone with a uniform and ask for help. I've even had a police officer show her his badge so she knows what a real one looks like. Personally, I have my own fears for her safety. Maybe natural mother's instinct, maybe too much Law and Order SVU. I want her to know basic safety precautions and to be safe, but I would never inflict my own fears onto her.
At age six or seven, the kid may be very easily distracted still or have speech problems. The child is not necessarily being aloof, rude or anything like that.
I found this situation to be what I would call overkill.
I was just in line at the supermarket and behind me was a woman with her daughter who was about 6 or 7yrs old.
Behind them was a man and he said hello to the little girl and made a comment about the Easter display and how the Easter bunny was coming. Looked to be a very pleasant man, probably a grandfather.
Anyway the child said nothing. And then the mother said in a somewhat curt tone "I taught her not to talk to strangers".
Isn't that a bit much? I understand telling a child not to talk strangers, not to get in cars, etc.
But when the child is with a parent standing right there? They can't answer a question or say hello?
I found that to be extreme.
..
An apologetic tone would be a little more acceptable for sure, but clearly, the mother is not much better with her manners it seems. Seems like the right thing to do would be to then explain to her child that will mommy's here, it's okay to talk to a stranger.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
O my gosh
