Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why do some people continue to think that by controlling their child's behavior, they are teaching their child to control their OWN behavior. Lisa Welchel's and similar approaches might achieve some results with young children - the kids will learn to do what they are told to do, but are completely ineffective at getting kids to learn to monitor their own actions. If a parent consistently "owns" the behavior, the child will only learn that direction and punishment is given by others, not him or her ownself.
So what if your kid can follow your directions? Aren't we striving for kids who learn how to make good choices and learn from mistakes?
I think approaches such as "Love and Logic" or "Celebrate Calm" that focus on letting kids learn from natural consequences (and having hot sauce is never a natural consequence unless the kid is dumb enough to try to drink a bottle of hot sauce all on his own) are much more effective for long-term success.
I used to work with children who had abusive parents. They towed the line in front of the parents, but they were the wildest kids when away from them. They did not listen to other adults nor did they have any self-regulation. They only knew that when they were with the people who hit them they had to have perfect behavior.
When I was a kid, we lived across the street from an older couple whose grandchildren came to visit from time to time. The grandfather was a crotchety, get-the-hell-off-my-lawn type, and the grandmother was sour and mean. The kids were okay, and my friends and I played with them when they were there. I knew their grandmother used the Tabasco punishment. The boy had a large, terrible scar on his shin, and when I asked him about it, he told me someone accidentally spilled bleach on him when he was very young. Many years later, I wondered if someone had done it on purpose.
There is a parenting book by Lisa Whelchel from the Facts of Life that recommends this as one method of *creative correction.*
Lisa Whelchel: Official Site (http://www.lisawhelchel.com/ccreatbk.htm - broken link)
It's disturbing that someone who preaches the bible and ethics like she does goes around and promotes what is basically child abuse (having kids eat hot sauce and threatening to pull them by their hair).
The scary thing, is that some people will actually embrace this as "Christian Parenting 101"...sad. And horrible. I did not see any actual qualifications from Lisa's site, in regards to how many years she has taught children, or counseled children with behavior problems...or worked with families and children who have special needs. I would not take parenting advice from anyone who does not have some type of credentials, and direct experience with a variety of children, and families.
It is very interesting in counseling parents on "parenting skills", because so much of it is subjective, cultural, and even what one "parenting specialist" thinks can be completely different from another "parenting specialist". In the end though...if you have to ask yourself, "if I was watching myself do this on video, with 25 people I know, would I be okay with how my behavior looks to others..." that is the true test.
Makes me think of when parents put soap in their kids' mouths for saying profanity. Remember that scene in the movie, A Christmas Story? My parents did that to me once (not fun, but not terrible). I remember one time my sister put WAY too much Quik in her chocolate milk and my mom made her drink the whole cup. My sister thought it was more funny than awful...but she made her chocolate milk with a proper amount of Quik after that.
I'm not condoning the hot sauce or cold showers...but I thinkn it's interesting that acceptable methods for disciplining children change so much over time.
My mom did the soap in the mouth thing, it was still being used by a couple of teachers in my early years of elementary school too (although one was also still spanking bare behinds after it had been banned too). I still probably curse too much although it was maturity that made me realise it wasn't appropriate behavior in most settings rather than the soap.
She also once duct-taped my mouth in order to get me to stop talking so much. That didn't work either, although I've discovered that's is some kind of genetic trait because my 7 year old has the same problem!
Frankly it amazes me to see what can pass as 'Christian' behavior these days.
I have a good friend with triplets. She uses the hot sauce method in a dropper. If the kids sass, they get a drop of sassy sauce. I don't consider her abusive in any way, including this, but I don't like her method either.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
