Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
All really good advice! What do I want? A quick fix!!!! But I know nothing comes easily, especially with children!
My daughter had trouble at night....but it seems so long ago...and it got better. I know this too shall pass, but truthfully I am SO tired and SO huge and trying to raise children, be a good wife, and go to school is very tiresome. My 3 year old is wise. He knows how to push my buttons.
Amazingly, we didn't have this much trouble when it was just me at night. But, this is certainly a battle we have to fight as a couple, as a team, so we best be on board.
Thanks for the suggestions! I really do appreciate them, and I appreciate that there are people out there that understand that these times can be trying.
To the naysayers out there that have posted on here AND sent me nasty messages...I'm not some reproductive monster that's having baby after baby with no clue how to parent them. None of us are perfect, and it's pretty sad that people are judged because they have children. If we (anyone) decided to not have any more children based solely on the fact that our first one acted up, then we'd all be onlies or parents of onelies!
He refuses to nap. He wakes up at 6:30 every day. It takes an hour (at least) to get him to sleep each night...he's up and down, has to potty, get a drink, kiss us goodnight. By 10:00 I'm so frustrated, and so is my husband we can't stand it.
He doesn't have sugar at night.
No TV.
We take a bath, brush teeth, read a story. The routine is the same every night...he's now going into my daughter's room at night and disturbing her so she can't sleep. He throws fits, screams, kicks the wall. I can't stand it anymore. I don't know what to do...I'm 9 mos. pregnant and this struggle is taking over our entire house. He literally keeps everyone up at night...on top of that, he comes in our bed every night so I go to the sofa...if I put him in his bed he throws a tantrum, screaming, waking up the entire house.
Needless to say I haven't slept longer than 3 hours at a time in over a year. I'm over it. I'm sad to say that I'm kind of hating being a mom right now.
Does anyone have any suggestions, or real advice, like you've been there before...it's always easy for people to dish out advice...and I appreciate it but I don't really want to hear from someone w/o children telling me what to do. Unless you've been a parent, you don't really know the struggles that are faced.
I have a 10 year-old son, and he was a dream-sleeper. Off to sleep at the same time every night, very seldom woke up, stayed in his own bed, yada-yada. Along came my daughter, now 8, and she was exactly like your son. I think we are very consistent, structured parents, and yet all the things we had done with our son made no difference with our daughter. Here are a few things that did work. Firstly, my daughter sleeps way less than my son, like 2+ hours less per night, but she does get overtired very easily. Second, she is the lightest sleeper I know, every tiny little sound will wake her up. When she was very little we put a sleeping bag or blanket at the foot of the bed. We told her if she came into the room during the night she could sleep there, if she got in the bed with us, she would be booted back to her bed. We eventually moved it onto the floor, she still slept there from time to time, but it definitely was less appealing. We also offered incentives, such as she could fall asleep in our bed, but that was a real treat, and then she knew we would move her to her bed later on before we went to sleep, but any tantrums or delaying tactics, and she would lose that privelege. My husband travels a fair bit, and to this day it unsettles my daughter the most. Real time together helps, such as father/child date, even just for an ice-cream, or just a little extra cuddling.
I know it's tempting to just say be more consistent, and that probably works for most kids, but I know what you are going through. My daughter no longer has the same issues, but she still sleeps very lightly, especially if she is anxious about something, and every now and again ends up in our bed. It will get better. All I can say is terrible threes was way worse than two for me. Four is around the corner, and it does get better.
So, I'm going against the majority here with my experience and suggestions. haha
The age of 3 is generally the first stage that kids are strenuously exercising control as much as possible over as many things as possible. They want to open the doors themselves, put on their own shoes, be the first to get in the car, eat what they want and so on. In turn, they then have the biggest meltdowns when someone else opens the door or gets in the car first, and so on. Sleep is another control issue in most cases. So, my suggestion is to let him think he is in control of bedtime/sleeping. There are many ways to do this and many things to consider.
First, not every single child needs strict consistency. Some need the option of flexibility, especially at this stage. Perhaps your son is one of the few that need you to be flexible. Think about that a bit and if it fits, then the easiest thing is to change your own expectations and the stress will lighten greatly.
For example, if my son was asleep before 9, then he was back awake after his 'nap' and full speed ahead by midnight for several hours. We decided that sleeping for 6 hours (mostly straight through) was better for us than getting to sleep, being woke up soon thereafter and maybe not getting back to sleep until way later. So, there was NO way we were going to try to enforce a bed time before 10 PM when this phase hit. We merely readjusted our expectations of sleeping until we established a new/better sleep routine when he was ready......which DOES come!
Next, to help him believe he is in control, make a few compromises. Let him decide things like if he wants mom or dad to put him to bed, dinosaur pajamas or baseball pajamas, read before lights out or do a puzzle, night light on or off and soft music or white noise (especially for the light sleepers!). Give him the *responsibility* of checking on his sisters before he goes to bed. He will see them sleeping peacefully and then he can have the responsibility of keeping them asleep. That really means NOT waking them up-but presented positively instead of negatively. (YAY you kept them asleep instead of NO you woke them up!)
Also, one thing we started about that same time was my husband told our son that he would come check on him a little after he went to bed, just to reassure him. At first our son was always still awake a half hour later, so he knew that dad really did come check on him. To this day he still expects/wants dad to check on him 30 minutes after bedtime, no matter when that is, and he is now 8.
The biggest piece of advice I have though, is if you can truly lower your expectations of sleep, then you really will lose most of the stress you have. Most of us expect to get little sleep with our newborns, but most don't expect the sleep issues to carry past the baby stage, and that is what causes so much stress. So many adults can relate to the sleeping issues, yet we tend to think our kids should sleep perfectly, and the fact is many just don't.
With my second daughter, the stress of bedtime was horrible. I worked outside the home, she fought us tooth and nail in regards to sleep, never slept straight through and never stayed in her bed all night and getting sleep was next to impossible. I had no patience with her and was a miserable mom until that phased passed. I also swore I was done with kids after her! lol
Years later, I've got a new husband and we added 2 more kids to the mix and wouldn't you know it the last one is just like the second one! However, this time around I had been through early childhood education courses, became a professional in that career and better understood kids all around. That made it much easier to learn to simply adjust to the phases instead of trying to force him to be the 'norm'.
When I no longer expected him to fit the mold of sleeping 10-12 hours at night, go to bed before 9 and sleep all night, things got almost totally stress free. It took far less time for him to transition to a better sleep pattern than it did for the other stressful child of mine!
3 is a hard age. My son who is now 7 has always been a light sleeper. I don't know if "light" is the right word... He has always been an early riser, no matter what time we put him to bed. When he was an infant he hardly slept at night. sometimes he would be wide awake at 3 am, not hungry. At 2 years he was getting up multiple times/night and crawling in our bed (at this point I had a newborn also). Bed time is 8:00-8:30, and he now wakes up between 6:00-6:30 on his own.
We are still trying to figure him out, but he shows some signs of depression, anxiety, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder. So, I'm not going to tell you how to get him to stay in bed. I'm telling you that it might end up being one symptom of a bigger problem. Keep an eye on him and follow your gut.
Excellent advice...thank you! You are right...he may need flexibility. We certainly can be more consistent with discipline and routine, but he's really a different bird...he's definitely much more charged and challenging.
We start putting him to bed around 8; he may not be worn out by then. I try so hard to wind it down at night; with 3 kids and 3 dogs our house can be loud and chaotic. He's never been the best sleeper, and I almost think that he's really just trying to challenge us a bit...I could be wrong.
I'm not sure what we're going to try tonight, but for sanity's sake, I'd love a drama free evening!
Today I was super tired; only had about 3 collective hours of sleep last night and I was hoping so badly he'd nap today so I could just sit and space out...that never happened.
The 3's are HARD! The terrible twos have nothing on the 3's! NOTHING!
I appreciate all of the suggestions...I will certainly use them wisely!
constipation (by a pediatric gasroenterologist, NOT the pediatrician)...he may not be feeling well.
eyesight (opthalmologist should do it, NOT optician)...he may be frustrated that he can't see clearly.
allergies
sleep apnea (pediatric sleep center). From what you've described, I suspect it may be this...note that some believe allergies play a role in sleep apnea. Obesity definitely does.
Excellent advice...thank you! You are right...he may need flexibility. We certainly can be more consistent with discipline and routine, but he's really a different bird...he's definitely much more charged and challenging.
We start putting him to bed around 8; he may not be worn out by then. I try so hard to wind it down at night; with 3 kids and 3 dogs our house can be loud and chaotic. He's never been the best sleeper, and I almost think that he's really just trying to challenge us a bit...I could be wrong.
I'm not sure what we're going to try tonight, but for sanity's sake, I'd love a drama free evening!
Today I was super tired; only had about 3 collective hours of sleep last night and I was hoping so badly he'd nap today so I could just sit and space out...that never happened.
The 3's are HARD! The terrible twos have nothing on the 3's! NOTHING!
I appreciate all of the suggestions...I will certainly use them wisely!
I'm telling you, keep an eye on him! DS7 is the same way. I've thought he had ADHD since he was 2 or 3. DH kept saying "he's a boy!" now we are finally figuring out that there was really something to my observations years ago.
Parenting at any stage is certainly hard, but that doesn't mean (in my case) that it's not to be done. It's not easy and it's sometimes exhausting and unforgiving, but (for me) I've committed myself to doing the best I can with each day. I'm not perfect and certainly make tons of mistakes, but I cannot imagine my life without our blessings.
And just to reiterate what I said earlier...just because we have an issue with a child, who is 3, (and I know this too shall pass) doesn't mean we should not have any more children. I am done after this one...not that it's your business. I see the children as blessings and gifts to our lives, but yes, parenting is hard work, and it's work all the time. And for this mother, yes, I parent EVERY day at home. I have 2 other children with perfect attendance and straight A's. Are they handfuls? Sometimes, but we're doing something right, I hope.
Seriously... I get what the others are saying, but if everyone who had trouble with their 2 or 3 year old quit having kids, no one would have more than 1!
I'm telling you, keep an eye on him! DS7 is the same way. I've thought he had ADHD since he was 2 or 3. DH kept saying "he's a boy!" now we are finally figuring out that there was really something to my observations years ago.
I certainly will! Thank you!
My husband compared him to our labrador retriever...needs constant stimulation, exercise...
The ADHD issue popped in my head today, and most certainly will I keep my eyes on this guy....
He is a handful for certain, but can be the sweetest, most loving boy.
My husband compared him to our labrador retriever...needs constant stimulation, exercise...
The ADHD issue popped in my head today, and most certainly will I keep my eyes on this guy....
He is a handful for certain, but can be the sweetest, most loving boy.
Knowledge is power!
At least he's not a Jack Russell yet, that would be very worrying!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But I know nothing comes easily, especially with children! 
