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My daughter is 17, and lives with the "perfect one" her father. It is her age, or whatever..you are still her Mom, she will come back. Mine never even calls me, except for money. Just give it time. It is annoying though...believe me, I know. And of course, I am the "evil" one...all things wrong in her life are my fault, the divorce was all my fault, me moving to make more money, all my fault...I am sure things will settle out...Just give it time.
Also her father did not have a great relationship with her from the age of 2 till 13. He was never available to see her when I took her ice skating, swimming, dance classes, tap class, soccer, four wheeling, archery, and more. I did everything for her that I knew how too!!! I have NOT complained in anyway about her father!!! I have NEVER Bashed him. I just sent her another 30.00 to go toward gas. I spent hundreds on her home comming dance. I was there to take pictures and take her around to get her forgotten tickets and monitor the kids while they ate at resturant. I attended all her school functions, assisted in her classes. I was and would still be a very activie part in her life. I myslef would never sit around bashing someone else while my kids are present, what does that teach them. I do not hold a grudge or dwell on it, I simply do not understand why in front of the kids???
I think like others have pointed out, she wasn't really your top priority when you were "dating". It can be better if mothers after a divorce or two stick with raising their kids and postpone "dating" until the kids are older.
But - also, kids demand more of their mothers for some reason. Kids will say it's okay for dad to have girlfriends but they don't want the mom bringing men around. I'm not sure why that is, but it may have to do with mom being the custodial parent and the home is sacred - mom's boyfriends are intruders in the family home.
You may need to remind her of the things you did for her. Kids at that age can be rather ungrateful, they can be bribed and manipulated by the other parent. You may have to straight out tell her that you were there for her, you may need to tell her you are sorry if she believes you weren't there enough or that she believes she wasn't the priority. Sometimes kids have to forgive their parents for not being "perfect" - maybe in her eyes you weren't but you still love her, always have - just tell her that flat out.
Sometimes you have to be direct - and "perfect parent" is a perception but it's the truth to the one with the perception. She may have seen friends with two parents, non broken homes and it hurt her that she never had that. So you have to see it from her point of view also.
And you may have to counter the other parent's manipulation. Parents will often do that - they to bring the kids into their corner against the other and it's very wrong to do that - no matter what the parent feels about the other.
You may even want to have a talk with the father, try to help him see the damage he is doing because no matter what has passed between the two of you and no matter how he views your life and relationships with men, you are the mother of this girl and he should not run you down to her. It's not good for her. Nevermind you - it's about the kid. He needs to see that.
Also her father did not have a great relationship with her from the age of 2 till 13. He was never available to see her when I took her ice skating, swimming, dance classes, tap class, soccer, four wheeling, archery, and more. I did everything for her that I knew how too!!! I have NOT complained in anyway about her father!!! I have NEVER Bashed him. I just sent her another 30.00 to go toward gas. I spent hundreds on her home comming dance. I was there to take pictures and take her around to get her forgotten tickets and monitor the kids while they ate at resturant. I attended all her school functions, assisted in her classes. I was and would still be a very activie part in her life. I myslef would never sit around bashing someone else while my kids are present, what does that teach them. I do not hold a grudge or dwell on it, I simply do not understand why in front of the kids???
So her father didn't have a great relationship w/ her up to 13, yet you hand her over to him at 14? All of this "I", "I", "I" stuff about what you did for her. Why did you give her up when she needed you most? To her, your new lover was more important. Your lovelife should not have been a priority over her.
What's done is done and she may or may not ever heal. Is there anyway you could pick her up for some alone, one on one time to talk? Anyone can send a check in the mail. Really let her know you still care. Let her be able to look you in the eyes and feel what's in your heart for her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
I think like others have pointed out, she wasn't really your top priority when you were "dating". It can be better if mothers after a divorce or two stick with raising their kids and postpone "dating" until the kids are older.
But - also, kids demand more of their mothers for some reason. Kids will say it's okay for dad to have girlfriends but they don't want the mom bringing men around. I'm not sure why that is, but it may have to do with mom being the custodial parent and the home is sacred - mom's boyfriends are intruders in the family home.
Sometimes you have to be direct - and "perfect parent" is a perception but it's the truth to the one with the perception. She may have seen friends with two parents, non broken homes and it hurt her that she never had that. So you have to see it from her point of view also.
You may even want to have a talk with the father, try to help him see the damage he is doing because no matter what has passed between the two of you and no matter how he views your life and relationships with men, you are the mother of this girl and he should not run you down to her. It's not good for her. Nevermind you - it's about the kid. He needs to see that.
You said that her father decided to bash you because you weren't interested in a relationship. Do you think he only took custody of her to get back at you? If he wasn't interested in her for 11 yrs, why now? Is this the husband who had an affair? What type of environment is your daughter now living in? I still can't understand why you gave her up.
Your second husband did drugs, and yet he is the one with custody? Why is it i smell troll in this post?
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