Total opposite kids (allowance, parents, boys, chores)

[okaydorothy]

Hi there
My two boys are 11 & 10. They are great good kids most of the time and get along very well. But they are complete opposites.

The older boy is responsible, does jobs without asking, sees ahead what needs to be done(sets table etc). He is good in school, no discipline problems at all and maintains his grades. He is into sports and loves them.

The younger one is a sweetheart ; knows the right things to say, is much brighter than his brother and gets excellent grades in school But gosh is he lazy. He puts so little effort into everything, constantly needs to be asked to do anything and then does things with such minimal effort that I end up telling him to stop ; its his way of getting out of things!!He loves reading and can be found with a book all the time.

I am more like the older boy ; constantly doing things cant seem to sit still. My dh is more like the younger boy ; does as little as possible.

I try not to favor either because I know they both have their great points and their not so geat points and do praise them for the good things that are in their personalities.

how can i deal with the laziness?

thanks
dorothy

[suzie02]

Originally Posted by okaydorothy

how can i deal with the laziness?

Just don't let him get out of doing things when he does the poorly. I know that was my technique as a kid. Do it badly so you are not asked to do it again.

At least he is doing good in school. As a child I was an underachiever because I was too lazy to do my homework. My teachers would get upset at me because they knew I had the potential to do better. Fortunately I straightened out by college and graduated Summa C*m Laude in Engineering. I have to say my parents are still in shock I worked so hard.

[WhereTheSidewalkEnds]

Originally Posted by okaydorothy

He puts so little effort into everything, constantly needs to be asked to do anything and then does things with such minimal effort that I end up telling him to stop ; its his way of getting out of things!!

Ummm....stop doing that. He's not stupid obviously - he's got the system figured out. I don't understand why you would tell him to stop. If he's not doing something to your satisfaction, then make him keep doing it until he's done it right.

Maybe he'll get tired of doing something over and over again and start doing it the first time.

[Hopes]

I agree with suzie and jkcoop. Since he is the most intelligent, he is working the system you provided. You trained him to be lazy by telling him to stop when he didn't put forth the effort. Ever watch Bill Cosby? Remember the husband who purposely does laundry wrong, does so on purpose so he's never asked to do laundry again. Your smart boy figured you out a long time ago.

Don't feel badly. You're not alone. Mine figured me out by being miserable when asked to do something. (We all have our parenting weaknesses.) Fortunately, yours are still young. There's hope. You can retrain them! LOL I swear it can be done. It just takes the ability to IGNORE whatever isn't being done right or whatever whining goes with it. Reward the good behavior. Torture him with never ending expectations for bad behavior.

[nana053]

Have a meeting with him about chores he should be doing. Once you have an agreement about what chores he should do, make up a chore chart and let him check off which ones he has done. Don't set specific times to do them. Let him choose *when* to do them, you and he together choose *what* he must do. Have specific consequences (natural if possible) for not doing the chores. Perhaps no reading until he finishes a certain chore would help.

Does he get an allowance?
Does he get paid for any chores? My theory on this is that kids should be paid only for chores that are out of the ordinary and regular chores should be expected as part of being in the family.

He might be too old for these books, but maybe not. He can read them himself.

Feeding Penny the Pig by Jeanine Fox
The Berenstain Bears and The Trouble with Chores by Stan and Jan Berenstain
Do I have to? Kids Talk about Responsibility by Nancy Loewen
If Everybody Did by Jo Ann Stover

There is a great list of character education books here and it is organized by character trait.

About.com: http://www.monet.k12.ca.us/burbank/library/character_ed.htm