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Ok all through school I was told drinking was bad. Here and there my mom would let my have a sip of her wine but nothing crazy. Now that I am 19 my dad is always pushing my 18 year old brother and I to go out "have fun" but stay at that house ( as to not drive ). Beacuse were both going off to college this year he has been pushing that we sould get out there drink and do drugs, but at the same time not driving afterwards.
Now heres my problem, when ever were looking at college stuff together he always tells me that I am going to have so much fun drinking and experimenting and all that fun stuff. I've always been a nerd at heart, into manga ( japanesse cartoon novels ) painting models and playing video games. I never hung out with the cool kids so i never got into drinking or doing drugs and i have no intentions to. Even though I have told my dad this several times he wont back off about the topic. What can I do?
Ok all through school I was told drinking was bad. Here and there my mom would let my have a sip of her wine but nothing crazy. Now that I am 19 my dad is always pushing my 18 year old brother and I to go out "have fun" but stay at that house ( as to not drive ). Beacuse were both going off to college this year he has been pushing that we sould get out there drink and do drugs, but at the same time not driving afterwards.
Now heres my problem, when ever were looking at college stuff together he always tells me that I am going to have so much fun drinking and experimenting and all that fun stuff. I've always been a nerd at heart, into manga ( japanesse cartoon novels ) painting models and playing video games. I never hung out with the cool kids so i never got into drinking or doing drugs and i have no intentions to. Even though I have told my dad this several times he wont back off about the topic. What can I do?
There will be many opportunities to drink and use drugs when you go off. I think that you are smart enough to know what's right from wrong. It also seems that you have the right idea. Drinking and doing drugs isnt going to get you anywhere except drunk/stoned, raped, and hooked. Whether you want to believe it or not, I've never been drunk or stoned. Most of these "cool" people end up losers later in life. Don't let anyone influence you or get you to do things that are bad for you. Good luck and keep up the good work.
Your dad probably is re-living some memories when he was your age and wants you to have the "fun" he had. Just tell him that your idea of fun isn't the same as his. If he persists then you may have to tell him that you really don't want to talk about it anymore and to please respect your opinion.
If that doesn't work then maybe get a relative or friend of his to talk to him about how you are feeling uncomfortable with him bringing it up all the time.
Wow!! I have a feeling those drinking days were the best your dad had and now he wants to live it again through you. I had a friend growing up with the same situation but we were only 16. Her parents would have the friends over to drink and party "as long as nobody drove." Which usually meant that at least once a week she had a slumber party for all us girls and boys. Fast foward 15 years(((((( "I'm sad to say the last I heard my friend "Denise" had 4 kids, never been married, was addicted to meth, and lived in varies places. Her parents eventually divorced. I'm not saying you'll walk the same path but with dad cheering you on to party who"ll tell you when you had too much. You sound more mature than your dad stay strong and hold your ground. GOOD LUCK I'm sure you have a bright future in front of you.
Perhaps you dad is fearful that you'll let loose in college, without his guidance, and he's trying to somehow connect with you now . . . that's why he won't back off. He's probably thinking he'd rather have you experiment a little bit now while you're living at home, so he can help you and guide you through your initial experiences rather than send you off to college inexperienced. He's concerned about you driving under the influence, wants to make sure you'll never even consider it, and wants to be there for you if you need a ride home. When you're off at college he won't be able to be your safety net and that's somewhat disconcerting to a parent.
My kids are also into manga, computer games, videos, etc. and don't do drugs, smoke, or drink alcohol - thank God! I know I'm fearful about them going to college, getting in with the wrong crowd, caving in to peer pressure, etc. and I try to talk to them about these things whenever there's a window of opportunity. Your dad is probably doing the same thing.
Now, here's the part you probably don't want to hear. Eventhough you have no intention of getting into those things because you know they can mess up your life, sometimes it happens anyway. Anyone who is a parent has seen or heard about good kids getting into trouble when they go off to college and live on their own for the very first time. We pray that it won't be our kids, but life holds no guarantees. As a mom, this terrifies me!
I wish you well in college. You sound like you have a very good head on your shoulders and the fact that you asked the question leads me to believe that you'll make the right choices. Give your dad a break. He loves you and wants what's best for you. He's probably doing the best he can to connect with you and let you know that he'll love you and be there for you even if you make some bad choices.
KUDOS to you for taking a stand against those things rather than falling victim to alcohol and drugs! I hope all 4 of my kids are that smart! Peer pressure is extremely difficilt to cope with, but this kind of pressure from a parent really floors me! I can't even imagine me or my husband pushing our kids into that stuff . Even though the Bible says to Honor and obey your parents...that doesn't mean you are to honor and obey when they are telling you to do something WRONG! I'm afraid sooner or later you are simply just going to have to tell him to BACK OFF and that you are NOT intrested in screwing your life up!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Tell your father that you are there to get a good education (at his expense, maybe) not get wasted. As a 19 year old i get high on life not on drugs and alcohol. Stand firm with your father, he'll respect you for it.
From what you wrote, am I correct in thinking that your father is ACTIVELY ENCOURAGING you to get out there and drink/experiment with drugs???? If that is the case, then with all due respect to your father, I am somewhat surprised...He could be vicariously "reliving" his own college experiences through you and your brother, but that's still a rather dangerous thing to do.
I applaud you for standing firm and for not doing the whole drink and drug scene that is far too prevelant on college campuses these days...As the mother of a college student, I would never encourage my son to "get out there and party!" --Rather, I would underscore the fact that there are experiences out there during college that one needs to have a good head on their shoulders about; that moderation is key! Far too many kids began partying in college and ended up in rehabs later on in their later 20', 30's, etc....
--And I suspect that those who ended up in rehab were the lucky ones.
Stand firm in what you believe. (Remember: Dad isn't going to college WITH you, so what you do is your own well thought out, good-head-on-your-shoulders business!!!!)
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. Even though the Bible says to Honor and obey your parents...that doesn't mean you are to honor and obey when they are telling you to do something WRONG! I'm afraid sooner or later you are simply just going to have to tell him to BACK OFF and that you are NOT intrested in screwing your life up!
