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I would wonder why you're still paying her phone service, yes, you should shut off service and let her pay for it herself and you should be trying to get her out of the house not keep her in it. She's a grown up now and should start acting like one.
The law isn't going to see her as some little 13 year old kid pulling pranks, she's an adult committing crimes at this point.
jmo--It sounds like the OP now realizes that there needs to be some change.
It also sounds like her daughter needs to clarify her own values and become very informed on legal rights and responsibilities. One of life's most difficult lessons can be realizing that those you considered friends can sometimes be less capable of making good decisions than you are.
Sometimes you have to 'walk alone' and that would be the 'big lesson' that I would want my daughter to learn from this.
They were out and about it came up as an idea. She DID stay in the car while one of the boys did this, no one was up there to watch what he did. Someone said that she could have told them no, how many people here think a bunch of teenagers are going to listen to someone close to their age when they say no? I guarantee she would not have been listened to if she had said something.
My children speak up and say no to their friends and acquaintances all the time. Often, others listen. It sometimes just takes one voice of reason to calm everyone down. People should have the courage to take a stand against wrongs and injustice---especially adults.
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Originally Posted by Momma-To-Two
Someone also said she could have gotten out of the car and walked off.
I did mention it was pouring rain that night. There was severe flooding in the town, 5ft of swiftly moving water in many places. It's not like she could have gotten out of the car and walked a mile back to the house in the pouring rain.
A 20 year old adult most certainly can walk a mile home in the pouring rain! I don't care that there was severe flooding with 5 feet of water in many places. Cars are just as dangerous as walking in those types of flooding situations. At least walking, she would be relying on her own instincts instead of the instincts of the driver who clearly has no good common sense since he was involved in the dangerous prank.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma-To-Two
they went and did this because this guy has hurt them all and the boy who went and did it made the most mistakes.
Teach your daughter the legal ways to take action against people who hurt her.
I am surprised that no one has mentioned that since the others involved were 'teenagers', the daughter could very easily be charged with contributing to the diliquency of a minor, simply for NOT stopping them from doing it.
And there seems to be a severe lack of discussion about what punishment the OP's son received for being involved as well. (If I read it right it was 20-yr-old daughter, ?-yr old friend, teen son and his friends.)
I am surprised that no one has mentioned that since the others involved were 'teenagers', the daughter could very easily be charged with contributing to the diliquency of a minor, simply for NOT stopping them from doing it.
And there seems to be a severe lack of discussion about what punishment the OP's son received for being involved as well. (If I read it right it was 20-yr-old daughter, ?-yr old friend, teen son and his friends.)
I don't recall all the details. I would say that the OP has a lot on her plate, as many parents do.
'Peer Pressure' seems to be a big factor. I know I would do whatever I could to make certain that my kids were as informed as they could be on every aspect of 'Crime and Punishment'.
With all that seems to be going on these days the courts have to 'tighten the reins'. Just stay away from anything that might lead to trouble.
I personally doubt that the young woman would/could be charged with 'contributing to the delinquency of a minor'--it's possible. More than likely the 'boy' that did the deed could have gotten a lot charges--even felonies? --if there were ethnic differences, in some areas this might even be viewed as a 'hate' crime. There is no end to the possibilities.
If you have friends that think throwing fireworks at someone's home is a prank that should be enough of a message that they aren't concerned about your safety or well-being or their own. Get as far away from friends like that as you can.
As well as contribute some money towards the repairs, that I will collect from them all and leave anonymously at the boys house.
So basically I am going to make her pay for her own stuff and get her in the right steps to leaving since she can if she wanted to.
hurt them all and the boy who went and did it made the most mistakes.
Have HER take the money. YOU were not there. You didn't do anything. It is HER responsibility even if she does it anonymously. She should take responsibility collecting the money (Even if it is only her share) and taking it to the people that own the house.
I always struggle when I need to think of a punishment for doing something that I did often as a kid. I would probably make her buy a new door and then go there and instal it. I would ask her firends parents to make them do the same. The 19 yo I would just browbeat into coming along. OUr kids and thier frinds hang out at our house a lot. Even if they do nto live with their parents, most of them can be compelled to do somthing that they know is right.
I always struggle when I need to think of a punishment for doing something that I did often as a kid. I would probably make her buy a new door and then go there and instal it. I would ask her firends parents to make them do the same. The 19 yo I would just browbeat into coming along. OUr kids and thier frinds hang out at our house a lot. Even if they do nto live with their parents, most of them can be compelled to do somthing that they know is right.
Such an experience would be good for the kids, jmo--but I know I would consult an attorney prior to doing this since the police were involved.
You would have to be prepared for legal consequences--for two kids.
It's a tough sort of situation. After all that my family went through with my brother I don't know--my father had had a heart attack and then a stroke and it was a difficult time.
You sound like one of the great dads or moms--kids really need that sort of guidance.
And another thing, why is she still living in your home and you don't have a curfew for her? 20 yrs old our not, she still should be living under some rules if she wants to live at home. At 20 she should be out on her own already
And another thing, why is she still living in your home and you don't have a curfew for her? 20 yrs old our not, she still should be living under some rules if she wants to live at home. At 20 she should be out on her own already
The brother is also involved--so that will be twice the legal expenses and twice the complications.
Maybe that is the 'most perfect' solution but now it seems the matter has been dropped--sometimes such a reality check is sufficient--sometimes not.
I'd be concerned that someone else in the community might offer additional FYI and there could be civil and criminal legal action. I would certainly want the advice of a good attorney with expertise in both areas.
As for 'a 20 yr old should be living out on her own'---maybe she shouldn't.
Each and every family situation is different--so difficult to judge in Black and White without additional information. That's just me. My parents did the best they could which was not AT ALL what my aunt thought was Right. She made a few mistakes herself but no one mentions that.
I hope all involved in this will think very seriously about priorities and long remember than even one wrong choice can affect not only themselves but many other people. Visiting burn victims or doing something for families that don't have homes would be on my list of followup activities.
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