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I have always liked time alone. I grew up in a large family and never had my own bedroom or any privacy. My husband was an only child and he said he does not like to be by himself. He can't understand why I would want time alone. He takes it personally (says he didn't know he was such a hindrance)and I haven't been able to explain why alone time is okay or why I want it. Can someone help me with an explanation so that I don't hurt his feelings, and help him understand that this need is perfectly normal and lots of people feel the same.
Needing privacy and alone-time is such a personal preference, you really should not feel the need to justify it. I don't believe it has anything to do with being an only child or not. I am an only child and, completely opposite from your husband, I would go stark staring mad if I could not have as much privacy and alone time as I need (and I need a lot of it, because I grew up always having access to my own private space and time alone). It happens to be one of the most important needs of life to me.
By contrast, one of my best friends comes from a large family and is the exact opposite of me: She truly can't understand how I can "cope" with living alone, and says she would "die of loneliness" without family and/or other people around her most of the time. She doesn't understand that living on my own is a preference, not a punishment.
Some people simply need time alone, in peace and quiet or just doing something completely on one's own without any interruptions or oversight, in order to "decompress" and relax. There's no personal insult to anyone else -- or to the rest of the world! -- involved.
Perhaps you could explain it to your husband in terms of a basic individual need: Some people need at least 8 hours of sleep in order to function properly, others only need 4 hours a night. Some people need to drink more water than others, otherwise they'll get headaches. And, some people crave chocolate while others hate the taste of it!
I know just what you mean: I grew up with 2 siblings and love to have alone time...my cousin is an only child and she hates to be alone. If your husband goes out with friends, goes to the gym, be sure to utilize that as alone time. Otherwise, I think all you can do is reassure your husband that you love him and love spending time with him, but that quiet, alone time to do what relaxes you, helps you de-stress, process your thoughts, and feel more peaceful. Be sure to make a point to also spend one on one time with him.
This works for me.. My husband likes to watch the Military channel or the History Channel at night after the kids have gone down... I just cuddle up on the couch next to him with a glass of wine and one of my girly books... I actually wind up tuning the tv, him and everything around me out, cuz I get sooo into the book.
From his perspective even though I am reading a book, I am still spending time "with him" cuz he is watching what he wants on TV... so I just make it my down/quiet time... but if I really really need away time, I hit the bubble bath on the nights he works late.
I hear ya though, I had 4 brothers and 2 bossy sisters as a kid, and nothing was worse then just wanting a few minutes in my/our room without someone barging in.. the closet or attic became my quiet place back then.
i think its only natural, anyone, would want some quiet time, or time for themselves, this is also a sign of a healthy relationship...meaning the other spouse isnt threatened by what you do with that time,,, respects, your wants, and, mostly, isnt controlling of every single minute of your time.
i enjoy my time alone,,my time to "defragment"
I was an only child, and I LOVE my space / alone time. I actually need it because I'm very high strung, and the only way that I can relax is to be by myself for a time each and every day so that I can maintain a sense of peace and emotional stability. There is something really disturbing for me about never being able to be alone and always having to carry on a conversation with someone or monitor every action or word I say. Perhaps you can offer to him that you just need quiet time. There is something really very grounding and peaceful about being able to be silent. Silence really is golden!
I have always liked time alone. I grew up in a large family and never had my own bedroom or any privacy. My husband was an only child and he said he does not like to be by himself. He can't understand why I would want time alone. He takes it personally (says he didn't know he was such a hindrance)and I haven't been able to explain why alone time is okay or why I want it. Can someone help me with an explanation so that I don't hurt his feelings, and help him understand that this need is perfectly normal and lots of people feel the same.
Can someone help me with an explanation so that I don't hurt his feelings, and help him understand that this need is perfectly normal and lots of people feel the same.
here's a surefire answer, tell him you have pms, if you are with him any longer, you'll scratch his eyes out, so, out of love for him, you are going to leave for a while.
I've been introverted all of my life, and wouldn't you know that when I got married, I chose an extrovert? He couldn't understand why, after we had been at a party for six hours, I "suddenly" wanted to leave! Lots of people exhaust me; they invigorated him. I'm sure this is only one reason out of many that our marriage only lasted six years!
Even going to the mall longer than for a couple of hours tends to exhaust me. I just can't take too much visual and aural stimulation. Alone does not always mean lonely.
You might try telling him that the downtime alone helps you recharge your batteries so that you end up being a much happier wife for him to be around! He'll reap the benefits of your serenity, after all!
Location: Georgia.I rather be in GODS country Tennessee.Everybody knows Gods a VOLS fan.
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I need some alone time right now.Could everyone please leave City Data?
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