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DH and I recently went to a restaurant in SC where the male waiter only spoke to him. A female waiter had taken the orders and spoke to both of us, but he came by to ask about how the food was done and thank us at the end of the meal. Both times he only looked and spoke to my husband.
My husband and I both noticed and it was a bit weird. Any thoughts on what we thought was strange behavior?
This is a throwback to the days when women, for better or worse, were idealized and treated as if they were delicate flowers who required men to act as their caretakers and guardians. It used to be the proper thing for males to order for their female companions. The gentleman would give his order and then add, "the lady will have...." I suppose this is so that the delicate flower would not have to lower herself to anything so crass as actually speaking with a mere waiter. I'm surprised that restaurants today would still do this, but perhaps your waiter was old school, or perhaps some restaurants in the Old South still observe this charming, but antiquated custom.
I live in SC and I've never had that happen but I suppose it's like BayArea said, just an old antiquated custom where they treat the man as the head - guess they see women as wanting to be spoken for. It would ruffle my feathers for sure.
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
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I have friends that the husband ALWAYS orders for her....ir is weird...she has no interaction with the restaurant waiter....he does all the talking...he will even cut her off if she wants a second glass of wine...
DH and I recently went to a restaurant in SC where the male waiter only spoke to him. A female waiter had taken the orders and spoke to both of us, but he came by to ask about how the food was done and thank us at the end of the meal. Both times he only looked and spoke to my husband.
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My husband and I both noticed and it was a bit weird. Any thoughts on what we thought was strange behavior?
I have encountered this type of (to me) bizarre behavior while vacationing in the South--I would ask a male storekeeper or a handyman a question, and if my husband was standing next to me, they would invariably direct the answer to him, not me. If I said something in response to what they said, they would again turn to my husband and address him. It was like being in the Twilight Zone. I hated it.
But if my husband wasn't there, that same person would address me. So bizarre.
I've never had a waiter look only at my husband or escort, even if he spoke only to him. The waiter looks at me for affirmation or clarification. The waiter also asks me if I would care for more wine or another drink. If the waiter asks if either of us would care for dessert and we haven't decided, he may be looking at the man, but I'm free to speak and I do.
I have friends that the husband ALWAYS orders for her....ir is weird...she has no interaction with the restaurant waiter....he does all the talking...he will even cut her off if she wants a second glass of wine...
Guess its not so uncommon as I thought it might be. I could do without the wine though, yuk.
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I'm surprised that restaurants today would still do this, but perhaps your waiter was old school, or perhaps some restaurants in the Old South still observe this charming, but antiquated custom.
