01-17-2011, 06:58 AM
Location: Charlotte county, Florida
4,196 posts, read
6,430,148 times
Reputation: 12287
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
01-17-2011, 07:07 AM
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read
11,732,783 times
Reputation: 19541
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Caligula1
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
OMG!! I LOVE these.....hehe....too many favorites to list!
01-17-2011, 07:19 AM
Location: Orlando, Florida
43,854 posts, read
51,245,736 times
Reputation: 58749
Funny how much these saying can make sense.....but society no longer does.
01-17-2011, 08:01 AM
24,118 posts, read
10,149,933 times
Reputation: 61066
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Caligula1
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'
My kids ask me this all the time!
Great ones!
01-17-2011, 08:31 AM
Location: Where the sun likes to shine!!
20,548 posts, read
30,415,796 times
Reputation: 88951
Love it. Thanks for sharing
01-17-2011, 01:07 PM
Location: Texas
15,891 posts, read
18,345,867 times
Reputation: 62767
Thanks for the chuckles and the groans. heeheehee
01-17-2011, 01:10 PM
Location: South Central Texas
114,838 posts, read
65,892,576 times
Reputation: 166935
Funny stuff thanks!!
01-17-2011, 05:43 PM
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
6,489 posts, read
7,186,872 times
Reputation: 29855
I read this and caught myself with a smile, thanks!
01-17-2011, 06:29 PM
7,507 posts, read
4,402,957 times
Reputation: 3925
01-17-2011, 08:07 PM
Location: Covington County, Alabama
259,024 posts, read
90,679,200 times
Reputation: 138568
Maybe knowing all this will make me sleep better tonight.
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