Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'll bite. "Pressure and Control" -- Not going to take your opinion. I'm not one to throw out arguments based on sweeping generalizations of an entire population..instead i'll leave you with this.
If you're respectful to most North Carolinian, you will receive respect in return. But don't be surprised if you come in and try to start changing or complaining about the state. This isn't because NC is a bunch of dumb ol' southuna's, it's because humans are naturally resistant to change. It's been researched, studied and proven. I'd provide scholarly articles but every link I post gets removed...If you go up to Brooklyn and say "this Pizza is no good, NC Pizza is a lot better" -- They're going to be rude to you. If we take our southern ideals up to Alaska and try to fit in- we might be laughed out of town. Same with many other parts of the country.
It's not about being tolerant, or progressive, or conservative or anything like that... it's just human nature to he resist change (if you're progressive, the change already exists in your heads-- you've accepted it. It would be against human nature to reverse it).
I'll leave with this. Many will follow the golden rule. You're nice to them, they're nice to you. But you're still guaranteed to find rude people everywhere even if you're as nice as can be.
Stand offish … may be thats a better word, like everyone is sizing me up.
I also notice this same think in Louisiana …. and Texas, not so much in Arizona and Florida.
Hey may be its the sun
Moved here in June of last year to the Triangle. I haven't had a single rude encounter. Quite the contrary. My wife and I refer to the area as,"Mayberry." It's freaking insane how nice and outgoing people are here... tremendously overwhelming.
You also make a disturbing sum of generalizations. So long as you do so, I wouldn't be shocked that you maintain a negative perception of the place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by veganwriter
I love it the way people here in the Greensboro area like to blame everything on, "outsiders" ... as if everyone was all happy and singing songs before they open up the borders to "them intruders."
What a crock.
This is "da dirty South."
Home of lynchings, hot seat of Confederate racism, and Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome at its finest.
So HOW did "outsiders" get to be the "trouble makers"??
I've had people I have never met, do not know, come up to me and make all sorts of overtly insulting assumptions. But they're not wrong... it's the "Intruders fault."
What I'm really seeing is a lot of old anger afraid of being disturbed.
It's not just here in North Carolina ... or South Carolina, or Florida, or New Jersey (why does everyone always say, "New Jersey"?? I haven't met one person from New Jersey yet .. a lot of New Yorkers ... but this is the Eastern Seaboard...) it's most places in the world these days. Modernity. The spin doctors keep telling people their paycheck is so slim because their neighbor is on welfare. Really. So they send more millionaires to congress .. and are shocked when ... their paycheck gets even smaller! Somebody has to be blamed ... why not these well-heeled retirees that don't have to work and keep coming in the door grinning??
I'm also seeing a LOT of Passive Aggression.
One idiot can get mad at you for not kissing is dusty behind, and start gossiping and start a whole "Ratchet" ball rolling. It seems to be a long, tried and true part of the place. People just want to put their anger off on someone else (haters) and then laugh when they see you angry. It's like returning to the 5th grade.
"Pressure and Control"
There seems to be a resistance to thinking ... better to take someone else's opinion.
Anytime you're in a place where a good segment of the population is still fighting a war that ended a couple of centuries ago, you know it's not going to be all enlightenment and love.
But there's a lot of really sweet, good people here too.
One family born and raised for generations put it to me like this when I said it seemed like a 50/50 split between the good and bad.
He drew on his cigarette deeply, winked, and said... "It's more like 40% good and 60% bad. The bad folks are winning.
Even in this place of beauty.
It's not just here... we just get surprised because people smile and tell you there's nothing but Southern Hospitality here. They don't tell you about the envy, jealousy, negativity and the frustration just waiting to hang it's hat on anyone they can scapegoat.
Closed system.
Just carve out your happiness and eventually some will show you their real side, and others will just keep pissing each other off ... and blaming it on dem Yankees and foreigners!
Mind if I ask your geographic background? Previous locales, time spent here, etc? Just kind of shocked at your response.
I love it the way people here in the Greensboro area like to blame everything on, "outsiders" ... as if everyone was all happy and singing songs before they open up the borders to "them intruders."
What a crock.
This is "da dirty South."
Home of lynchings, hot seat of Confederate racism, and Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome at its finest.
So HOW did "outsiders" get to be the "trouble makers"??
I've had people I have never met, do not know, come up to me and make all sorts of overtly insulting assumptions. But they're not wrong... it's the "Intruders fault."
What I'm really seeing is a lot of old anger afraid of being disturbed.
It's not just here in North Carolina ... or South Carolina, or Florida, or New Jersey (why does everyone always say, "New Jersey"?? I haven't met one person from New Jersey yet .. a lot of New Yorkers ... but this is the Eastern Seaboard...) it's most places in the world these days. Modernity. The spin doctors keep telling people their paycheck is so slim because their neighbor is on welfare. Really. So they send more millionaires to congress .. and are shocked when ... their paycheck gets even smaller! Somebody has to be blamed ... why not these well-heeled retirees that don't have to work and keep coming in the door grinning??
I'm also seeing a LOT of Passive Aggression.
One idiot can get mad at you for not kissing is dusty behind, and start gossiping and start a whole "Ratchet" ball rolling. It seems to be a long, tried and true part of the place. People just want to put their anger off on someone else (haters) and then laugh when they see you angry. It's like returning to the 5th grade.
"Pressure and Control"
There seems to be a resistance to thinking ... better to take someone else's opinion.
Anytime you're in a place where a good segment of the population is still fighting a war that ended a couple of centuries ago, you know it's not going to be all enlightenment and love.
But there's a lot of really sweet, good people here too.
One family born and raised for generations put it to me like this when I said it seemed like a 50/50 split between the good and bad.
He drew on his cigarette deeply, winked, and said... "It's more like 40% good and 60% bad. The bad folks are winning.
Even in this place of beauty.
It's not just here... we just get surprised because people smile and tell you there's nothing but Southern Hospitality here. They don't tell you about the envy, jealousy, negativity and the frustration just waiting to hang it's hat on anyone they can scapegoat.
Closed system.
Just carve out your happiness and eventually some will show you their real side, and others will just keep pissing each other off ... and blaming it on dem Yankees and foreigners!
There's so much about this post that is just off the mark. I don't have nearly enough time to go through it.
I do know there is no "Post Slavery Syndrome". I also know my home is neither dirty, nor is it racist. I have worked my entire life against racism and poverty, among other things. Thanks for the insults. It's no wonder you think you are in a "closed system". If you feel like you are pressured or controlled because you moved to Greensboro please seek help.
I'll bite. "Pressure and Control" -- Not going to take your opinion. I'm not one to throw out arguments based on sweeping generalizations of an entire population..instead i'll leave you with this.
If you're respectful to most North Carolinian, you will receive respect in return. But don't be surprised if you come in and try to start changing or complaining about the state. This isn't because NC is a bunch of dumb ol' southuna's, it's because humans are naturally resistant to change. It's been researched, studied and proven. I'd provide scholarly articles but every link I post gets removed...If you go up to Brooklyn and say "this Pizza is no good, NC Pizza is a lot better" -- They're going to be rude to you. If we take our southern ideals up to Alaska and try to fit in- we might be laughed out of town. Same with many other parts of the country.
It's not about being tolerant, or progressive, or conservative or anything like that... it's just human nature to he resist change (if you're progressive, the change already exists in your heads-- you've accepted it. It would be against human nature to reverse it).
I'll leave with this. Many will follow the golden rule. You're nice to them, they're nice to you. But you're still guaranteed to find rude people everywhere even if you're as nice as can be.
The very things you are complaining about is common courtesy, not rudeness, in my opinion.
Seems like you have a problem with those trying to be nice.....??
Thats interesting, calling it common courtesy and not rudeness … lacking courtesy can be considered rude can't it? Rude does not always mean someone cussing and insulting you .. for example an lady just yesterday entered the parking lot lane going the wrong way and blocked several other drivers so she could grab a space someone was backing out of … did not even acknowledge the other drives or the fact she was blocking them. That to me was very rude …
I love it the way people here in the Greensboro area like to blame everything on, "outsiders" ... as if everyone was all happy and singing songs before they open up the borders to "them intruders."
What a crock.
This is "da dirty South."
Home of lynchings, hot seat of Confederate racism, and Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome at its finest.
So HOW did "outsiders" get to be the "trouble makers"??
I've had people I have never met, do not know, come up to me and make all sorts of overtly insulting assumptions. But they're not wrong... it's the "Intruders fault."
What I'm really seeing is a lot of old anger afraid of being disturbed.
It's not just here in North Carolina ... or South Carolina, or Florida, or New Jersey (why does everyone always say, "New Jersey"?? I haven't met one person from New Jersey yet .. a lot of New Yorkers ... but this is the Eastern Seaboard...) it's most places in the world these days. Modernity. The spin doctors keep telling people their paycheck is so slim because their neighbor is on welfare. Really. So they send more millionaires to congress .. and are shocked when ... their paycheck gets even smaller! Somebody has to be blamed ... why not these well-heeled retirees that don't have to work and keep coming in the door grinning??
I'm also seeing a LOT of Passive Aggression.
One idiot can get mad at you for not kissing is dusty behind, and start gossiping and start a whole "Ratchet" ball rolling. It seems to be a long, tried and true part of the place. People just want to put their anger off on someone else (haters) and then laugh when they see you angry. It's like returning to the 5th grade.
"Pressure and Control"
There seems to be a resistance to thinking ... better to take someone else's opinion.
Anytime you're in a place where a good segment of the population is still fighting a war that ended a couple of centuries ago, you know it's not going to be all enlightenment and love.
But there's a lot of really sweet, good people here too.
One family born and raised for generations put it to me like this when I said it seemed like a 50/50 split between the good and bad.
He drew on his cigarette deeply, winked, and said... "It's more like 40% good and 60% bad. The bad folks are winning.
Even in this place of beauty.
It's not just here... we just get surprised because people smile and tell you there's nothing but Southern Hospitality here. They don't tell you about the envy, jealousy, negativity and the frustration just waiting to hang it's hat on anyone they can scapegoat.
Closed system.
Just carve out your happiness and eventually some will show you their real side, and others will just keep pissing each other off ... and blaming it on dem Yankees and foreigners!
My friends who moved there many years ago did tell me that it is very hard to get "inside" that he was the guy on the "outside" for a long time. He said it is very cliquish there but once he was accepted as a "local" people opened up and it was different, but that if I was going to move to NC I should expect a lot of platitudes and over the shoulder looks for a few years at least.
Where I live now, people are from everywhere … we are always in a flux of change and that OK and good as a matter of fact, since change is good
Moved here in June of last year to the Triangle. I haven't had a single rude encounter. Quite the contrary. My wife and I refer to the area as,"Mayberry." It's freaking insane how nice and outgoing people are here... tremendously overwhelming.
You also make a disturbing sum of generalizations. So long as you do so, I wouldn't be shocked that you maintain a negative perception of the place.
Mind if I ask your geographic background? Previous locales, time spent here, etc? Just kind of shocked at your response.
Is pointing out things common in a given culture a generalization?
I was told that NC people like to chat, for example in a public situation and often holding holding up a line. Is that true, does that happen frequently ?
Thats interesting, calling it common courtesy and not rudeness … lacking courtesy can be considered rude can't it? Rude does not always mean someone cussing and insulting you .. for example an lady just yesterday entered the parking lot lane going the wrong way and blocked several other drivers so she could grab a space someone was backing out of … did not even acknowledge the other drives or the fact she was blocking them. That to me was very rude …
Why can't you multi-quote a message instead of making 5 new posts?
That is very rude to me.
I guess it's just how people do it on the part of the internet where you're from. On the side of the internet where I came up, we didn't make 5 new posts. We just used the multi-quote button to the left of the quote button.
I'll never understand why people are so rude and feel the need to segregate replies to multiple posts into individual posts as opposed to a singular multi-quoted post.
Just rude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by staggshenry
Is pointing out things common in a given culture a generalization?
At the very least, this is gross oversimplification, and ignores the behaviors of individuals. Or in your limited sample size applies the context of one chance meeting as if it were commonplace. Your sample size is statistically invalid for the pattern of rudeness you claim to have experienced.
Quote:
Originally Posted by staggshenry
I was told that NC people like to chat, for example in a public situation and often holding holding up a line. Is that true, does that happen frequently ?
Maybe you're rude for being so impatient and not politely waiting in line and appreciating that these two folks were just catching up. Welcome to the South... I've been all over the country, and this crap could and has happened to me in any locale. Even in Manhattan, NY, I have experienced such things. I was trying to buy a pair of Pumas and had to wait while the sales girl caught up with a friend and chatted about what they were going to do that night. I could whine and complain about it, or just give them the time they needed to finish their conversation and not hold it against the girl for handling her business while on the clock to do business with me.
It sounds to me like you're hyper-sensitve and burdening yourself with unreasonable expectations of the people around you. If you approach people in reality the way you've approached this subject, I can see why everyone else thinks you're rude.
Thats interesting, calling it common courtesy and not rudeness … lacking courtesy can be considered rude can't it? Rude does not always mean someone cussing and insulting you .. for example an lady just yesterday entered the parking lot lane going the wrong way and blocked several other drivers so she could grab a space someone was backing out of … did not even acknowledge the other drives or the fact she was blocking them. That to me was very rude …
The incident you describe sounds more like ignorance than rudeness. I was making a statement, in my opinion, that letting a car pull out in front of you or waiting for someone to finish a conversation is just being courteous. I left NY because of people not being courteous or thinking that being courteous is rude (whichever suits you) and have become such a better person since living here. I embrace the slower pace, the casual conversation in the post office or the courtesy on the road. I appreciate the friendliness, the politeness, the culture and everything about my new home. I've accepted things are different than what I am used to (including the pizza ) and have come to expect that everyone should be as hospitable and kind. Sure, you will find a rude person now and again but I've learned to smile instead of getting aggravated. My only regret? That I didn't move here sooner. Take a breath and don't let things so trivial as a parking space get the best of you and please don't bash the rest of us for doing what we think is right.
The OP hasn't given us much to go on. Someone chatting with a friend at the Postal counter does not seem rude to me. It does appear that you may have been impatient in that situation. You don't really describe the amount of time you spent waiting. You don't say how many people were in the line. If it was more than 10 minutes, you may have a case to say that was inconsiderate. Most businesses (even here in the south), a clerk could get fired for holding up a line talking to a friend.
Some people drive under the speed limit, some drive over and will tailgate you for no reason. That's the case almost everywhere you go. It's not just a "Southern" thing because most southerners don't like being behind a slow car or a tractor. And we sure don't like someone tailgating behind us.
It may be the way you are approaching the situation, or even the way that you look at a person while you're talking to the people you're interacting with. You've heard from other friends and family that "those people are rude". Maybe you've gone into your interactions with a feeling that "those" people will not accept you and automatically don't like you. Then you become defensive as a result.
If you invited me to your home and the first thing that I ask is "Why does your house look so old and dumb looking?", Wouldn't you be defensive about it? You're coming to a forum of people that are from here or moved here (and love it.) and you're asking why we are terrible people. I don't know anyone in their right mind that wouldn't be defensive about that. It comes across an insult.
It is true that people will talk a bit down here. In some small towns, people will stop in the middle of the street and talk to a friend for a few minutes. The other drivers simply drive around, not really affected by it. Some of them might even slow down and roll down their windows to yell something silly at the people in the street. Those people finish their conversation, or move out of the street, and the world keeps on spinning. The cars keep on driving, and everything just works out.
I would like to ask for more details and more situations that would make you think that people in NC are rude.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) and have come to expect that everyone should be as hospitable and kind. Sure, you will find a rude person now and again but I've learned to smile instead of getting aggravated. My only regret? That I didn't move here sooner. Take a breath and don't let things so trivial as a parking space get the best of you and please don't bash the rest of us for doing what we think is right.
