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When you live in a small town you need to establish a network. You can do it thought work, church, or volunteering. Going out once a week to eat or to a movie is good. Be spontaneous, too. There is not law that says you can't picnic in winter, or rent a motel room for the night and picnic. Sameness and routine cause a lot of the misgivings about living far away. It is different when you are old and not able to do the things you wish you could do.
Seriously- the siblings are closer than 2.5 hours away? That's an easy weekend visit. (I've visited relatives that live 3.5 hours away in a day trip occasionally.)
I know it's not ideal to spend that much time in the car- but if the OP is that sad about it, it can be done.
OP- keep your chin up. I moved 21 hours away from my parents and thought it was horrible...until I realized that the distance makes you pack so much more meaning into every visit. When we lived closer it was easy to take it for granted.
My husband points out that if we were to move back to my family's homestead and be mortgage-free and have instant contacts, it would create as many problems as it would solve, and intellectually I know he's right. I've learned that even a positively anticipated change can bring on a lot of stress, such as when we moved to the States, the upheaval and reverse culture shock triggered very unsettling anxiety attacks in me, and resulted in ER visits, counseling, and an anti-depressant treatment.
But in my heart I still feel like we're only taking advantage of the fringe benefits where we live now, I feel like we're just existing here, that it's not really home. I'm afraid that we might always feel like outsiders. Many coworkers have left the area for better jobs just as we were getting to know them as friends. I feel like I'm starting to accept insecurity and loneliness as "normal" because that's the price you pay for going after opportunities and expanding your horizons.
I guess the core of the issue is that just when I finished going through the stress necessary to achieve a difficult state of independence, suddenly the "rules" changed, and it's no longer considered pathetic for people of any age to live with relatives. In other words, "you mean I didn't have to leave the nest after all??"
I'm not looking for an easy answer, but I am looking to hear from others who have had the same emotional dilemma and am curious to know what you finally decided to do.
Forgive me for skipping the sentiment and proceeding directly to the practical.
I would be closer if I were you. Otherwise, when your dad dies, your brother is going to think he is entitled to EVERYTHING, including your portion of the homestead. You need to ASSERT your claim in the family property NOW and my thoughts are that you cannot do that being 2 hours away. (By the way, I'd make DARN sure your dad had a good, up to date will, if I were you - spelling everything out in detail, otherwise you are going to have the fight of your life on your hands when he goes.)
Your husband should be your family. You really should not need anyone else, JMHO of course.
Home is where you are, not necessarily where other family is. If you concentrate on fully immersing yourself in and enjoying where you are, thge rest will take on much less importance.
Both my father and I had military careers and we were usually "somewhere else" when it came to extended family. In some cases we found that we all got along better that way.
My wife and I retired and recently moved 2,000 miles from where we were living. Between us we have seven children and nine grandchildren. We now live 700 miles from the closest child, in-law and grandchild. Another grandchild is 1,000 miles away and the remaining six children and seven grandchildren live where or close to what we left. We all stay in touch. They all know our home is always open to them and we spent a lovelyu Thanksgiving with the closest.
Distance doesn't have to mean separation or even isolation It's what you and your husband make of it and the two of you should be your primary focus.
I can understand the OP's dilemma. I live 2500 miles from Parents and SIbling and am looking forward to moving back eventually. Has nothing to do with outgrowing them when u love people u love them and phones and email just dont fully cut it. My best friend just lost his mom over the summer at age 50 and I would hate to get that call and have to catch a 6 hour flight from LA to NYC. However the major problem for the OP is this, she sounds like she fell into the American Dream of having to be a homeowner no matter how inconveinant the mortgage is. People dog on renting, but when ur ready to go U just pack up and go without trying to find a buyer.
I think that if you built a life where you are instead of longing to live the way your co-workers do, you'd be happier. You seem to think that because your co-workers have their families over and visit, you should, too. There is no rule that says we all have to live the same life. I moved 1700 miles away from my family so I wouldn't have to see them so much.
If you really think you'll be happier living near your family, make it a point to go visit your family. Pick one to visit every weekend. If the visits go well, then you may want to move closer. I suspect that you maybe romanticizing a bit, but the visits will tell you for sure.
Home is where you are, not necessarily where other family is. If you concentrate on fully immersing yourself in and enjoying where you are, thge rest will take on much less importance.
Both my father and I had military careers and we were usually "somewhere else" when it came to extended family. In some cases we found that we all got along better that way.
My wife and I retired and recently moved 2,000 miles from where we were living. Between us we have seven children and nine grandchildren. We now live 700 miles from the closest child, in-law and grandchild. Another grandchild is 1,000 miles away and the remaining six children and seven grandchildren live where or close to what we left. We all stay in touch. They all know our home is always open to them and we spent a lovelyu Thanksgiving with the closest.
Distance doesn't have to mean separation or even isolation It's what you and your husband make of it and the two of you should be your primary focus.
Yes! You are your own family now!
For every great thing you are missing there's something awful you don't have to do! Think about this.
2.5 hours is really just about right. If you want to see them, you can. If you don't want to see them, you have a great excuse!
I currently live four hours away by car. For several years I was a 6 hour flight away...not including remote assignments where I was a 14 hour flight away from ANY family or friends for up to a year.
Instead of getting easier it's getting more difficult. I find myself missing the steady company of family and friends as I get older. Being able to just meet up or invite them over for a few hours. Or make plans to go out. Much of my time away I've felt isolated, yet my initial move was the right move to make at the time. I'm torn as to whether I want to move and retire closer to "home" to be closer to loved ones or pursue more personal preferences elsewhere.
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