How to help a friend? (wife, person, dynamics, college)
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I need some input on how best to respond to a friend whom I think is going through some difficult times. That's the problem -- it seems like he is, from little things he's told me, but he hasn't told me the whole story. That's why I'm not sure what to do.
His business has been having a hard time over the past several years and he's had to scale it back quite a bit. It's at the point now where there's just a skeleton crew and he really can't cut anymore. Meanwhile, he's got a couple of kids in college, another one with a kid who can't make it on her own, and a wife who doesn't work. He's supporting them all somehow. (I really can't stand his wife -- she's one of those women who belongs to all of the social clubs, lives a life of leisure and likes to put on airs. He's not like that at all.) I've volunteered to help him out in the office when needed and he's appreciated that very much.
My friend is generous to a fault, always doing things for others. He would find it difficult to admit that things are going badly and he needed help. I'm worried about him. He's seemed depressed lately. I was out with a mutual friend today and she said she saw him last week and he "wasn't all there."
I'm supposed to have lunch with him later this week and I'm trying to decide what to do. Should I ask him very directly about what's going on or say nothing? Should I volunteer to help out more often and just try to be supportive without asking questions? Or do I take the bull by the horns, tell him I've noticed he's seemed down, and tell him I'll help him with whatever I can? I'm worried about him.
Making yourself available and letting him know you're there is the best thing to do. If you get all intervention-y with him, he might get defensive. jmo.
I think it's fine to tell him that you've noticed he seems down, and that you are concerned. Let him take it from there. It's fine to offer support but ...
It should go without saying, don't offer money, a loan - no. Keep you pocketbook closed. !!
These are hard times many people are loosing their businesses, homes, etc. It's sad.
Best wishes to you and your friend.
The way I see it is that his problems are financial and there's nothing much you can do about it. Besides, the majority of men don't like admitting to such problems or being pitied because of them. If you plan on going into his wife's (or daughter's) not working or overspending, that's already meddling in his family affairs and it's certainly not advisable. I'd keep my mouth shut unless he brings something up.
Making yourself available and letting him know you're there is the best thing to do. If you get all intervention-y with him, he might get defensive. jmo.
Yeah, I agree. Make it clear that you are here, if he needs to vent, advice, etc. Good luck!
Tell him you've noticed he's been down and are there for him; simple and to the point...without intruding on anything (some people don't like that) but yet, letting him know you care.
Yeah, I'd never get into the family dynamics or personal stuff. Not my place! But y'all are right -- maybe just a word of concern and expression of support is best.
Lots of people are having difficulties these days and it's tough.
I say "take the bull by the horns." U can't help if u don't know what the problem is. U can't make him tell u either. I would definitely ask and be as supportive as I could, but with balance not just with emotion or heart. I hope things go well for u and ur friend.
I think it helps more if women are still willing to be our friends with benefits, regardless of any other relationship considerations.
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