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This is so true. I went through a divorce and moved back to the city where I grew up. I summoned up the nerve one afternoon AND WENT TO THE MOVIES BY MYSELF.
It sounds ridiculous, but that was a turning point, a major step for me. I could easily eat at a restaurant anywhere by myself - coffee shop or fancy restaurant, but there was something about going to the movies alone that freaked me out.
However, I did it (and I saw other people sitting alone too!) and if I had to do it again, I could and would.
Just to add to my previous post, my bartender and I (we'll call her "BT") had an interesting conversation last night.
She works three jobs to support herself and the hectic pace started to get to her so she decided to take a couple of days off to recoup. She knew that if she stayed at home she wouldn't be able to resist 'phone calls from customers (she's also a hairdresser who travels to her customers' homes) so, for the first time in her life she decided to go on a solo trip. She was leaving this morning on a flight to Puerto Rico where she'll be staying at one of the major hotels right on the beach.
She mentioned it to one of her coworkers at her other job who immediately started grilling her about traveling alone. The girl was completely mind boggled that someone could make such a trip on their own and kept insisting that BT was meeting some man there and asking her what was the scoop and who was the guy. BT was finally able to convince the girl that she was indeed traveling alone, she wasn't meeting anyone there, wasn't going on a man-scavenging hunt and just was looking forward to some simple "time out" in a different locale. She regretted having even mentioned it to the coworker!
I'm considerably older than BT and told her that it was a turning point in my life when I finally felt comfortable enough and confident enough to go out on my own without feeling the need to have "a friend" along for the ride. I have wonderful friends but am also quite happy to go out to the movies or to a restaurant on my own. I took several Caribbean cruises on my own where I had a MUCH better time being solo than those times when I took a "friend" - and met some wonderful people on board.
BT said that she's already taken the first steps in going out to restaurants, the movies, etc. by herself and that this trip was almost a natural transition for her. I was tickled pink that she's reached that stage and doesn't feel the need to have company. I gave her a big hug and I just know that she'll have a great time and get some real R&R without having to worry about what any traveling companion's needs and wants might be which can be such a chore.
Learning to live life and enjoy your own company without the need to have a companion is such a huge step for so many - and so many never get to that point.
Don't get me wrong, though. I entertain and am entertained by many friends and acquaintances and am certainly not a hermit or antisocial by any stretch of the imagination. But I'm not in the least bit uncomfortable to go out on my own when I feel like it.
Good luck to you!
Yeah I'll rep this, good post. I find also that when you spend more time to actually get to focus on you and get to know more about yourself, and learn what your likes/dislikes are about things and people, better friends (and more em too) will come along automatically. At that point you'll know what kinda friends you want, and you won't just be stuck with the lames you grew up with or went to class/work with. Not mention once you become comfortable with yourself and your goals, confidence goes through the roof.
All else fails, move to Miami. That's where I plan to end up within the next couple of years myself. Lot's of club hoppers there- that's what I'm talkin about.
Last edited by HumboldtParkShiner; 11-23-2009 at 10:29 AM..
Your friends sound socially inept, yes, but you sound like a dick.
Criticize their clothes? Assemble a "huddle" out front to analyze and discuss how the night is going? Come on. I don't know about you, but my only purpose in going out is to have fun and be comfortable. Meeting new people is a distant third. If I put the social pressure on myself that you put on yourself, I'd probably hate my life too. If I put that type of pressure on my friends, I wouldn't have any.
This sounds like one of those arab guys wearing shiny shirts at the club...
hahaaa gotta admit, this is true. I mean as much as I can relate to having stupid and idiotic friends, it does sound as if you all trying too hard. Everybody know the first rule of pickin up girls with your friends is NEVER disagree with your friends and fellow man in front of females. If anything, male peers with social ineptness helps make your game look even fresher. If you correct/argue with your friends like that over what they say to females (in front of females), it makes you all come off as desperate and trying too hard, like you all were in some sorta football huddle before you hit the club. Just relax and go with the flow, play it off cool (if you play it off real cool, the night could work out better in your favor anyways), and don't be so uptight and nitpicky. Even if females were doin this in front of me (and it does happen every so often- I mean this is the Humboldt Park Shiner after all), it comes off as uncomfortable and awkward, and kinda ruins the vibe, like there's some sorta tension in the air. Ditch your friends, cause they are lame, but keep this in mind for future reference home boi.
if all your friends are being dicks, be the sensitive one.
tried and tested formula. approved by me.
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Originally Posted by HumboldtParkShiner
hahaaa gotta admit, this is true. I mean as much as I can relate to having stupid and idiotic friends, it does sound as if you all trying too hard. Everybody know the first rule of pickin up girls with your friends is NEVER disagree with your friends and fellow man in front of females. If anything, male peers with social ineptness helps make your game look even fresher. If you correct/argue with your friends like that over what they say to females (in front of females), it makes you all come off as desperate and trying too hard, like you all were in some sorta football huddle before you hit the club. Just relax and go with the flow, play it off cool (if you play it off real cool, the night could work out better in your favor anyways), and don't be so uptight and nitpicky. Even if females were doin this in front of me (and it does happen every so often- I mean this is the Humboldt Park Shiner after all), it comes off as uncomfortable and awkward, and kinda ruins the vibe, like there's some sorta tension in the air. Ditch your friends, cause they are lame, but keep this in mind for future reference home boi.
Seriously, last night was the first time in a long while I've gone out with my friends (not because I haven't been going out, but because convincing them to go out is such a chore; it's like asking for a kidney sometimes) but their behavior was so bad and embarrassing that it unfortunately forces me to question; can these guys help me grow anymore?
I got off of work last night, got home and changed to go out and bar hop.
I don't see a lot of "growth" in bar hopping.
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I convinced my friends to join by offering them a case of beer to pregame at my house and by offering to drive, but I told them to come dressed to go out. First off, only 2 of 3 came, and 1 was really sloppily dressed, even though I told him we were going out, so I had to lend him some of my clothes.
If you have to convince your friends to go bar hopping with you, you do need new friends. But, again, where is the growth potential in bar-hopping?
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Second of all, we got to the club, and I was determined to meet some people and socialize, but my friends, like they always do, just relegated themselves to 1 table and stuck to themselves. I tried talking to a group of three girls, but it was hard to keep all their attention and interest. I was expecting my friends to help out but they never arrived, and I eventually got squeezed out and my friends made fun of me for it on my way back.
So, this is the part where it is their fault you couldn't keep them entertained. Or maybe it was that these three ladies wanted you to dumb down in order to maintain a conversation with them. They couldn't grasp the impact of nuclear fission on Existentialism?
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I was like "Are you guys serious? I gave you drinks, drove you here, and your not even going to help me meet some girls and make fun of me for getting rejected while you're not even trying?" That got them to commit.
So, this is the area where they can't help you grow anymore? It is not their job to help you pick up "girls".
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A while later, I approached this one girl at the bar and chatted with her for a minute or two. She then told me she was hanging out with 2 of her friends, and I was like "that's perfect, I'm here with 2 of my friends too. Let's merge our tables."
So I waved my 2 friends over, the girl introduced me to her 2 friends, and I introduced my friends to them and we started chatting. This is where it starts to get really bad...
This and the rest of the story, along with your other thread just reinforces the impression that you are a show off, turning your nose up at people you actually go out of your way to be around and creating discussions here about them being beneath you to boost your own ego.
1. So you want to meet girls, and you think you need your friends to prop you up and help you, thus you pretty much bribe them and want absolute control on how they behave and speak and interact.
Step back and think this through, you could still have gone to the bar and met strike up a conversation with that girl. Even when she was with her 2 other girl friends, you missed the opportunity to ask for her number by simply saying, "listen I'd like continue our conversation at time, I'd like to get your number...
Or when you thought to bail out of the situation, you could have gotten her number too at that time. Just because you want to meet up with girls, does not mean you need to get a hook up that night. Collect the numbers and set up nights where you get to have more attention with a girl, instead of you spending time and effort propping up your guy friends.
Also, you missed opportunity to strike up conversation with the 2 guys the girls was just talking too. You said there were 3 girls. You know, meet more people and not just girls. Those 2 guys could have been you bar buddies.
Also, you missed opportunity to strike up conversation with the 2 guys the girls was just talking too. You said there were 3 girls. You know, meet more people and not just girls. Those 2 guys could have been you bar buddies.
That is a great point also. If the OP didn't want to talk the guys with those girls, I think he would have at least been better off just trying to disappear after him n his friends stepped outside, instead of coming back in n just dismissing himself at the end just cause he saw the girls with the guys. That definately comes off as way too desperate, and socially awkward.
N plus, those guys who stole those girls could have been the new, confident buddies that you're looking for.
If you have to convince your friends to go bar hopping with you, you do need new friends. But, again, where is the growth potential in bar-hopping?
In learning how to socialize and meet new people outside the college environment.
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So, this is the part where it is their fault you couldn't keep them entertained. Or maybe it was that these three ladies wanted you to dumb down in order to maintain a conversation with them. They couldn't grasp the impact of nuclear fission on Existentialism?
I'm not into wacky philosophical discussions. Things that might interest me are discussions on the effects of European agricultural policy on the Third World, or the implications of France's 2007 riots on American illegal immigration. I'm not some loony post modernist.
Based on your statement, an interesting book you might enjoy is "Fashionable Nonsense," by Alan Sokal, a mathematician and physicist who discusses the idiocy of trying to tie philosophy with science.
Location: somewhere close to Tampa, but closer to the beach
2,031 posts, read 5,056,656 times
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Humboldt, before Miami, check out Tampa..Not quite as crazy..but you get the same great weather..and the women here are just as great.. I certainly can't complain..
STT, again, id rep you..but.. anyhow, Yes, alot of people i know often looked at me strange when i was planning my move here...where i know no one..shows how afraid they must be of self independence i guess..anyway, I think you have inspired me to strike up a conversation with the female bartender i swear was flirting w/me a little last Friday when i go out tomorrow night.. Even if she wasn't, it never hurts to try right? lol....How's the weather down there by the way??..and on Thanksgiving, please enjoy an Adult beverage below some palm trees by the sea for me will ya??
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That got them to commit.
