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Just thought I would write and see if other people have experienced slight awkwardness when giving a gift.
I was brought up to say Thank you and write a Thank you note when receiving a gift and be grateful someone has thought of you.
Over the years I’ve received many gifts that weren’t quite right from clothing the wrong size, color, fabric, etc. Also, gift cards for restaurants I don’t go to, however, I always let the gift giver know how thoughtful it was to think of me and greatly appreciated.
This holiday I gave a nice card and small gift to someone that has done work for us, when handing the wrapped gift and card I hear, Oh, I don’t give cards or gifts. I responded, ok well this is for you. It was slightly awkward and I felt like saying you don’t have to receive this gift ?! Very unusual, unexpected and slightly rude and not appropriate when someone is thinking of you and giving a little card and gift. How about just saying Thank you.
Also, have a small amount in gift cards to the mail carrier, etc. When giving one to someone serving the public I heard, Oh I don’t go that place ?! Luckily, for me someone else was standing close by also serving the public I said, I wanted to give these (gift cards) over the holidays so do you go to (restaurant) The response was Yes, and Thank you so much for thinking of us.
I’ve heard it’s all in the upbringing manners, cannot learn manners when a person is older. When receiving a gift it’s nice to be thought of, just say Thank you.
This holiday I gave a nice card and small gift to someone that has done work for us, when handing the wrapped gift and card I hear, Oh, I don’t give cards or gifts. I responded, ok well this is for you. It was slightly awkward and I felt like saying you don’t have to receive this gift ?!
You caught them off guard, and they probably thought you were expecting one from them.
^Well I know what you’re saying, however, this is someone that’s done work for us and it was the most unexpected response. I got the feeling this person says this to anyone giving them a gift.
People give gifts because they want to and a gift is never expected, otherwise, it’s not a gift.
It’s best not to overthink and be rude and just say Thank you.
^Well I know what you’re saying, however, this is someone that’s done work for us and it was the most unexpected response. I got the feeling this person says this to anyone giving them a gift.
People give gifts because they want to and a gift is never expected, otherwise, it’s not a gift.
It’s best not to overthink and be rude and just say Thank you.
While that may be your point of view, to many others it is not true at all, if you read a few of the recent gift threads in this forum you will find that out.
Not everyone wants gifts, and there are many reasons why someone might not appreciate an unexpected gift.
Even people raised with manners. For some, giving a gift puts the burden of reciprocating on the giftee. Whether you mean for it to, or not, if they were raised that way, that's how they are going to feel, burdened.
Or someone may feel accepting an unwanted gift leaves them feeling obligated to you.
Or maybe someone just doesn't want to receive a gift.
^ Of course, I understand those point of view, however, in giving a gift card to the mailman at Christmas time they usually smile and say Thank you. This is a very similar type of person that would be common to give a card or small gift.
So in this situation there is no burden like thinking the mailman would reciprocate with a gift back.
This is not a situation of friends, co-workers giving gifts.
Every year I give gift cards to mailman, garbage man, babysitter, dog walker, etc. They always smile and say Thank you and have said they are glad to be remembered. This person is in this group of people.
Be glad someone thought of you to give a card or gift and say Thank you don’t overthink it life is too short.
Last edited by bellamax2; 01-09-2024 at 03:04 PM..
^ Of course, I understand those point of view, however, in giving a gift card to the mailman at Christmas time they usually smile and say Thank you. This is a very similar type of person that would be common to give a card or small gift.
So in this situation there is no burden like thinking the mailman would reciprocate with a gift back.
This is not a situation of friends, co-workers giving gifts.
Every year I give gift cards to mailman, garbage man, babysitter, dog walker, etc. They always smile and say Thank you and have said they are glad to be remembered. This person is in this group of people.
Be glad someone thought of you to give a card or gift and say Thank you don’t overthink it life is too short.
People forget that it can require as much grace to receive something as to give it; a compliment, a gift, whatever.
People also forget that there's a proper and an improper time for most of the things they do.
The receiver's behavior was anything but gracious. I agree that their response was a rather impolite way to inform you not to expect any reciprocity (just in case you were ).
I get that some people don't participate in gifting. That's fine, but there's no need to educate someone about your philosophy in that manner. OP you as an innocent giver obviously didn't know. Why should you get your nose rubbed in it that way? The gracious thing for an unwilling recipient to do would be to offer a brief thanks for the thought. If a gift offends their sensibilities so much, pass it on to someone else. If I was so vehement about my anti-gifting platform I couldn't hold my tongue for courtesy's sake and I was anxious the giver would try it again, I'd probably broach the topic in conversation with them at another time. I wouldn't make them feel bad or put them on the spot right at that moment. This person left you dangling OP...what were you supposed to do, snatch the gift back?
If I give someone a gift card, the last thing I'd enjoy hearing is "I don't go to that place." It's insulting, implying the giver occupies a different class than they do. Once again, the giver probably didn't know...an innocent. Why punish them for a generous inclination? If I don't want to use a gift card someone gives me, I donate it or pass it to someone who might get use out of it. Once again, if I just can't hold my tongue about where I choose to shop, eat, or whatever, I'd find a way to broach the topic in private, not right when the person has just handed the thing to me!
Last edited by Parnassia; 01-09-2024 at 05:17 PM..
Some people have a really weird problem with giving or getting gifts. My daughter, and my wife's daughter, are like this, despite it being diametrically opposed to how they were raised; as are several people in my wife's extended family. It seems to have to do with two things: being drawn into a perceived reciprocity war of some kind, where they don't have the interest and/or $ to reciprocate, or some other form of unwanted obligation; and in at least one case, with some weird aversion to being "surprised", which is probably a badly-explained version of the same thing.
If is really too bad because gifting is one of my wife's "love languages" and she has been deprived of this outlet for her love with most people in our family circle -- who are still alive, anyway.
I don't see any alternative than to just never gift someone like that again; they obviously don't appreciate it and in our experience, they are relieved to be "off the hook".
Just thought I would write and see if other people have experienced slight awkwardness when giving a gift.
I was brought up to say Thank you and write a Thank you note when receiving a gift and be grateful someone has thought of you.
Over the years I’ve received many gifts that weren’t quite right from clothing the wrong size, color, fabric, etc. Also, gift cards for restaurants I don’t go to, however, I always let the gift giver know how thoughtful it was to think of me and greatly appreciated.
This holiday I gave a nice card and small gift to someone that has done work for us, when handing the wrapped gift and card I hear, Oh, I don’t give cards or gifts. I responded, ok well this is for you. It was slightly awkward and I felt like saying you don’t have to receive this gift ?! Very unusual, unexpected and slightly rude and not appropriate when someone is thinking of you and giving a little card and gift. How about just saying Thank you.
Also, have a small amount in gift cards to the mail carrier, etc. When giving one to someone serving the public I heard, Oh I don’t go that place ?! Luckily, for me someone else was standing close by also serving the public I said, I wanted to give these (gift cards) over the holidays so do you go to (restaurant) The response was Yes, and Thank you so much for thinking of us.
I’ve heard it’s all in the upbringing manners, cannot learn manners when a person is older. When receiving a gift it’s nice to be thought of, just say Thank you.
You have had some terrible experiences.
A "Thank you!" should suffice.
I was raised so differently. This is NOT a generational issue. My first MIL, born in 1930s, would be happy to tell you what was wrong with my gift. Whatever that might be.
So would MY SISTER. So go figure.
A gift from ANY CHAIN RESTAURANT should be greeted with thanks. No one cares about your refined food tastes.
I don't eat Fast Food. However, I drink iced tea. I will eat onion rings, as long as they are hot. Same with French Fries. If I have a gift card, a fish sandwich in OK.
The point is - no one cares about your favorite food, or color, that you only drink Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts.
I don't eat at Chick a Filet for many reasons, but if I got a card as a gift. I would not commence to preach about it.
I think Gift Cards to almost anyone, should be welcomed by anyone. These people should just stop requesting what they want. Figuring out where your postal worker likes to eat, is not your job.
I used to know a woman that gave me a gift card to a Mexican restaurant several times a year. I always thanked her and gave it to my neighbor that loves that restaurant. There was no reason to tell her I hated Mexican food.
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