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Status:
"In the words of Steve Winwood, Roll With It!"
(set 24 days ago)
Location: State of the closed-minded
296 posts, read 217,300 times
Reputation: 580
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Hopefully, this will be many years down the road, and you might be emotionally prepared to deal with it by then, or even be happy for them that their suffering is over.
There are emotional support systems comprised of nice people out there, and I hope you meet them long before it is needed.
Suggestion: When with your parents, tell them you would like to journal, especially record their life stories. Ask them, what they want you to remember about them, for you to carry on, their beliefs, hospitality ?
Our sons had each given their father the book, A Father's. Legacy, Your life story in your own words. Believe you can purchase it through Amazon. When visiting my the husband the last 3 weeks of his life, took one of the books, asked a ? from the book, i.e. Describe your childhood home. What was your favorite room ? A ? each month, January through December. When I asked my husband a ? I discovered things about him I never knew in 40+ years of marriage !
Tapes, my brother, father sent back and forth when he was stationed overseas. Bless my brother had one made for me, can hear my father talking a letter to him as well as playing the small organ he played.
IMHO OP this isn't all about losing parents. Your anxiety over losing them is more encompassing than that. It's more about what role they play in your life. You're dependent on the close relationships, the opportunity to give and receive love, stability, the familiar, the safe. As long as you have your parents you don't need to push yourself outside your long-standing comfort zone. You don't need to put yourself out there by taking a risk in forming those bonds with anyone new. In a way, you've put all your eggs in one comfy basket. If/when (it is when) your parents are gone, you'll be left on your own to face forming bonds with others. That's what you are anxious and fearful about.
Please don't get me wrong. You are fortunate to have such strong bonds with your parents. Many people don't or they lose them to sad circumstances. A counselor can help you learn how to spread your wings and fully fledge for yourself. That doesn't mean you'll lose any part of what you have, just that you'll have something else for support when the time comes and your little world won't come crashing down. You'll be better equipped to proceed with other healthy and rewarding relationships. Please seek help to learn how.
Last edited by Parnassia; 12-22-2023 at 05:34 PM..
I agree with the other posters that you should talk to a professional about your fears.
Echoing this as well.
OP, you have to deal with this because, and I'm saying this as someone who lost my dad to a sudden death 2 years ago, it IS inevitable that you will need to face this at some point in the future. And it may come when you least expect it. My dad dropped dead of a heart attack right in front of my mother in their living room.
My mother died in a car accident but she was 81. My father made it to 87. That's how things go down here in the Real World. Since the story arc of their lives was that it was full and honorable and they gave me a loving stable start in life ... and the ability to be a father (and stepfather) in my own right ... it was the end of an era but not unexpected; as someone else here said, it's the natural order of things. The REAL problem is when people die "out of turn", like my wife dying at age 56 or my son at age 30. THOSE are the really tough losses. And even those are survivable.
I will add my voice to the rest, the OP needs therapy for this. A lot is going on here that is not normal. Over-dependence, possibly co-dependence, maybe even fostered by the parents ... morbid fear of death ... a therapist is needed to sort this out. OP, you do NOT have to suffer like this. No one here can give you a magic solution that will make your parents outlive you, and even if we could, it would be cruel to your parents and selfish on your part.
IMHO OP this isn't all about losing parents. Your anxiety over losing them is more encompassing than that. It's more about what role they play in your life. You're dependent on the close relationships, the opportunity to give and receive love, stability, the familiar, the safe. As long as you have your parents you don't need to push yourself outside your long-standing comfort zone. You don't need to put yourself out there by taking a risk in forming those bonds with anyone new. In a way, you've put all your eggs in one comfy basket. If/when (it is when) your parents are gone, you'll be left on your own to face forming bonds with others. That's what you are anxious and fearful about.
Please don't get me wrong. You are fortunate to have such strong bonds with your parents. Many people don't or they lose them to sad circumstances. A counselor can help you learn how to spread your wings and fully fledge for yourself. That doesn't mean you'll lose any part of what you have, just that you'll have something else for support when the time comes and your little world won't come crashing down. You'll be better equipped to proceed with other healthy and rewarding relationships. Please seek help to learn how.
I watched a close friend of mine start up with the weed when it was legalized here a few years ago. I watched her go from energetic and levelheaded to a shaking, edgy whirlwind of out-of-control anxiety.
Oh, but it has nothing to do with the weed (according to the addict). Yeah, right.
It has everything to do with the weed.
Quit. Then, make sure you are on the right antidepressant. Work with the pros in mental health.
Why do you think you feel this way? When did this feeling start. A therapist would help you learn the answers to these questions. You need to know the answers to these questions.
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