Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If you want to keep your present job: Take all personal life items off of your desk and make your life outside of work inscrutable, like stainless steel to others. It's not their business. Certainly it's unfair if others are able to keep pictures of their friends, spouse, kids, pets on their desk but they aren't being harassed right now. You are.
Have a conversation with your direct supervisor/HR with documented examples of the behavior that you want stopped and tell them that you expect it to stop. Then document any attempts at retaliation after (hopefully) the supervisor/HR steps in. It doesn't matter if he's jealous or upset or had expectations. He must manage his disappointment like an adult. Keep your head down and do your work to the best of your ability. If you need to escalate beyond the supervisor, do so after documenting additional harassment or retaliation attempts by this coworker.
"....but if you ever face this in the future it's best to tell someone you won't date co-workers."
This is a policy that should not just be stated. It should be followed like a religion IMO.
Edited to add: I see you've been proactive in advocating for yourself. Good for you. Hopefully this will go no further.
Best of luck to you. Been there before the law was clear on this.
If you guys went to bars and drank played games and did the whole touchy feely then i can somewhat understand.
If you guys went to a dance club and danced, etc.
It was just a question to get more input.
Probably because as a woman it can get tiresome answering questions about what I may have done to cause this guy to act like a creep rather than what’s wrong with him to make him act this way. And why on earth would I go somewhere and get “touchy feely” with a guy who I never intended to date?
Agree. What your co-worker is doing is inappropriate and bordering on harassment. You are not and never were his property. He needs to behave like a grownup and deal with his disappointment/jealousy. I'd ask your supervisor about your employer's hostile workplace/sexual harassment policy and see whether it might provide tools that can help. Document the nastiness carefully. Your manager could possibly speak to HIS manager about his behavior and haul him onto the carpet. If the nastiness continues, you may need to file a formal complaint against your co-worker. Someone will at least need to put him on notice that his spiteful behavior will not be tolerated.
Unfortunately, this is just one reason why dating co-workers isn't a good idea. When things go sour for whatever reason and feelings get hurt, you can't avoid the person.
I agree. He is being hostile and his behavior needs to stop.
Also, be on the lookout to see if he is being inappropriate regarding other women in your office. If you witness it, you need to do something about it. I wish more workplaces had bystander training. If your company is enlightened, it may even have a no-bystanders rule.
Unless you absolutely love your job, perhaps you should look for employment elsewhere. You shouldn't have to because your co-workers disgruntled behavior isn't your fault, but I was just thinking if you could find other employment you wouldn't have to see his face again.
Hopefully your new relationship will work out, but if you ever face this in the future it's best to tell someone you won't date co-workers.
As someone else said, it looks like it's a good thing you didn't get involved with your co-worker. To put it nicely, he sounds like a jerk!
That is a really poor idea. Why should the OP, who's done nothing wrong, have to give up her employment because of someone else's poor behavior? That's just nuts. SHe has a right to a workplace free from harrassment, that's the law. If anyone has to go, it's him.
Probably because as a woman it can get tiresome answering questions about what I may have done to cause this guy to act like a creep rather than what’s wrong with him to make him act this way. And why on earth would I go somewhere and get “touchy feely” with a guy who I never intended to date?
That is a really poor idea. Why should the OP, who's done nothing wrong, have to give up her employment because of someone else's poor behavior? That's just nuts. SHe has a right to a workplace free from harrassment, that's the law. If anyone has to go, it's him.
Ignore the guy. He's toxic. Don't "hang out" anymore with your co-workers. It's best to keep your social life completely separate from your work life. Document each and every thing this guy says or does that you consider inappropriate; write it down, including date and time. Work extra hard from now on, to inoculate yourself from criticism. Good luck!
Ignore the guy. He's toxic. Don't "hang out" anymore with your co-workers. It's best to keep your social life completely separate from your work life. Document each and every thing this guy says or does that you consider inappropriate; write it down, including date and time. Work extra hard from now on, to inoculate yourself from criticism. Good luck!
Probably because as a woman it can get tiresome answering questions about what I may have done to cause this guy to act like a creep rather than what’s wrong with him to make him act this way. And why on earth would I go somewhere and get “touchy feely” with a guy who I never intended to date?
Absolutely. That posters response was a textbook example of victim blaming.
Hello everyone and thank you for your comments. I did speak to my coworker today. I told him that I don’t appreciate how he’s been acting. That I think it’s unprofessional and that if he continues I’m going to inform my supervisor and HR. He tried to play it off as though he’s only been joking and that I’m overreacting but I won’t let him gaslight me. I told him again to please stop talking about me and my boyfriend.
I know a couple people suggested I should have told him about my rule of not dating a coworker when he first asked me out. But please consider that at the time I was an emotional mess and wasn’t really thinking straight. I had just broken up with my ex because he wanted me to get an abortion and I didn’t want one. I also thought that since I was going to be a single mother dating was something I wouldn’t have to think about for at least a few years. I couldn’t know that I was going to have a miscarriage. I also couldn’t know that I would reconnect with a wonderful man within a year of all this happening. So yes, maybe I should have mentioned my rule to him but I didn’t. I also didn’t say or do anything that should have led him to believe I was going to date him once I was ready to date.
I think you handled it well. If he doesn't stop, you have a choice on whether to go straight to report him again or have a serious conversation with him how you do not date coworkers and that you've had a lot on your plate, you really don't need this. I may even say something that I don't share my private life but was having a rough time, surely was not leading him on.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
