Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't look down on people who are divorced, in some situations i've been like, good for you for getting out. I actually look down on some people who continued to stay with a loser. BUT that doesn't mean getting a divorce is easy...particularly when in the world we live in the man is usually the breadwinner and the woman either has to go back to work or find a better job. Sometimes I honestly don't know how some people even afford to get a divorce when the woman hasn't worked in years. I know there's child support and alimony but I don't quite know how alimony works.
I don't look down on people who are divorced, in some situations i've been like, good for you for getting out. I actually look down on some people who continued to stay with a loser. BUT that doesn't mean getting a divorce is easy...particularly when in the world we live in the man is usually the breadwinner and the woman either has to go back to work or find a better job. Sometimes I honestly don't know how some people even afford to get a divorce when the woman hasn't worked in years. I know there's child support and alimony but I don't quite know how alimony works.
I didn't get alimony in my divorce, but I believe the way it works is dependent on how long the party was out of the work force, and what their standard of living was during the marriage.
I didn't get alimony in my divorce, but I believe the way it works is dependent on how long the party was out of the work force, and what their standard of living was during the marriage.
Alimony is extremely rare in a modern divorce settlement, anyway. It might be for 5 years so that the non-working spouse can get back on their feet, but the notion of a lifetime of spousal support is a fantasy except in extreme cases.
I hate to say "age is just a number" but here, age is just a number.
The people are either mature enough to handle marriage at that age, or not. Waiting is great if you have reasons to wait, but "Twenty-X years old is too young" isn't really a valid reason on its face. "I'm in the middle of grad school and I may very well end up living across the country for an internship then in another corner after that" is a valid reason, but if a spouse is amenable and able to move with you, so be it.
If finances aren’t an issue then would you give your blessings to your children in their early 20’s or recommend taking few years?
I have a 27-, 25-, and 22-year-old. For my 25- and 22-year-olds, I'd say wait.
The reason is pretty straightforward for me. You change more in the five years after leaving school than you do for the rest of your lives. Your beliefs, tastes, values, priorities, goals, friends and a zillion other things change between the time you clutch your diploma and the end of those five years.
Dating in the bubble that's school is easy. Incredibly easy. There are no mortgages to pay. No children to raise. No challenges outside of passing your classes and finding enough spare change in your couch cushions for pizza and beer. Meanwhile, your first five years on your own are times of constant readjustment, essentially learning what in life is really important to you.
So what happens if you marry straight out of school, you change, and your spouse doesn't change in the same direction you do?
Now this is where someone says, "I married at age 18/20/21 and we're still going strong!" Great. So happy for you. But if you look at the marriage statistics, you are 50% less likely to divorce if you get married at age 25 than if you get married at age 20. And the odds drop even further after that. The sweet spot is in the 28 to 32 age range.
The summer after I graduated, I went to thirteen weddings for people with whom I went to school. Today, twelve of those marriages are finito.
So go out. Figure out who you are. Get your sea legs for being a fully autonomous person. That way, you'll have a much clearer view of what you want in life before you get your partner in life.
Age isn't any kind of guarantee. I was 25 when I got married and divorced by 38.
My oldest is 24 and not nearly mature enough to be married. She doesn't even have a boyfriend so fortunately for us it is a moot point! My youngest is 21 and not at all interested in long term relationships. I guess it will be a while before I'm a grandmother.
Age isn't any kind of guarantee. I was 25 when I got married and divorced by 38.
No, because there are multiple factors in divorce. But all things being equal, I think the current average age of first marriage (late 20s) is better overall. People's brains are fully formed / wired by then, you're in a better place financially, and you've hopefully had time to experiment with life and love a bit before making commitments.
When I got married at 19, I didn't know myself yet, much less how to evaluate my spouse.
If finances aren’t an issue then would you give your blessings to your children in their early 20’s or recommend taking few years?
Of course you should unite with your beloved when you want to. Its not for others including parents to stand in the way. You are of age, not a minor anymore. Listen to your heart.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
