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I think it depends upon the situation when you last had contact. If it was ugly, you don't go there unless you are making amends, and you state you wish to do that. I don't see anything wrong with making amends.
If the relationship was not hurtful, then why not. I did. I contacted an old ex from over 30 years ago. I was sincerely just interested in how he was doing, nothing else. I was going through old photos and wondered how lots of people were doing, and so I looked several up online. Old boyfriends, old girlfriends, childhood neighbors, high school friends. Simply curiousity, and some people left me with warm memories, and they would be the ones I contact just to say hi.
It doesn't have to be a head game, it really can be an innocent inquiry without a motive. But I would also consider what kind of person that other person is, or was. Apparently there are several here that would find it offensive. I wouldn't...not unless someone hurt me.
I was shocked to see that my ex IL's passed away within days of each other. They live in a town 20 miles away. They were very nice and while shocked they died - not surprised that it happened so close. There is no way they could be separated from being together.
Anyway - I sent him a message. He responded right away. Also let me know he had gone to my mom's graveside and left flowers when she passed the year before. We are Facebook friends, but just do the happy birthday thing once a year.
My ex broke up with me 15 years ago. I don't use social media much, but I was thinking of messaging her on Facebook. I am not looking to get back together, I just thought it would be a nice gesture to see what she is up to.
Is this weird?
Send a friend request and see reaction. If request is accepted then this is the positive signal.
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.
Good luck with that though. I let sleeping dogs lie, to me deliberately complicating my life due to boredom isn't too bright.
So you want to assuage your own guilt. Do her a favor and allow her the dignity of living her life without dredging up things like that from the past. Like you haven't done enough damage.
I don't care about a cheater being sorry years later and I owe them no foregiveness. It is jerky to show up years later wanting something from the person you hurt. It's still about you.
This is it. Leave her alone. I bet OP is in his 40s. That is the age when people try to reinvent their younger selves.
It seems like the answer is to never contact an ex. For some it seems to be a pride thing ? Like omg don't let them know you think about them. When in reality it's probably pretty common to think about an ex on occasion.
So you want to assuage your own guilt. Do her a favor and allow her the dignity of living her life without dredging up things like that from the past. Like you haven't done enough damage.
I don't care about a cheater being sorry years later and I owe them no foregiveness. It is jerky to show up years later wanting something from the person you hurt. It's still about you.
^^^ This.
Hardly the “nice gesture” the OP makes it out to be.
It seems like the answer is to never contact an ex. For some it seems to be a pride thing ? Like omg don't let them know you think about them. When in reality it's probably pretty common to think about an ex on occasion.
So think about them and leave it at that.
Call on old friends, they might like to catch up, not exes you have betrayed in the past.
Just send her a friend request. If she doesn't accept it, don't try to message her.
I'm FB friends with every ex but maybe one. I'm the one who broke up with all of them, including that one. They are all the one's who sent me the requests & I accepted them all. Even the ex who was abusive & a creeper. That was 25 years ago, he doesn't bother me now. If that last one ever requested, I would accept his too but I'll never be the one to send a request, lol that's just not me.
I just don't find it that big of a deal.
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