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I've changed so much over the years personality wise. I was super shy, and now I'm not, I was horribly insecure.
Some of those things may "twinge" every once in awhile, along with my anger issues, but for the most part those things are no longer a part of my life. I used to only care about partying and being out every night, now I love mostly being a homebody.
No one who knew me in my late teens early twenties would have foreseen my current life choices.
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Well, I do believe I have changed. My essential personality traits are the same, but how I react to different situations has changed. And my desire to change how I tended to react has driven my change. I regard myself as an evolving person.
Also, I have noticed that my DH has changed. His basic personality traits have remained the same, but he has learned to accept change better than he used to be able to.
But, I do agree that basic personality traits seem fixed in most of us by the time we are adults.
I think this is true too, but some people learn by trial and error what wild impulses they probably don't want to act upon.
And everything is still there but I've also noticed new aspects of myself I hadn't discovered yet when I was younger.
Well, I do believe I have changed. My essential personality traits are the same, but how I react to different situations has changed. And my desire to change how I tended to react has driven my change. I regard myself as an evolving person.
Also, I have noticed that my DH has changed. His basic personality traits have remained the same, but he has learned to accept change better than he used to be able to.
But, I do agree that basic personality traits seem fixed in most of us by the time we are adults.
I think what you described could be summed up as "maturity". Experience combined with age often equals empathy for others, patience, and kindness; or at least it should. But it's a bit different than a tiger changing its stripes.
-- from being dishonest and hateful to being truly remorseful and loving?
I recently severed (by moving away) a relationship with a close relative who has caused me nothing but grief. In fact, for many years, she said that in her opinion, I was one of the worst people on this earth; and she has not even sent a birthday or Christmas card in almost ten years, despite my sending cards and gifts to her (out of some strange sense of obligation). No matter how badly she treated me, I had always hoped for a change in our relationship until a few years ago, when something happened that made me realize that I had been hoping for something that would be extremely unlikely to ever occur. (A long story.) Now, of course, the foregoing is just my side of it, but this person, in my opinion that is based on years and years of experience, is very manipulative and a "user" of people; she has also repeatedly lied, has been arrested twice for shoplifting, and has had at least two boyfriends in the past who were felons.
However, since I moved to another state and after telling her (nicely) that this might be a way to bring our relationship to a natural end which might be better for both of us -- as I have been judgmental and critical of her for many years now, too (I'm certainly no saint, either). However, she is now supposedly full of remorse about how she treated me, even though she still hasn't done anything but paid "lip service" through almost gushing "lovey-dovey" e-mails saying that she really does love me and is very sorry for her past treatment of me. However, I am highly suspicious because I think she has probably just realized that I don't have any closer relative than her to leave my estate to, and so I truly do think that she is probably just trying to make up to me in the hope that she will be the main beneficiary of my estate when I die. (Absolutely no chance of that, btw!) E-mails don't cost anything, and I have always believed that actions speak much louder than words, as cliche' a saying as that is.
I don't want to give any more details than this, but I am wondering if any of you think it is possible for someone who has shown zero respect or caring for someone to suddenly do a complete "180" in their stated opinion and treatment of that person without having an ulterior motive?
P.S. I do respond to her e-mails, but it is usually something along the line of "Thank you for saying that and I do wish you well" -- which IS the truth, btw, but left unsaid is the fact that although I do want her to have a good life, I want her to achieve it without any more help (wasted efforts) from me.
My brother became a totally different person after he started taking anti-depressants in middle age. He used to be grumpy all the time and often mean, and now though he can still be grumpy at times, he is much more patient, loving, etc. He's a fantastic and doting grandfather but wasn't that great of a father. I think he probably always needed them but wasn't willing to ask for help until he got older.
I think what you described could be summed up as "maturity". Experience combined with age often equals empathy for others, patience, and kindness; or at least it should. But it's a bit different than a tiger changing its stripes.
Well, we are discussing if people change over time. We aren’t necessarily discussing basic personality traits. I don’t think many introverts change to extroverts, for instance. But most people do change in some ways over time.
Overall though, I think most people don’t change very much past the age of 35. If they do, it is likely because of some great change in their lives. This is my opinion.
I feel as if I was a spoiled, unprincipled child, capable of lying if it suited my purposes, and picking on my siblings. I am now a very honest and forthright adult, because i think my upbringing finally kicked in.
I guess that childhood behavior does count. Since I know this, I would cut any bad child some slack.
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