Are my neighbor's children being abused? (retired, neighbors, appropriate, issues)
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For the same reason a 2 year old or a 33 year old, or a 56 year old, or a 98 year old person needs to by changed by somebody else when the person who has peed their self is just being there in soaking wet clothes and behaving as though nothing has happened and they're not doing anything about it.
If you saw a person of any age who had peed or soiled their self and appeared to be oblivious of what has happened, oblivious of the wetness, the mess and the smell and was just carrying on not doing anything to clean their self and change their clothes - what would YOU do about that person? Would you neglect them and pretend that nothing is wrong or would you offer your assistance?
The eldest boy sounds like he is on the autism spectrum. My 9 year old son hits his chest as you mention (sounds louder/harder than it is) because he likes the vibration feeling. It is a self soothing technique he uses. Often he does it while singing or talking.
The 12 year old wetting is not a normal behavior for that age. Could be many things but I would not rule out abuse. The little one rocking also is typical of autistic behavior (it is a "stim" or self stimulation). My son jumps and sometimes rocks. The pressing of his teeth is self soothing (learned that in PT school, there is a pressure point in the area that is calming - thus the reason people will thumb suck or even sit with their hand pressed against their mouth, they are unknowingly hitting the calming spot). But again, it could also indicate abuse. If it doesn't feel right, perhaps ask? It is possible to have more than one child with autism. Hard subject to bring up but you could even fib a little and say "my friends child is on the spectrum..." to open the pathway for her to tell you if her child/children are on the spectrum as well?
I also don't understand your reluctance to talk to the mother before turning CPS loose. Teachers are mandated reporters, but they are not free to discuss other people's children with the OP.
You've had casual conversations with the mother already, why not invite her over for coffee? If you need support, ask the other neighbor you've discussed the children with. The only thing that seems very odd to me is the daughter wetting her pants, if that's indeed what she is doing, but it could be a physical issue The oldest and youngest boys sound as though they are on the spectrum, and if that's the case, it wouldn't be unusual for the youngest to shy away from physical contact.
Calling CPS, even with the best intentions, could do harm to this family.
I'm confused, you say the kids have no Autism or special needs, but the descriptions you gave are of Autistic and special needs individuals. Rocking, sucking, wetting, flinching... all very common and known symptoms.
Based on your descriptions, you are being very nosy, gossipy and possibly putting this family in a bad situation. Nothing you have described is explicitly abuse, but everything you describe are symptoms of various mental differences in children.
Rather than running to cps and breaking apart a family, based on your lack of knowledge of special needs, perhaps befriend them.
Put yourself in the mother's shoes; she's raising 4 kids, 3 with special needs...and suddenly cps shows up to tell her she's doing a crap job and maybe takes the kids away. Sheesh... invite her over for dinner and offer to pick up items at the store; be a neighbor.
Yes, I know ... everyone today is on the spectrum or is special needs or disabled, etc., etc., etc. So what does it mean when ALL of these children, with the exception of the girl and the flinching of the one boy, DON'T exhibit these behaviors when they have company, friends over, a basketball game in the front driveway, etc.? Why just when they're alone or with other family members?
Yes, I know ... everyone today is on the spectrum or is special needs or disabled, etc., etc., etc. So what does it mean when ALL of these children, with the exception of the girl and the flinching of the one boy, DON'T exhibit these behaviors when they have company, friends over, a basketball game in the front driveway, etc.? Why just when they're alone or with other family members?
How do you know they don't exhibit those behaviors at all times? Maybe it is a lesser degree when others are around. Unless you are watching them constantly you would have no idea about what they do with their friends in the FRONT driveway lol ( i thought your back yards joined each other)
I also don't understand your reluctance to talk to the mother before turning CPS loose. Teachers are mandated reporters, but they are not free to discuss other people's children with the OP.
Here's the problem with talking to the mother --- If the OP talks to the mother and then calls CPS, it will be very clear that it was the neighbor who called. We don't know if the parents would retaliate in some form.
Yes, it's true that a teacher couldn't discuss issues about the child when talking to non-family members. However, once the teacher is tipped off about a problem, s/he is a mandated reporter by law and CPS will then be notified.
Another poster mentioned, as if it would be a done deal, that the family will be ripped apart if CPS is involved. That's simply not always true. CPS aims to keep families together, if possible. With this family, they may do an assessment and find that the mother is overwhelmed and needs assistance. Or they may discover that the kids need to be properly evaluated and diagnosed, then CPS will arrange assistance for the kids.
Yes, I know ... everyone today is on the spectrum or is special needs or disabled, etc., etc., etc. So what does it mean when ALL of these children, with the exception of the girl and the flinching of the one boy, DON'T exhibit these behaviors when they have company, friends over, a basketball game in the front driveway, etc.? Why just when they're alone or with other family members?
I do know, from experience, in abusive families, great effort is made to present a different picture to the outside world. Any mistake made to wreck that picture results in punishment once the family is home.
OP --- You are definitely doing the right thing by being concerned for these kids. I'm glad to hear that you are going to call CPS (or whatever it's called in your state).
How do you know they don't exhibit those behaviors at all times? Maybe it is a lesser degree when others are around. Unless you are watching them constantly you would have no idea about what they do with their friends in the FRONT driveway lol ( i thought your back yards joined each other)
The neighbor's garage is entered from the side as the driveway loops around. That's where the basketball hoop is located. It's easily seen from my backyard as well as several other neighbors' backyards.
When I don't see the kids (minus the girl) exhibit these behaviors for hours at a time when with their friends in the backyard, restaurants, at the bus stop, etc., guess what? That means it's controllable, to a certain extent. Also, to be blunt, they wouldn't have as many friends as they do, were they to act this way constantly. Generally, kids don't like being around other kids who are too different from themselves.
Obviously those of you who are on the spectrum/disability bandwagon are going to believe it's autism, etc., but I'm telling you ... there's just something not right going on at that house.
Several neighbors, including other stay at home moms, have tried to be sociable with this woman. She doesn't want anyone around except for an occasional chat.
Based on your descriptions, you are being very nosy, gossipy and possibly putting this family in a bad situation. Nothing you have described is explicitly abuse, but everything you describe are symptoms of various mental differences in children.
Rather than running to cps and breaking apart a family, based on your lack of knowledge of special needs, perhaps befriend them.
You assume a lot, my dear. Do you think I'm the only one in our neighborhood who's noticed what's going on with these children?
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