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Hi people.
Just thoughts and wondering for those that live alone , what do you think of it , do you prefer it ?
After being married 20yrs, then some years alone, then living with gf , not to mention other married couples or relationships l know.
You know, l think l almost prefer just living alone, maybe even long term from here.
l'm finding it really hard to ignore the hassle free life of just living alone. Even a reasonably happy marriage or easy going relationships, whatever, one way or another it's still always pressured and complicated even if unintentional, they just are. lt's just far more complicated living two lives than one. Even the simplest of everyday things alone, like eating, food, sleeping, getting up , tv you watch, coming and going, even playing music or staying up late, how much you work or don't , time off, 100s of just nothing things, bring on a whole nother dimension as two.
Gees l dunno , nearly 30yrs of it all up and there is absolutely no denying it , you really pay along the way for what you get out of it don't you find, there just doesn't seem to be any way of avoiding that if your two rather than one.
l think my only big concern about just staying solo from here is that you might regret growing old alone,
That and the fact l know my daughter will just worry about me not having someone, she just will , no matter what l say.
Any thoughts appreciated, experience , preferences ?
Really a different strokes for different folks thing.
I'm currently not living alone (with my mom and younger brother) but when I move out, I will probably prefer living by myself. I think overall people learn to adapt to whatever situation they're dealt. If they know deep down they don't like it, it will always nag at them. But if you truly enjoy being by yourself and it helps you maintain inner peace, that's fine too. There are pros and cons to each choice. You just have to decide which is right for you/what makes you comfortable/brings you joy.
Yeah.
l've mostly always loved my space and alone time , yet l've just about always had someone.
But l've always struggled with that too , l like it , l do like having a partner, even married l did love our life a lot of the time , but it was also very hard and complicated your life to no end, it was unbelievable the stuff you had to deal with, just because you were married so l also often resented the hell out of it too many many times.
Which l find happens with anyone , just doesn't seem possible for it to not as two.
Yeah.
l've mostly always loved my space and alone time , yet l've just about always had someone.
But l've always struggled with that too , l like it , l do like having a partner, even married l did love our life a lot of the time , but it was also very hard and complicated your life to no end, it was unbelievable the stuff you had to deal with, just because you were married so l also often resented the hell out of it too many many times.
Which l find happens with anyone , just doesn't seem possible for it to not as two.
As much as it can be a hassle living with someone, I still prefer it to living alone. I get really lonely living alone. I feel isolated. It doesn't help living where I do either. I'm buying a house and it will just be me. I'm hoping I enjoy it more than where I currently live, but I'm sure there will still be a void where a family should have been.
I can't remember ever living alone, but it's been a dream and a fantasy for most of my life.
I think that the way we handled our living arrangements and the expectation of constant contact (and control) was a serious stressor on my marriage. I had no space in our home to call my own, yet somehow was expected to clean up after everyone. My ex expected to know where I was every minute of every day. He knew exactly how long it should take for me to get home from work, and if I stopped at the store without letting him know, then he'd blow up my phone. Something just occurred to me. I remember when my sons were about 8-10 years old, which is a normal age for wanting to explore the world around you as a kid and push some boundaries, maybe you're out riding your bike in the neighborhood and playing with friends, and you're supposed to be home when the street lamps come on, but you lose track of time... And when my sons were doing this, it freaked me out. I would fuss and worry if they did not come home when I expected, and this was before they had cell phones, so I couldn't get a hold of them. My ex used to give me a hard time, tell me to stop clucking like a hen, to cut the apron strings and let them be boys.
He literally trusted 8-10 year old boys, to not be getting into trouble or being abducted or harmed, to look after themselves after dark in the world without us knowing where they were...far, far more, than he trusted me, a grown woman, to do the same.
I was willing to cope with the messes, work, stress, and hassles of raising two kids, but the aggravation I dealt with, sharing life and a home with my ex... Every day I would fantasize about one day having my own place. A peaceful place where no one was stressing me out every day, hovering nearby ready to accuse me of things, or creating disgusting, filthy messes that they simply assumed I'd joyfully clean up with no thanks needed. Not to mention costing me money. Lots and lots of money.
One day, I thought.
Well now, I live with my boyfriend, but we don't live "together" in the way most couples do. He is an introvert, and while I am not necessarily one, I also treasure my space. Our arrangement is more like a man living in the large basement space (big bedroom and a full bathroom down there) like a roommate. He pays me a fixed amount for his part of the rent, and he spends most of his time in his room. I have my room upstairs, as do my sons. We share the common areas, but he doesn't hang out there as much as we do. (Just his preference.) And I don't want or expect him to be really involved with my sons beyond basic cordial interaction when they cross paths. What it's like really, is instead of me having to drive 10 minutes to "visit" him, I only have to go downstairs.
And I love it. He keeps his space clean and doesn't mess up the areas that I've taken responsibility for keeping clean. He doesn't report to me on every little thing he does, nor does he expect me to check in about every little thing. Hell, he doesn't even carry his cell phone, he leaves it at home, thinks of it more like a land line. (He is 60 years old, so...) Neither of us are all up in each other's business 24/7/365 like my ex was with me.
Honestly feel like I've got the best of both worlds.
I have lived alone since I divorced my husband in 1980. I love living alone. I can do what I want, when I want, go to bed whenever I want, get up whenever I want, eat whatever I want and on and on.
I enjoy my own company. People ask me if I ever get lonely and quite honestly I can't remember a time when I felt that way. My SO stays every weekend and we have this routine for the past 25 years. If he lived with me, we wouldn't have lasted 6 months!
The only downside that I see is that if I were to die on Monday, I wouldn't be found until Friday when the SO comes over
Yeah right l hear ya loud and clear.
The house l bought recently after marriage broke up , is a bit big alone and does feel lonely which has me really thinking about all this too.
Because at the same time , my gf just went home again for awhile last week, but even there ,as much help as she is and all the things that she dose round here , it was also just absolutely amazing at the hassles and complications it brings back into life while she's here , after living here alone 2 yrs.
And now this week having life to myself again for awhile is just heaven so far.
lonely at times , but heaven.
I think it all depends on personality type and preferences. I'm a very introverted type. In most of my 20's and 30's, I lived alone. Yes it got lonely sometimes, but I never liked having roommates, and I'm not the type to "live with someone". I got married late in my 30's and have kids now. I love my family life, but also enjoy those times when the house is empty, which are rare. It won't be long until I'm an empty-nester, and things will get really quiet. I'm sure it won't be a problem for me.
I went from my parents home to my marital home (i went to a local university and stay home through college), i didn't know anything else.
I moved into my tiny condo when the ex and i separated, and i f'ing loved it, my own space, my own decorating, I like my home to be quiet and peaceful. My ex married a woman with a daughter and who comes from a huge family and would often have 3 or 4 extra nieces and nephews staying with them most of the wkends, so my kids loved coming back to a quiet space. We got a puppy just before Christmas and he rarely makes a noise too. It was perfect.
Now im in the process of selling to move in with bf, I have my own room (a separate sitting room attached to the master). We're enforcing a strict no kids in the bedroom rule so im hoping i will be able to re-create my own peaceful spot in the new space.
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