Co-worker constantly sucking up to boss and excluding behavior (female, male, business)
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What do you do about a co-worker who you've worked with for 13 years, who confides in you, but then excludes you every chance she can to hang out with the boss of 3 years?
Example from today: There's a 7pm event that they have to attend. For the past few years we have always caught a drink and dinner a few times a year. At first I used to be the one asking if they wanted to join me, but then a year or so ago after getting turned down I just stopped asking. FFW to today. They have this thing to attend at 7 and she knows I enjoy going out for drinks and food, yet she makes plans with the boss to go do this very thing at 4pm....and excludes me. Yet she comes into my office and wants to chat and "hang out" during the day today. When I heard they had to stay my first reaction was to say "oh, do you guys want to come hang out and have drinks and things on the grill?" (I live 5 mins from work, they live 45) So here I am offering to hang out, give them drinks and food and come to find out my long time female coworker made plans with the boss and excluded me. Then when I call them out she says "oh it's not like that, dont be mad..."
Doing my best to not show that it bothers me, but it does. I can't ignore actions like that, I'm a very actions speak louder than words.
Guess the question is do I tell her how rude I think it was to invite the boss out but not me and how it disappoints me that after 13 years of working with her (and being the guy she comes to when she needs to vent or chat).
Keep in mind she had to stay late a few weeks ago, but the boss did not. In this case I said "oh lets go get something to eat" to which she agreed to with no problem. Then when the bill came she had no cash and still owes me a couple drinks to cover.
One other fact is I'm moving across the country on June 13th and will probably never see these two again.. on Sunday she sent a group text to me and the boss saying "We should really find some time before P leaves to have lunch/dinner" - Both of us responded saying "great, sounds good"
What do you think? Do I tell her that I think she was rude and it disappointed me that she excluded me?
If I were you, I would feel very hurt too. But what can you do? Sometimes I think that's life. Some people can just drop their long time friend(s) and to be with someone else in a heartbeat for some reason. For me, I think I would not tell her how I feel. I would just leave her alone. And when she needs me for something and comes to me, I would avoid her. I don't need or want a friend like that.
What do you do about a co-worker who you've worked with for 13 years, who confides in you, but then excludes you every chance she can to hang out with the boss of 3 years?
Example from today: There's a 7pm event that they have to attend. For the past few years we have always caught a drink and dinner a few times a year. At first I used to be the one asking if they wanted to join me, but then a year or so ago after getting turned down I just stopped asking. FFW to today. They have this thing to attend at 7 and she knows I enjoy going out for drinks and food, yet she makes plans with the boss to go do this very thing at 4pm....and excludes me. Yet she comes into my office and wants to chat and "hang out" during the day today. When I heard they had to stay my first reaction was to say "oh, do you guys want to come hang out and have drinks and things on the grill?" (I live 5 mins from work, they live 45) So here I am offering to hang out, give them drinks and food and come to find out my long time female coworker made plans with the boss and excluded me. Then when I call them out she says "oh it's not like that, dont be mad..."
Doing my best to not show that it bothers me, but it does. I can't ignore actions like that, I'm a very actions speak louder than words.
Guess the question is do I tell her how rude I think it was to invite the boss out but not me and how it disappoints me that after 13 years of working with her (and being the guy she comes to when she needs to vent or chat).
Keep in mind she had to stay late a few weeks ago, but the boss did not. In this case I said "oh lets go get something to eat" to which she agreed to with no problem. Then when the bill came she had no cash and still owes me a couple drinks to cover.
One other fact is I'm moving across the country on June 13th and will probably never see these two again.. on Sunday she sent a group text to me and the boss saying "We should really find some time before P leaves to have lunch/dinner" - Both of us responded saying "great, sounds good"
What do you think? Do I tell her that I think she was rude and it disappointed me that she excluded me?
I'm curious - are there just the three of you in the office?
It's obvious to me that your co-worker wants to be friendly but not be your friend. There's a distinction between the two.
That's entirely appropriate for a professional relationship. It's acceptable that your co-workers will not always be your friend but they should be civil to you when working together.
Since you're moving in a month, I suggest letting it go. Workwise, you don't want to burn any bridges and if you say nothing, you can still use your co-worker as a work reference.
What do you do about a co-worker who you've worked with for 13 years, who confides in you, but then excludes you every chance she can to hang out with the boss of 3 years?
Example from today: There's a 7pm event that they have to attend. For the past few years we have always caught a drink and dinner a few times a year. At first I used to be the one asking if they wanted to join me, but then a year or so ago after getting turned down I just stopped asking. FFW to today. They have this thing to attend at 7 and she knows I enjoy going out for drinks and food, yet she makes plans with the boss to go do this very thing at 4pm....and excludes me. Yet she comes into my office and wants to chat and "hang out" during the day today. When I heard they had to stay my first reaction was to say "oh, do you guys want to come hang out and have drinks and things on the grill?" (I live 5 mins from work, they live 45) So here I am offering to hang out, give them drinks and food and come to find out my long time female coworker made plans with the boss and excluded me. Then when I call them out she says "oh it's not like that, dont be mad..."
Doing my best to not show that it bothers me, but it does. I can't ignore actions like that, I'm a very actions speak louder than words.
Guess the question is do I tell her how rude I think it was to invite the boss out but not me and how it disappoints me that after 13 years of working with her (and being the guy she comes to when she needs to vent or chat).
Keep in mind she had to stay late a few weeks ago, but the boss did not. In this case I said "oh lets go get something to eat" to which she agreed to with no problem. Then when the bill came she had no cash and still owes me a couple drinks to cover.
One other fact is I'm moving across the country on June 13th and will probably never see these two again.. on Sunday she sent a group text to me and the boss saying "We should really find some time before P leaves to have lunch/dinner" - Both of us responded saying "great, sounds good"
What do you think? Do I tell her that I think she was rude and it disappointed me that she excluded me?
Odd that you don't mention the boss' gender. I'm guessing she's either a) angling for promotion or b) doing the humpalumpadingdong together.
Have considered B) and if I didn't know my coworker for more than a decade it would be pretty much assumed, but I know her and there's no way she'd be sly enough to get away with it. It's also not A because our place is going out of business and we all have jobs elsewear.
Long ago, someone on C-D pointed out that no matter how friendly a co-worker is, no matter how many intimate confidences the two of you have exchanged or how many times you’ve shared a meal, they are not a friend. They are a co-worker, nothing more.
Like the guy who I thought I was close friends with who ratted me out to H.R.
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