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All my jobs have been social work type in nature, and also Student Activities department at a major university.
My best friends, of a lifetime, come from those jobs. We were CLOSE, and even when some left, they were still social friends forever.
I am still friends with people I worked with 30+ years ago, and we still see each other several times a year.
I know exactly what you mean. It is probably the nature of the work you did together. Some of my jobs involved a very small group that had to accomplish most of it as a team, working hard day in, day out for months if not years. They were also jobs that people did because they shared a passion for it. Very personal motivations, so we had a lot in common to begin with. A couple of these coworkers and I still stay in touch decades later. Other jobs not so much.
All my jobs have been social work type in nature, and also Student Activities department at a major university.
My best friends, of a lifetime, come from those jobs. We were CLOSE, and even when some left, they were still social friends forever.
I am still friends with people I worked with 30+ years ago, and we still see each other several times a year.
One of my closest friends is a woman I met at work, 35 years ago. I have other long-timefriends I met at work also, and we keep in touch and get together occasionally.
I have 3 types of work friends.
1. People you are friendly with while you work there. Once employment ends you never seek them out again.
2. Work friends you keep in touch with after employment ends and you see them semi-regularly
3. Friends that originated at work and become part of your social circle
I have 3 types of work friends.
1. People you are friendly with while you work there. Once employment ends you never seek them out again.
2. Work friends you keep in touch with after employment ends and you see them semi-regularly
3. Friends that originated at work and become part of your social circle
3 is the rarest, but many people become 2s.
OP, let me point out that jade is a completely different personality type than you. She's (I gather from years of her posting) outgoing and kind of a bubbly type. You say it's hard to let down your guard around people you work with? Or maybe around people in general? Why not work on that, first? Maybe with some professional guidance, if you've been struggling with it. This need to emotionally protect yourself may be an ingrained behavior from earlier in your life, that it could take time to learn to let go of. Trust may be an issue for you, for whatever reason from your past.
Same here. Your work life is your work life and your personal life is your personal life. They don't necessarily cross lines and it's generally better if they don't. This pressure to be "besties" with your coworkers is a recent and artificial development. Be friendly, but not friends. Resist this trend (and you don't need drugs -- at least not for this reason).
I also find this discussion strange. If I didn't make friends at work I probably wouldn't have any friends.
Seriously, where else does a grown man/woman make friends? Or at least make them as easily. As noted above, you spend 8+ hours a day with these people, it is only natural you would get to know some of them well and find at least a few that you have enough in common with and like enough to become friends.
Where else are you people making friends? Leftover friends from high school or college? Neighbors?
Where else would I, as a 40-something year old man who has just moved across the country within the last year, make friends? And why would I go out of my way to make friends somewhere else when I have a bunch of people at my job who I am around all day and probably will be for years, some of whom would be (and have become) friends? For crying out loud, how can you avoid making friends at work unless you are trying to be anti-social?
I would never want to be friends with anyone at work, distance acquaintance is about it. Friendly terms yes, but that is it.
Same here, as far as my own office goes. I'm friendly! I do go biking with others in the building and have coffee with them, but they are not "close" in the sense that we share all sorts of personal things, and this is all fine! I can avoid politics and drama, plus no one has anything they can use against me, if it comes to that. There are no photos of me getting drunk and stupid at the bar because I won't go there with them (assuming that I did go to bars!)
I also find this discussion strange. If I didn't make friends at work I probably wouldn't have any friends.
Seriously, where else does a grown man/woman make friends? Or at least make them as easily. As noted above, you spend 8+ hours a day with these people, it is only natural you would get to know some of them well and find at least a few that you have enough in common with and like enough to become friends.
Where else are you people making friends? Leftover friends from high school or college? Neighbors?
Where else would I, as a 40-something year old man who has just moved across the country within the last year, make friends? And why would I go out of my way to make friends somewhere else when I have a bunch of people at my job who I am around all day and probably will be for years, some of whom would be (and have become) friends? For crying out loud, how can you avoid making friends at work unless you are trying to be anti-social?
lol Don't hold back, Joey; tell us how you REALLY feel!
We answered your questions earlier in the thread. People make friends by being active in their communities in various ways, and meeting kindred spirits in the process. If you've been able to make friends at work, good for you! But it's not always a simple matter of finding someone you have something in common with.
Personality plays a big role. Humans come with all manner of psychologies, some of which make them incompatible with others, no matter how many hobbies or interests they may share with others. For example, you might find someone who shares an interest in gardening or banzai, but if s/he is an overbearing jerk, you two likely wouldn't hit it off. Workplaces often are a hodgepodge of personality types. That's one reason more people don't make friends through work. It's more than having common interests to talk about. You have to "click" with people, in order to become friends, generally.
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