I Don't Know Why People Continue to Make Mean Comments about My Appearance

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by CatzPaw

• "[...] He was saying it is clear that people look like you and I have to be liked for other qualities because we are not physically attractive. He tells me this shortly after I shared that the love of my life was physically attracted to me. We were not friends, I just started working there. He could have simply said: "I am happy for you", rather than having a strange conversation about looks in attempts to make himself feel better. It felt like it came out of nowhere. And he was making excessive conversation, which was incredibly disruptive and he would not stop. Even if I put on headphones he was still trying to talk to me. I try to get work done when on the clock. I did my best to be nice and listen to him but he was abusing my time."

• "It was a bit early to consider me a friend as I just started working there. And his timing was odd as well because it was immediately after sharing my fiance found me attractive. So he follows it up with you aren't attractive and neither am I, essentially."
.

This was a helpful post, by CatzPaw. OP, if you had just started working there, pouring out personal information to a new coworker, basically--a stranger, about the love of your life, and his physical attraction to you, was very inappropriate. Nobody does that. Well, except your co-worker, whom you described a extremely needy, i.e. not normal, psychologically. You identified him as a problem, and even complained about him to a superior. Yet you over-shared, on your part, as well. You weren't exercising good judgment or restraint.

I suspect this is one reason you experience these odd negative comments. You're not aware of your own boundary transgressions, appropriateness issues, subtle cues from others, subtle cues you give off, and so forth. In this example, there's clearly an element of that involved. This may not be the case in every incident, but it seems there's more going on in at least some of these incidents, than you're letting on.

[PriscillaVanilla]

I never make comments to someone about their appearance no matter what they say or what kind of subtle signals they give off. It's just not my place.

[HDL]

I came across this thread by accident and after reading it through, I decided to look at some of the past posts and threads that the OP has done. Granted, my background is not in healthcare, but it seems to me from some of the posts that I've read thus far, that quite possibly the OP is projecting these 'things' that she states that these men are saying about her, which I believe is more of a mental health type issue on the part of the OP .

Below is a post from a thread that the OP did back in 2015 with a sentence highlighted by me in red for a part of the reason why I am saying the above. And hopefully the OP may decide to seek counseling to resolve some of the issues that she has been posting about on this forum .

Best wishes OP !


https://www.city-data.com/forum/non-r...l#post39781079

[quote=jabber_wocky;39778928]My mother has never known her father or met him, and in turn, I have never known or met my grandfather. I have been wanting to know since I was a small child about who he is and if I have other aunts/or uncles and maybe even cousins. I do not even have his name. The part that has hurt me all these years is my grandmother refuses to tell us anything. Whenever I have asked a name she says she dosen't know it, or she will give me different possible countries that he lives in. It hurts me to think that maybe she does in fact know, (she remember the names of her other children's fathers, just claims she forgot my mother's) she just doesn't want to share that information.

If he is still alive I am convinced he still resides in the United States, or I can locate relatives that do. Once she sent me on a wild goose chase when she mentioned that a family friend had his high-school class ring and when I asked said friend, they had no clue what I was talking about. I was really embarassed.

My uncle told me that knowing who he is is none of my business and I should not be concerned about him. But my grandfather's family is just as much family as my grandmother's and I felt I deserved the right to know.

My grandmother's family is Black, and grandfather's is Asian. This is an entire piece of our heritage that we have been unable to explain or connect with because of this "big secret", that everyone (including grandmother) is unwilling to speak about. My mother being the only mixed Asian person growing up without any support or knowing who she was hurt alot (this was the 60's and 70's). My mother and I were both ridiculed for being different and only would return home to more ridicule. In secret, I learned Korean and Japanese on my own desperate to connect somehow but ultimately felt lost. I would attend Korean church alone but without the family I wish I knew. The church members would ask me questions , and I could not really answer them.

So I have ordered my mother's birth certificate with the hopes his name may be on it.

I have been asking myself if I should just forget this once and for all? Why do you think there is such a secret around the identity of my grandfather? Why would this not be any of my business?

[tcbelvis]

Read about Law of Attraction and subconscious mind. Try some visualization excercises so you can see/create a new reality for yourself and change your mindset. You can do it. I highly recommend reading Murphys The Power of the Subconscious Mind.

[Chloe333]

Originally Posted by tcbelvis

Read about Law of Attraction and subconscious mind. Try some visualization excercises so you can see/create a new reality for yourself and change your mindset. You can do it. I highly recommend reading Murphys The Power of the Subconscious Mind.

Yes, good advice here. The OP may want to listen to the Abraham Hicks teachings which are all about Law of Attraction, and see if those ideas resonate as being true or a possibility for her. I will also say that some boys and men definitely do put women down as a way to knock them down a few pegs in order to even out the playing field. In fact, jealous or threatened people in general, male or female, can use the tactic to try and weaken someone else.