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Mrs. SportyandMisty has upon occasion commented similarly.
Try joining a local chapter of the International Women's Forum http://iwforum.org/. Or join local service & leadership organizations that are not gender specific.
That is, you need to hang out where similarly thoughtful women congregate. If you are close enough to your state capital, you'll find many in lobbying organizations stationed nearby.
For me it's not so much about having deep conversations, but any conversation other than constant criticizing/gossiping of other women and for the single ones, men: does he like me? he did this so what does that mean? This is my problem with quite a few women.
I'm enjoying so many of the replies! It's not about gender, or education, but rather the audience, your surroundings and your relationships to the people you're conversing with at any given time.
THIS! I have friends that we can discuss anything. We can go from talking about the latest episode of GOT to politics and current events, however, we try not to linger on politics too much because honestly, we'd rather keep the conversations light and more fun when we're together. We can all, men and women, hold our own in these conversations but we don't always talk about it because we don't always feel like it.
I also have friends were we talk about work, our dogs and silly movies. Do I think they are less intellectual for not wanting to talk about politics or current events? No. I know they are smart and I know they could talk about it if they want, but they prefer to keep things light, as do I when I'm with them.
And then there are the friends that only want to talk about politics, religion, serious stuff all the time, there's no balance with them and regardless of whether we are on the same intellectual level or not, it is draining.
OP-Maybe these women sense you feel superior to them and therefore they don't want to deepen their relationship with you.
I've met super shallow men and extremely intellectual women so my experience is clearly different from yours. I also prefer to be open to others and to talk about fluff as well as serious stuff. Balance is key!
I am a woman who has the hardest time making female friends. I really would pay to have a group of great girlfriends that I can go out with regularly but I find it so hard to find other women that I can relate to. I live in a fairly affluent community where most of the women here seem to only talk about their kids, clothes, fitness and dieting, and shopping. With the exception of talking about my kids, I prefer talking about politics, currrent events, and generally more intellectual or even deep topics of conversation. When I try to talk about these things most women seem to get bored or just don't care. I am the only professional (doctor) in my area, it's true, but these are not stupid women by any means. All of them went to college (even though many are stay at home moms) but I can't find another woman to have any kind of deep conversation with to save my life! I have 3 close girlfriends that I can have these types of conversations with but they don't live nearby. The weird thing is that the husbands of these women are much more interesting to talk to for me but of course I can't hang out with their husbands and not them. I just don't know if most women truly aren't deep or intellectual, or maybe they feel like they have to dumb it down to be accepted by other women, society at large, or whatever. My husband is a quiet type so a I really would love to have a circle of girlfriends. Growing up I had a couple of best girlfriends and then the rest were guys, but now that I'm grown and married, it's not that feasible to have so many male friends and it's pretty lonely. Where can I find some women kindred spirits?
Someone may have already said this but, imo, you probably need to get re-aquainted with the academic world. There will be more opportunities to find women who are inclined to discuss the things that interest you.
I was surprised to see the OP was female. Hello, you're proof that not all women can be painted with that brush.
Just because someone doesn't share your interests doesn't make them shallow.
Many people avoid hot topics because it can lead to disagreements. Didn't your momma tell you never to discuss Politics, Religion, or Sex at the dinner table?
Glad to see mostly thoughtful replies to what could have been an inflammatory thread title question. It occurs to me that what makes that question non-inflammatory is that it was posed by a woman. If a man had asked the same question, his head would have been handed to him on a platter in the most hateful fashion.
I'm a female and I have never had trouble finding smart, kind, and often hilarious female friends ... and MALE friends like that too, for that matter. Perhaps it has more to do with the person doing the "searching"?
Mod cut. My female friends have ALWAYS had a lot more to talk about than shopping, man hunting, babies, or grandbabies -- and I don't think I have known only "outlier" women in my life.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-21-2017 at 12:00 PM..
Reason: Off-topic.
I'd love to find a girlfriend who was actually interested in politics, history, geography....something intellectual at all. Even among my solid female friends it's hard to have such conversations as they are not truly interested in those things.
Most women I've met in my lifetime only know the university PC talking points when it comes to politics, but have no depth or breadth beyond that (most don't even know why they vote the way they do), couldn't give you rough dates for major historic events or even the appropriate century in many cases, and many women I know couldn't even find simply countries like Brazil or India on a map. I understand if people aren't able to locate Burkina Faso, but countries like China, really?
I'd love to find a girlfriend who was actually interested in politics, history, geography....something intellectual at all. Even among my solid female friends it's hard to have such conversations as they are not truly interested in those things.
Most women I've met in my lifetime only know the university PC talking points when it comes to politics, but have no depth or breadth beyond that (most don't even know why they vote the way they do), couldn't give you rough dates for major historic events or even the appropriate century in many cases, and many women I know couldn't even find simply countries like Brazil or India on a map. I understand if people aren't able to locate Burkina Faso, but countries like China, really?
Someone upthread had the right idea; look in academic environments, for one thing. Look in non-profit orgs, like environmental organizations, consumer advocacy and political action groups, like Ralph Nader's PIRG orgs, check out the local film society if there is one, the sister-city committees, and so on. Attend travel seminars.
Where else would you look for a bf/gf, or a friend to have good conversations with? Among randoms at a bar? Doesn't it make more sense to focus your search on venues that hold the promise of a better yield for your particular interests? A search that's tailored for the kind of person you're looking for? There are a LOT of women out there, who fit your (and the OP's) bill, but you're missing them, because you're going about your search wrong.
I might add that the kind of women you're looking for also have trouble finding guys who have any interest at all in the women's areas of expertise. A lot of guys don't care if someone's an expert on American foreign policy and speaks 3 foreign languages, or on China's relationship with its neighbors, or the influence of global climate change on grassroots economic development in developing countries. Many guys aren't looking for a meeting of the minds; they're looking for a meeting of other parts of the anatomy, and limit their search to women who look "hot". So guys like you and women of a more intellectual bent need to find each other. It's sad that it's so hard for both sides.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 07-20-2017 at 02:14 PM..
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